It is strange.. As a victim, you feel that you are partly to blame. "Do I create it?" and you also think that your family will judge or not stand by you, or tell you it's your fault.
Nothing is further from the truth.
An abuser will also show some form of "love" it's called Control.. If you think logically about it, if he was abusive 24/7 you would leave right? Because you would not have any feelings for him.
Allowing it to go on and on, weakens your position, it weakens you, as you get "used to it" and accept it, in hope that it will change, go away and also it affects your self esteme. It is very difficult to be assertive at that point in time and stand up for yourself.
Often, someone abused has to hate the person before seeing the reality of it all but what will it take for that day to happen?
What if, the next time he puts his hands on you and smashes your head onto the ground he succeeds in giving you brain damage? Do you love yourself? Do you want to live?
I am not trying to scare you but you have to see past the bubble that you are in. Do you not believe another man can make you smile, laugh or feel loved? Off course he will... How many millions of men are there out there in this World?
I do not know if he drinks or takes drugs and it's at that point that he loses it, or if he is a loose cannon and it just happens and so there is something mentally wrong with him, but does it matter what triggers it? No sweet, it doesn't, no man has a right to lift his finger to a woman.. Intentionally and when she does not want him to.
There are many forms of abuse, he also uses emotional abuse on you, and he uses verbal abuse on you.. I can't imagine how low you feel about you, when this game of control has been going on for two year but I can tell you it's time to look at yourself in the mirror and say "ENOUGH I AM WORTH MORE"...
Do not believe for one minute that your family will judge you.. Tell them the truth, not only will it make you see clearer it will be a relief to really get it all out there and trust me, once they hear it, they will be there for you... There is nothing to be frightened of, in speaking.. There is more to be frightened of in NOT speaking, think about it please.