Too loud, too bright, too fast, too tight

Hiya, Dag. We've already talked a bit about this, but I wanted to get in on the conversation. I've had moments of this type of thing, but they are never long-lived. I think my defensivene reactions happen when I'm sick.

Oh, this has a name and everything!

Yes, I had it when I was a kid. A psychiatrist went so far as to suggest that was why I became deaf. It was nearly impossible for me to eat in the same room as my parents. Putting away groceries was torture. (Paper bags.) My parents liked to play music after I went to bed, and I would lay there with pillows jammed against my ears, fuming. I'd also demand to be carried, when I was little, because my socks tickled.

E.G. was the same way, we both have vestiges, though we've mostly grown out of it. Sozlet has some signs of it, not many.

well, yes! i remember such episodes, soz. parents having friends over, my sister soundly asleep, i sitting on the top of the stairs, sobbing that i cannot sleep, mostly to myself, for i was too embarassed to go downstairs and ask my mom to tell everybody to be quiet. sigh.
the book says the sensory defensiveness can either be passed on from a mother (something to do with bio-rhytms of heart rate, breathing, and such, if they're off, they cause anxiety), or via a head accident. i suspect my mom of being somewhat sensory defensive (she is terrified of heights, and what drives her crazy is nail-biting, or any head-touching), and i fell down the stairs, knocking 4 teeth out, when i was two. another contributive factor is a middle ear infection. i have a chronic one, hearing in my left ear is a bit impaired, especially when i'm stressed. but that would be the result of the disease, not of sensory defensiveness. i ain't no psychiatrist, but it seems unlikely that it would be the other way around.
to this day i cannot eat in peace with my mom, even though i'd love to, for i am closest to her, adore her, but she drives me most nuts. they say that is also natural in the book (phew!). people who you love most trigger most of the negative sensations. but i haven't grown out of it! :-( it did get better in my later twenties, but it very much rules my life. there are temporary reliefs (loud singing helps a lot, or long shower with vigorous scrubbing), but alas, those are not always possible. mom taught me (she being a psychologist and way into meditation and hypnosis) some relaxation techniques, but when i am in the state of fuming rage i cannot bring myself to start one of them. All I can do is take deep breaths and either sink nails into my skin to think of something else or torture my hair bu pulling and twisting them, to keep myself somehow busy. have a long meeting today. oh boy.
am half way through the book, hopefully i will come by some instant mirracle aid in the second half somewhere.
how do you deal with sozlet when she's antsy about something? what is she sensitive to?

Oh, interesting about ear infections! While I still don't know why I became deaf, what seems somewhat plausible is too many ototoxic antibiotics, because I had a zillion ear infections when I was a kid. In other words, dunno about the ototoxic antibiotics --> deafness part, but DEFINITELY had a zillion ear infections.

Huh!

Interestingly, (ooh, I bet there's a study on the brain and audiological-to-visual brain activity here), what bothers me horribly now, depending on mood, is movement. In college, if I was sitting at a lecture and trying to lipread the professor (or, later, watch the interpreter), and some idiot was joggling his foot, or chewing gum, or twisting her hair in my sight line, it would make me insane. Like, having to walk out of the room and take several deep breaths insane. Definitely the nails thing if I felt for some reason I couldn't leave the room. I even passed notes to people to get them to quit -- I explained it in terms of, it is the equivalent to someone ringing a bell over and over. People were usually nice about it. The deaf thing helped.

There was a person at the co-op I used to live in who would repeatedly stroke his beard (overandoverandoverand...) during house meetings, and I came close to murdering him several times.

Hmm, maybe not so much on the grown out of it.

Oh, BUT -- this changed enormously as I became more fluent in ASL, and communication became less frustrating. All of the most infuriating incidents I can think of are when I was deeply frustrated. Now, when I go to all-deaf committee meetings, for example, where the communication is in ASL and I know someone will properly get my attention if I am not looking, a joggling leg bothers me far less.

