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CONTEMPTUOUS FAMILIARITY

 
 
Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jan, 2004 10:07 pm
A General was once listening to an aide's report, when the young man said, "I fear that . . ." and was interrupted with: "Never take counsel of your fears." If i've read you correctly, Massachusselly, that is essentially what you've said here.
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quinn1
 
  1  
Reply Thu 29 Jan, 2004 10:10 pm
I wouldnt say never but, I wouldnt fear either. Smile
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 12:07 am
Setanta wrote:
In Demoscracy in American, DeToqueville makes exactly that observation, to the effect that men rebel for small causes, and not the bigger issues.


Interesting, Setanta ...
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 12:13 am
quinn1 wrote:
Having a relationship of any kind, even those without such familiarity, you should be able to know if you get along to the point where you can offer equal respect and consideration of the other person. You also put yourself in a situation to which both parties can be hurt.
This is the risk we all take when we enter into any relationship, and if you dont risk, you dont know, you dont experience..know what I mean?



Yes, I see your point quinn, but the problem is you don't really fully know WHO it is you're involved with until you live with them. All the secret, private places are exposed & experienced for the first time. That's the scarey bit! Smile
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 12:15 am
fishin' wrote:
I knew what ya meant over there msolga. Wink


:wink:
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 06:02 am
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never loved at all.

Still, I'm not sure that a live-in relationship is necessary to experience life fully.

Nothing ventured nothing gained.

but

Look before you leap.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 06:12 am
Whoa ! ! !

Platitude city . . .
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Noddy24
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 06:41 am
Setanta--


If you can just pick the right platitude you miss a lot of uncomfortable excitement--but circumstances alter cases.
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quinn1
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 10:34 am
msolga wrote:
All the secret, private places are exposed & experienced for the first time. That's the scarey bit! Smile


no no..those be the dangly bits, and my thinking is that those should be explored beforehand

Wink
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pschlegel
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 01:40 pm
familiarity a safe haven for difficult feelings . . .
I'm going to go way out on a limb here and say that
a possible reason familiarity may breed comtempt is
that the framework of a safe, familiar relationship is
the place where a person is most likely to take the
risk of getting out his or her difficult and repressed
feelings.

My wife taught me this early on and I've found it
to be true.

If I'm nitpicking or complaining about something of
hers, usually it's not about her at all, but she triggers it.
And though many OTHER people may have triggered the
same thing, my relationship with those other people wasn't
safe and familiar enough for me to take the risk to express
my feelings about what was coming up for me (emotionally).

Now the trick is of course that if something's been repressed
for a while, it tends to come up awkwardly or however it
CAN initialy, which unfortunately within the safe familiar
relationship can be criticism of your partner.

Paul Schlegel
Edit (Moderator): Link removed.
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 01:47 pm
Some good observations, Boss, but i doubt if that link will be allowed to linger for long.
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 30 Jan, 2004 07:31 pm
Well, that makes sense, Paul.

By the way, in regard to your link x'd out - we don't give links to personal websites/our business websites here. This is part of the Terms of Service. Mostly we have to have a set of rules that is the same for all as spammers are a huge reality that the site works to keep out of here, and some regular folks' sites have to be excluded too.
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Letty
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2004 01:43 pm
You know, Setanta. When I posted that phrase, I was looking at the word "contempt" more than anything else. It was that word, and that world alone which made me decide that the philosophy inherent therein, was not necessarily accurate. To me, it implies that the more one sees of another, the more disdainful he will become of that person.

No one goes into a relationship thinking that everything will be hunky dory, unless there are other motives at play before the relationship begins. Let's look at the denotation:

contempt- attitude of utter disgust or hatred: a powerful feeling of dislike toward somebody or something considered to be worthless, inferior, or undeserving of respect.

I still believe that familiarity has nothing to do with that connotation.

ehBeth, Taps?
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2004 04:53 pm
quinn1 wrote:
msolga wrote:
All the secret, private places are exposed & experienced for the first time. That's the scarey bit! Smile


no no..those be the dangly bits, and my thinking is that those should be explored beforehand

Wink


Those ones generally are, quinn! Laughing
Nah, I mean the the bits in the mind .... Much more daunting! Confused
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quinn1
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2004 06:06 pm
bits in the mind

...are you supposed to find someone with a mind???

Shocked

<giggles>
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Letty
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2004 06:34 pm
UhOh. Just realized that Setanta changed the import. There's a big difference between contempt the noun and contemptuous the adjective. Now that makes a helluva lotta sense.

EhBeth, What did you mean by taps?
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msolga
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Feb, 2004 08:18 pm
quinn1 wrote:
bits in the mind

...are you supposed to find someone with a mind???

Shocked

<giggles>


Very Happy
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