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I cheated and then husband cheated 2 years later

 
 
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 04:28 pm
Help I do not know what to do 2 years ago I cheated on my husband with someone I met at work I felt so guilty I ended up telling him and he forgave me and we stayed together. Last week I did not know where he went and I got this bad feeling I went and looked at our phone bill and there were numerous texts to one number. I had to beg him to tell me who it was he told me it was someone he met at work the week before but come to find out he actually signed up for a dating website saying he was seperated and looking for a long term relationship. He told this woman he has been over me for 2 years and he never got over me cheating on him. We have 5 kids our youngest is 5 months old. He says he is really sorry and realizes what he has but I still can't get over what would of happened if I did not catch him!!!! Please help my friends give me advice but I feel like a fool and o am so confused
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Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 2,415 • Replies: 7

 
BillRM
 
  3  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 05:00 pm
@kimgamber,
I suggest marriage counseling.

Oh and not talking to your friends about this and getting it known all over your community.
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 05:03 pm
@kimgamber,
I am wondering what happened 2 years ago, how you got through it and decided to go on. Counseling? Ignoring the elephant in the room? Something else? I would go back to that, but I bet there is plenty from that time that is thoroughly unresolved and unexplored.

And, if he was so over you for 2 years, why did he father a child with you, and relatively recently, for that matter?

Essentially, his story stinks, it doesn't hold up.

I vote that he was looking for some variety and, once he got caught, is trying to deflect the blame onto you. Regardless of what happened 2 years ago, he is a big boy, and he is responsible for his actions. Not just his actions in terms of making calls and signing up for a dating site, but also for creating a child with you.

I recommend counseling, mainly because I think you would like to at least make an effort to save your marriage. But I am not terribly optimistic, sorry. I do think, though, that when it is a marriage and, particularly, when there are young children involved, that couples should make big efforts to try to save what they've got. But that does not mean that, if all signs point to ending it, that that cannot happen.

Best of luck to both of you.
FOUND SOUL
 
  2  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 05:14 pm
@kimgamber,
Listen to his words...

Unfortunately, he "wants" to get over it, but he hasn't gotten over it...

If he says he knows what he has, and he's requesting for a long term relationship, then there is a very good chance that relationship, he wants back with you.

Like the other posters recommended, both of you go to marriage councelling, work out why you cheated, what went wrong in the marriage, and work on fixing it together.

If you are honest with yourself, you will know why.. If you put yourself in his shoes, you will see not only the pain, but also his question "why?"..

Love is an amazing thing, if you get it right and work at it.
kimgamber
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 05:35 pm
@jespah,
2 years ago we were in a rough spot and I had another person I work with telling me all the right things I wanted to hear I ended up having sex with him I felt so bad I told my husband but we kindof ignored the situation and moved on I kind of feel like this is his way to get back at me Sad and I now know completely how he felt 2 years ago
kimgamber
 
  1  
Reply Sat 26 Nov, 2011 05:40 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
Thank u just hearing someone's else's thoughts on this make me feel there is hope
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Sun 27 Nov, 2011 07:45 am
@kimgamber,
kimgamber wrote:
... we kindof ignored the situation and moved on ...


Unfortunately, stuff like this happens when you do things like that. It is not too late to deal with this, but it has to be dealt with. As in, actually confronting your problems and digging into them, as opposed to sweeping them under the rug.

I won't lie to you. Counseling can dredge up some pretty painful stuff. People don't love admitting - even to their spouses - that perhaps they were not their first choice, or they are inadequate lovers, or they are curious about the other sex, or they are dissatisfied with parenthood or any number of things that could be underlying causes for what happened.

But if that kinda stuff doesn't come out, and you reconcile again, I fear this will (or something like it) just come up again in another few years, and another and another. Or you'll walk on eggshells, in fear of that.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 29 Nov, 2011 02:27 pm
Boy - was he lucky. He had an excuse to cheat on his wife because she did the same 2 years ago. He got his "gotcha- payback" - and you accepted the excuse/story (even understand 'how he feels, now")

Blah-h-h-h!!!

There are kids here and you two better grow up. Have a real talk with him and you two decide if you want this marriage to work or not. There are others whose lives are being affected by all this.

Get some adult help.
0 Replies
 
 

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