With sozlet, I just ackowledge it. If she covers her ears and says "you're chewing too loud!", I say "am I? Sorry." and chew more carefully. So far it hasn't gone beyond that, isn't much of an issue. And what I remember clearly from my childhood is how furious I would get with my parents for denying that the socks, the music, the chewing had any validity. (E.G. has since confirmed that they are loud eaters!) (Oh but wait, if he has it too... :-?) (But compared to other people!)

Visual component to that, too, just realized. Can't stand to watch him drink coffee or eat cereal. If we're eating at the same time, fine. If not, eek.

So I am just a bundle of sensory defensiveness, if I think about it, which I usually don't. Interesting!

movement! well yes, movement is directed by those crystals in the middle ear! middle ear people do have issues with movement, becaue it is perceived as much more thretening by the nervous system. <nervous system? uh, ya know what i mean. anyhow, there's lots of interesting stuff in the book, that is just eye-popping. all these issues i had i thought were all separate, are a part of the same thing, the sensory defensiveness - irritability, seeking solitude, even excessive sweating, lower immunity, tons of stuff!
as a result i feel much better, because i know i am not crazy, but it is a condition that is hopefully treatable somehow. yaaaaaay!!!

;-) can't stand watching EH eat either, when I'm not eating. Other people bother me much less. Poor man, he is so brave and understanding though.

This is sooo fascinating! Gotta get the book.

i got it real cheap on half.com they will still have used copies there. it's worth the few bucks.
today i went to traffic department to get residential parking permits. of course, since it's the beginning of the month, there was a line out the door, half an hour wait. everybody there was clutching some papers, envelopes, plastic bags. the poor guy in front of me (he got most of my evil stares) was wearing a crinkly goretex jacket, i was about to walk out. then i reminded myself it is sadly not all those people's fault and that my drop-dead stares will not result in their understanding that the noises they make cause me to want to strangle them with bare hands. so i stayed. and got the permits. that is my brave adventure of the day.

How weird! I can be with my family while they eat, but I've always noticed every noise. <snap, crackle, pop> I didn't realize this was a named syndrome. I know I am much more sensitive than most people to noises, smells, vibrations & pain. You didn't mention the last two, but they're both sensory.

I am especially affected by low vibrations and the humming of fluorescent lights... can't bear to work under those lights anymore. I have been dragged out of hydro-electric dams because their low vibrations gives me debilitating vertigo. I take meds for seizure disorder... but there have been no brain lesions or anything physical found. The only oddity the researchers noted is that my brain waves will synchronize with strobing lights.

I have also had labyrinthitis on a couple of different occasions... I don't know if there is any connection or not.

Impressive!

Seriously, while I don't think it is the cause of my deafness, accounts like the above make me genuinely happy that when I just close my eyes, all sound stops. (When my eyes are open, the slurp of coffee and crunch of cereal is supplied by my brain. Thanks, brain.) I vividly remember when such trials were common.

I'm lucky that E.G. has the same thing, he doesn't have to be brave and understanding, if he complains I just have to say, "Who was *just* giving me guff for the fact that my sleeves were uneven? Hmmm...?"

Yes, fluorescent lights! Can't stand 'em!

What's labyrinthitis?

I thought some of this was because I was an only child...

I am sort of kidding, I don't really have what you are all describing, but have sometimes a miniversion of it. Who else has gotten up in the middle of the night from a rare family get together at a house the family was saying goodby to - my wonderful aunt's sister used to have a house at the top of the hill in Sausalito, California with a great view of San Francisco Bay, and so on. My cousins had to sell it. (I am a poorer cousin, but glad to be there in that place, wonderful place.)

Ok, so we're all there from hundreds of miles away and who throws a fit because of the loud carousing talk wafting up to the living room where, amid snores from at least four husbands, a whole batch of people couldn't go to sleep. Me, that's who. Outta there.

Ruffled some feathers for a year or two - because of the expletive I used upon my gilded exit.

