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what to do about being Abused?

 
 
kayla25
 
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2012 09:33 pm
ok so ive been with my boyfriend for two years,we live together. Well about a few months into it was the first time he put his hands on me. He just pushed me so i overlooked it. well over the past two years he has slapped me,spit on me,kicked me, sprained my ankle to where i was on crutches for weeks,pulled me by my hair,smashed my head on the floor,he calls me every name u can think of. But its not like this all the time thats y its so confusing to me. I love him with all my heart and dont want to break up. He is 11 yrs older than me maybe thats y he thinks he can do these things? Please dont judge me and call me stupid. I need advice i have nobody to talk to.
 
Rockhead
 
  3  
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2012 09:35 pm
@kayla25,
find a women's shelter near you, and call them.

they can help you get straightened out...

good luck
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2012 10:26 pm
@kayla25,
Quote:
He just pushed me so i overlooked it. well over the past two years he has slapped me,spit on me,kicked me, sprained my ankle to where i was on crutches for weeks,pulled me by my hair,smashed my head on the floor,he calls me every name u can think of.


Quote:
But its not like this all the time thats y its so confusing to me.



His physical abuse of you is escalating. How much damage does he have to do to your body before you say to yourself "I deserve much better than this" and get far away from him?

I think you know that he crossed that line a long time ago. Please do as Rockhead suggests and make a call to your local women's shelter. Be your own best friend and do it before he hurts you again.
0 Replies
 
MonaLeeza
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2012 10:32 pm
@kayla25,
There is no excuse in the world for him doing this to you. His age has nothing to do with. Get advice and help from your nearest women's shelter and leave as soon as you can. You have to break up with him because even if he doesn't end up killing you (which is a real possibility) he will destroy you. There is no future with this man - you definitely do not ever even want to contemplate having children with him. You might think its forgivable for him to smash your head against the floor - but imagine if it was your child's head. You deserve better than this - everyone deserves better than this. And he certainly doesn't deserve your love - save it for someone who treats you with the respect, dignity, love and kindness you deserve. And whatever he might say there is no way that he could love you if he treats you like this.
I don't judge you or think you are stupid but you are wrong if you think there is any option but to get as far away from this man as you can - as soon as you can. I bet this isn't the life you imagined for yourself when you were growing up. Imagine a better life for yourself now and go and get it. I've known plenty of women who have been in your situation and once they have found the courage to leave life has turned around for them.
0 Replies
 
gungasnake
 
  3  
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2012 10:35 pm
@kayla25,
Best shot, find a friend or relative in another town who can take you in for a few months until you get your bearings back and figure out what you want to do. That might mean being unemployed for a couple of months but everybody's going through that these days anyhow....
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  -4  
Reply Thu 26 Jan, 2012 11:34 pm
You will never find anyone who will tell you anything other than that you should leave him.

But for me.


If you want to stay with him the only option is to give as good as you get. Once he figures out that he does not get a free shot at you he will almost certainly stop, and he will have increased respect for you. The caveat is that if he does not stop then he will escalate his physical abuse, you might be in danger of serious physical injury if you can not fight him off.

Do you want to roll the dice? Think hard, this is your life that you are playing with. Either leave or fight back, DO NOT BE A VICTIM!
MonaLeeza
 
  3  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 01:45 am
@hawkeye10,
The other caveat is that even if he does stop you will still be living with an asshole who thinks it's ok to beat up women.

hawkeye10 wrote:

You will never find anyone who will tell you anything other than that you should leave him.

But for me.


If you want to stay with him the only option is to give as good as you get. Once he figures out that he does not get a free shot at you he will almost certainly stop, and he will have increased respect for you. The caveat is that if he does not stop then he will escalate his physical abuse, you might be in danger of serious physical injury if you can not fight him off.

Do you want to roll the dice? Think hard, this is your life that you are playing with. Either leave or fight back, DO NOT BE A VICTIM!
hawkeye10
 
  -2  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 03:13 am
@MonaLeeza,
Quote:
The other caveat is that even if he does stop you will still be living with an asshole who thinks it's ok to beat up women.


