Letting go....

you can always look back, but you must keep moving forward...

good luck.

that is just what I needed to hear, thank you!

you're very welcome.

Maybe he was your "first" love We always remember and memories are good to have, we should have them.

But, you say you blocked him out of your life because you didn't want to be hurt again... And, you did a good job of that.. That means you were right....

It's natural when something re-surfices to think about it and reflect and yes, then to let go:)

Wondering is perfectly okay, just don't live in it.

Instead look at the great wonderful life you do have.

Every so often I wonder what would have happened if I'd headed off and become a minister as I considered a choice back when I was in my teen years. I'm rather certain life would have been different. That doesn't mean better or worse, just different. That wasn't my path; took a different one and for the most part it's been fine. No time or energy for regrets about what might have been if I'd done things in an entirely other manner.

Perhaps life would have been drastically apart from where it is now if I had taken violin lessons seriously or if I'd walked off with that man at the Port Authority Bus Terminal when I was 14 or 15 (like I might be dead), or if I'd followed up with Ralph and gone to Rome or some other place.

Life gives us options, we make a choice and it gives us experiences which speaking for myself, I wouldn't trade away for anything, not for anything.

So, look at him leave, shed a tear or two if you want, because he was a part of your life; then take down the soup pot and make some borscht. Slice some onions so you can cry without feeling awkward. Clean your home from top to bottom....if it's already clean, give it an extra clean. Repaint a room. Write a short story or start a novel or even read a book. Wonder, nod your head, let out a small laugh and know you've done good and done right and are in a good place.

Wow.......

Beautifully said....

Love someone, remembering that he/she is mortal.
Love them so much you seem to pull them into you and you become one.
Love them enough to know when it is time to let them go.

CL, I'm working up some answer, didn't mean to not respond.

Sending love.

Jo

Well, I can't say it better than Sturgis did, although I don't like beets.

When my husband left - not looked back at now, by me, as a bad thing but reflective of who we were, and are - I was gutted. Go ahead and cry your head off if it hits you that way. Then move on freely.

I don't think it's a bad thing to look back at (our) own behavior, but don't look at it all as only you somehow messing up. There are dynamics to situations, and if I remember, yours had plenty of them from his side.

I think your sense of your self and your own worth will grow comfortably - enjoy that part.

thanks for all the great responses, in my moment of stupidity and weakness..

Sturgis, what you wrote was amazing!!

I appreciate you all not judging me as well...

Truthfully, after briefly thinking about it after I posted on here and let reality of the situation set in and realized that looking back at my youth... which was what I was missing more than anything... all I want to say is Adios... and now I never have to worry about any awkard run ins!!!

Letting go of your youth is hard... each time I look in the mirror.. well blah.. I am getting older.... this post wasn't actually about letting go of him.. it was about letting go of a part of me...

Yes.

Well, I'm a self appointed expert on aging now - age zooms - and there are compensations, at least as I see it. I now appreciate worn faces, eyes with history/perception behind them, knowing people who have been through a lot of stuff. In a way it makes life, if not richer, rich in another way that in the bud of youth.

Wise young Osso

Age is but a number, the older I get the better I feel, so much has been learnt and travelled in life, I am free to be me, how exciting is that?

I've never looked at my age in fact I up it a year straight after each birthday but I act 10 years younger and according to my step-daughter, the most trendiest 48 year old she's met...

Embrase it, another form of fun with life begins.