I live in what may be the loudest place on earth, New York City and what I crave is silence. I steam in restaurants which play insanely loud music (to what end??) I cringe on subways when the guy sitting next to me has a set of headphones that emit a hissing fit of backbeats. I streak through stores with blapping rapping zapping out of what seems to be a thousand speakers (who are they playing that for??) and the grocery has Indo-Afghani jazz on level ten. (How about level five?) Am I oversensitive? Is my hearing that good.??

I don't know. I do know I seem to shut down in loud places. Dinner at Ruby Foo's is a series of grunts and shrugs because I can neither hear the question nor hear myself answer.

Joe

The "F" word? Osso... so unlike you!

Sozobe -- Labyrinthitis is connected to middle-ear infections that you & Dagmaraka mentioned... my MD said it is probably from crystals ("free-floating otoconial debris") that move around in there.



The irritability and seeking of solitude... those sound familiar. I can't stand a lot of noise, it makes me jumpy.

Interesting, Piffka, thanks.

In terms of dealing, I haveta say it's one of those impossible white elephant situations. The more I think about it, the worse it is. Kind of like the brand of tinnitus I have (geez, does this all go back to the middle ear?), where if I listen for it, I start to hear it (sigh, happening as I type), then it gets louder and louder until it is a roar, and the only way to stop it is to -- not think about it. Somewhere along the way I mastered this trick, and it is the same one I can (usually) use now if a joggling-foot-type thing is bothering me.

Uh oh, Joe, I can't do dim sum with a group of friends around a big round table, and really, this is a loss with this group... architectural historians talking a mile a minute. What?

Paola L and Diane and I met in New York at (wait, an ital ristorante upstairs..) - anyway, we grabbed hands and then pretty much wrote on napkins until a bunch of people left. Hah, we closed the place and had a good time.

Well, it's interesting. Yes, I have significant hearing loss, though I plough along with it, what?, for lack of fundies for some great plugs, but I am also annoyed with intervening loud stuff.

I thought this was all my just dues after years of loud jazz on relatively few occasions, loud rock in cars, often, and the odd skilsaw doing its job. Turns out it might be connected to my vision thing (oh, good news, doctors can write a paper.. and in fact I'm glad to support that, but no bennies re we can fix this).

But it is weird to have some trouble hearing and find some noise really annoying. Really tricky if it occurs at the same time: what? Shut up! What did you say!

Ha!!! SO btdt, Osso...

Funny that we all have an ear thing. I can't stand beard-twisting and plucking and grooming either. Some laughs irritate me. When somebody giggles constantly and I do not like the giggle, oh boy, he/she is on my bad side already. I didn't use to mind loud music, been to a ton of concerts, but now, when I can't hold a conversation in a bar, or when there is some annoying quasi-jazz in a restaurant, even quietly that just glues my ears to the speakers against my will, I get irritated. But the most annoying part is that I have to scan the restaurant for loud eaters, and sit away as far as I can. If I can't - being with a group of people, I just suffer, can't concentrate on what anyone is saying, for all I hear is that chewing. I have a friend (lil'k knows Dave), who just doesn't get invited to anything that involves food, for I would most likely kill him with a frying pan.
But, I do not want to plan my life around these obstacles. I do want to go to the movies and come out not remembering the face of the fat college brat stuffing his face with popcorn on my left and the woman scratching her head and jittering in front of me. I want to go to a restaurant and feel at ease, and talk to friends about life instead of uttering:"God, were these people raised by barbarians? can't they eat like humans?!"

OSSO What!!! You were in New York! When.....??!

Sorry, what we talking about?

A few years ago I had my hearing checked because I kept saying HUH to my honey when she asked me something. She thought I was going deaf, turns out I was just concentrating on whatever was on my mind and didn't start listening to what she was saying till half way through. Wha???

(I have the hearing, the doctor said, equal to that of twenty-five year old flight training candidate.)

There's other things that get to people. We have a friend, brilliant, sensitive, but who can only stay in the city for two day maximum. Just too much hubbub bub.


J