I cheated and then husband cheated 2 years later

I suggest marriage counseling.

Oh and not talking to your friends about this and getting it known all over your community.

I am wondering what happened 2 years ago, how you got through it and decided to go on. Counseling? Ignoring the elephant in the room? Something else? I would go back to that, but I bet there is plenty from that time that is thoroughly unresolved and unexplored.

And, if he was so over you for 2 years, why did he father a child with you, and relatively recently, for that matter?

Essentially, his story stinks, it doesn't hold up.

I vote that he was looking for some variety and, once he got caught, is trying to deflect the blame onto you. Regardless of what happened 2 years ago, he is a big boy, and he is responsible for his actions. Not just his actions in terms of making calls and signing up for a dating site, but also for creating a child with you.

I recommend counseling, mainly because I think you would like to at least make an effort to save your marriage. But I am not terribly optimistic, sorry. I do think, though, that when it is a marriage and, particularly, when there are young children involved, that couples should make big efforts to try to save what they've got. But that does not mean that, if all signs point to ending it, that that cannot happen.

Best of luck to both of you.

Listen to his words...

Unfortunately, he "wants" to get over it, but he hasn't gotten over it...

If he says he knows what he has, and he's requesting for a long term relationship, then there is a very good chance that relationship, he wants back with you.

Like the other posters recommended, both of you go to marriage councelling, work out why you cheated, what went wrong in the marriage, and work on fixing it together.

If you are honest with yourself, you will know why.. If you put yourself in his shoes, you will see not only the pain, but also his question "why?"..

Love is an amazing thing, if you get it right and work at it.

2 years ago we were in a rough spot and I had another person I work with telling me all the right things I wanted to hear I ended up having sex with him I felt so bad I told my husband but we kindof ignored the situation and moved on I kind of feel like this is his way to get back at me and I now know completely how he felt 2 years ago

Thank u just hearing someone's else's thoughts on this make me feel there is hope

Unfortunately, stuff like this happens when you do things like that. It is not too late to deal with this, but it has to be dealt with. As in, actually confronting your problems and digging into them, as opposed to sweeping them under the rug.

I won't lie to you. Counseling can dredge up some pretty painful stuff. People don't love admitting - even to their spouses - that perhaps they were not their first choice, or they are inadequate lovers, or they are curious about the other sex, or they are dissatisfied with parenthood or any number of things that could be underlying causes for what happened.

But if that kinda stuff doesn't come out, and you reconcile again, I fear this will (or something like it) just come up again in another few years, and another and another. Or you'll walk on eggshells, in fear of that.

Boy - was he lucky. He had an excuse to cheat on his wife because she did the same 2 years ago. He got his "gotcha- payback" - and you accepted the excuse/story (even understand 'how he feels, now")

Blah-h-h-h!!!

There are kids here and you two better grow up. Have a real talk with him and you two decide if you want this marriage to work or not. There are others whose lives are being affected by all this.

Get some adult help.