Are people perfect where you come from? Leaving is always a choice, and often a damn good one, but those who leave every person who hurts them often end up alone. Many people who would not dream of "leaving" their parents or sibs who hurt them none the less will leave a BF or a Husband who hurts them at the drop of a hat. It what warped world does this make sense?
MonaLeeza
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 03:27 am
@hawkeye10,
No, no one's perfect where I come from but I have certainly never met some one with such vile attitudes as you express in these forums. Your post doesn't even deserve response and I hope this woman will at least have the sense to ignore it.
0 Replies
 
MonaLeeza
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 06:01 am
@hawkeye10,
Actually... thank you for reminding me that in my offline life I would never be spending time with some creep like you who has such a lack of basic morals and human decency that he could argue any kind of case for rapists and wife beaters. I have so many better things to do with my time than be here. This will be my last post on this site.
kayla25
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 02:46 pm
@MonaLeeza,
thanks to everyone foe the advice. Bare with me cause im new to this site and im still figuring it out but i know i should leave but we have good times too thats y its so hard for me. He can be so sweet and loving but he has this evil side to him. Its been 3 weeks since he has put his hands on me im hoping maybe it will stop? This is so hard im so lost im afraid to tell my friends or fam out of fear of being judged. But thank all of u who took the time to respond it has def made me think.
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 03:23 pm
@kayla25,
Kayla.

It is strange.. As a victim, you feel that you are partly to blame. "Do I create it?" and you also think that your family will judge or not stand by you, or tell you it's your fault.

Nothing is further from the truth.

An abuser will also show some form of "love" it's called Control.. If you think logically about it, if he was abusive 24/7 you would leave right? Because you would not have any feelings for him.

Allowing it to go on and on, weakens your position, it weakens you, as you get "used to it" and accept it, in hope that it will change, go away and also it affects your self esteme. It is very difficult to be assertive at that point in time and stand up for yourself.

Often, someone abused has to hate the person before seeing the reality of it all but what will it take for that day to happen?

What if, the next time he puts his hands on you and smashes your head onto the ground he succeeds in giving you brain damage? Do you love yourself? Do you want to live?

I am not trying to scare you but you have to see past the bubble that you are in. Do you not believe another man can make you smile, laugh or feel loved? Off course he will... How many millions of men are there out there in this World? Smile

I do not know if he drinks or takes drugs and it's at that point that he loses it, or if he is a loose cannon and it just happens and so there is something mentally wrong with him, but does it matter what triggers it? No sweet, it doesn't, no man has a right to lift his finger to a woman.. Intentionally and when she does not want him to.

There are many forms of abuse, he also uses emotional abuse on you, and he uses verbal abuse on you.. I can't imagine how low you feel about you, when this game of control has been going on for two year but I can tell you it's time to look at yourself in the mirror and say "ENOUGH I AM WORTH MORE"...

Do not believe for one minute that your family will judge you.. Tell them the truth, not only will it make you see clearer it will be a relief to really get it all out there and trust me, once they hear it, they will be there for you... There is nothing to be frightened of, in speaking.. There is more to be frightened of in NOT speaking, think about it please.

0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 05:19 pm
@kayla25,
It is highly unlikely that he will stop till you insist that he stop. Stand up for yourself, leave, or be a victim.....them are your choices.
0 Replies
 
gungasnake
 
  1  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 05:34 pm
@kayla25,
Part of the problem may be...

that as children, many of us are babied and never mistreated and some reach adulthood before ever experiencing mistreatment or bad treatment, and do not have realistic conceptions of how to deal with it or handle it. Having been protected as children, some come too late to the realization that the main person and often the only person who can protect you in adult life is YOU. One way or another, you need to do that by getting out of there.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Fri 27 Jan, 2012 05:52 pm
@gungasnake,
Good point re childhood, but leaving is not the only way to protect/take care of ourselves....it is however the only choice this collective wants to allow individuals.

This is our life we are living, the wise take the collectives mandates into consideration, and then does what they feel is best for them.

I don't believe in lying to people. Sue me.
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 28 Jan, 2012 03:05 pm
@hawkeye10,
You can stand up for yourself if it is emotional abuse, verbal abuse... You can request the other party seek help and stand by them, if you are assertive, strong.

You should not tempt fate with physical abuse.. The collectives are suggesting she leave because if you read, she claimed that he, "smashed her head into the ground"...

This is her only option.. If he does that again with more force, she may not be here to tell you that she should have listened to those collectives..

hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Sat 28 Jan, 2012 05:23 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
FOUND SOUL wrote:

You can stand up for yourself if it is emotional abuse, verbal abuse... You can request the other party seek help and stand by them, if you are assertive, strong.

You should not tempt fate with physical abuse.. The collectives are suggesting she leave because if you read, she claimed that he, "smashed her head into the ground"...

This is her only option.. If he does that again with more force, she may not be here to tell you that she should have listened to those collectives..




Like I said, there is a strong movement to remove from people one of the options that works when confronted with abuse. More allarming this is often done with lies, by claiming that the option does not work when it often does.


I have too much respect for the right of humans to live the life that they wish rather than the one the bossy tell them to live to lie to people, and I am well aware that this makes me an odd bird.
0 Replies
 
 

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