Need help to stop loosing in love

Loveloser: To answer your first question, my comment about rather being single than with someone not compatible was directed at this comment that you made: "I'd rather be his caged love bird than a lonely eagle."

As for the rest, hey, that was the impression your post gave me. *shrugs*

This is from cosmo, the july 2003 issue "little habits that keep you from meeting mister right"

1. You expect romeo to appear magically
2. You have blinders on
3. You're in a social rut
4. You compete in a boyfriend comparathon
5. You're trying to hard

Sorry Caprice, the comment about birds and cages was tongue in cheek as I thought the smiley implied..
I thought the other posts I made implied that it wasn't a bad relationship and he wasn't a bad person rather the opposite and that I had acted impulsively - not taken the time to think until it was too late, this was only hours later therefore I don't think I was begging for him to be back in my life as he hadn't really left it. I thought that my posts said that I thought he was a special person to me and I wanted to work through hard times rather than run from them. Of course there are people out there that treat other people badly on purpose but he isn't one of them. I thought that my posts implied I wasn't prepared to settle for something that wasn't right for me and that he has to be willing too. As Relation says you need to understand that other person and the reasons behind their actions/ feelings. Imp sorry if I took your words wrong- I just thought you sounded critical of my feelings -" Are you kidding me? I'm single, no prospects in sight, not exactly enjoying it, but I'd rather be alone any day than in a relationship that doesn't work". and that you hadn't really got what I was saying. But I guess my posts were long and probably confusing at times and it is hard to get what people really mean when you don't know them. I guess we should all think before we act - as I have now learnt.


Pessimisum- I will LIVE by those pointers now. They are soooo true :

And Sugar I kinda think your words about people that want to be with you are- are right, I have taken it in the long term sence. But somethimes life and people f**k up. Think a break is a good thing sometimes though.

Anyway guys, thanks for all your words, advice, input. It's helped me work through my feelings a little and they have comforted me a little. I think I should stop dwelling on it now otherwise I'll go mad

I may be back, if I need help in not picking up that phone or not getting too down in the dumps- if that is Ok with you guys.

Loveloser,

I would not post, because it seems a little late, but no one has mentioned this and it is important to take note of what I am about to write. There are certain people, very small percentage, who do not express themselves with words easily, very often. What they do is say it once and think that they dont' have to say it again. And they think that because they don't like redundancy. I don't think you know how "he tried" in the relationship. You should have asked what he meant. What did he do to keep it together or try? Because he must have thought you knew how he felt.

You got mad at him and that hurt and it was apparent that you did not understand him. He proabably got ingrossed in his work a lot.

Sugar is wrong about his "best" ever mentioning. He wasn't into the "intense relationship" you wanted. He wanted the relationship just not as intense as you wanted it. You were his best, but do you know why you were? Some people are there you just might think they aren't because they are not trying as much as you would like them to try.

I think you have a good chance of getting back with him. I think if you would talk to him and understand what you believes he has done then he might consider getting back. Certain people want to be understood, and know that you understand where they are coming from. I think you were his best because you seemed to understand, but he decided not to be with you any more because you yelled and that made him realize you don't understand. Give it a try, I really think it will work.

I think that is very good advise blue.

Hi Blue Monkey! Gee, thanks! I think you might have hit the nail on the head there! I have been thinking along those lines too but handn't quite got there yet. I had thought he was a comitmentphobe but after reading a couple of books about it I don't think he is.
Upon reflection I don't want an intense relationship, I think it has been that way with previous boyfriends and I think I became insecure that he wasn't acting that way with me ie madly in-love with me like other "big loves" in my life. I know I kinda lost myself too which was stupid! No wonder I was so frustrated- I wasn't hanging out and doing the things I used to do before he came along and I rarely socialised with out him. Not me but I supose you could say a relationship habit.
Can you tell me what you meant when you said

Yeah that is what I meant.

Ok, Thanks Blue. Lets hope he goes to "Dateless and Desperate" tomorrow night too