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Would you rather have love or respect?

 
 
Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 05:57 pm
My second boyfriend threw me in a road when there was a car coming because he loved me and I split up with him because I didn't love him anymore. The last kind of 'thing' I had, kind of moved country for, actually, kind of enjoyed the fact he had the ability to rationalise us not being together, where as I was more upset. I know he thinks I'm super, he has tried his best to treat me with respect, and he says that he thinks I am worth a lot. Is it weird that I would kind of rather he had just gone mental and thrown me in a road?
 
boomerang
 
  3  
Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 06:04 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
I guess that to me they are really kind of the same thing, or at least inseparable. I could never really love someone I didn't respect.

I could feel sexual passion for them but not love.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 06:06 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
Agreeing with boomerang.
(Hi, PQ)
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 06:13 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
Is it wrong of me to think your exboyfriend's actions aren't proper sign of either love or respect?

That kind of pure psyhcopathic selfishness (I can't have you then no one can mentality) shouldn't be confused with sincere love, honor, or passion.
The Pentacle Queen
 
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Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 06:26 pm
@tsarstepan,
tsarstepan wrote:

Is it wrong of me to think your exboyfriend's actions aren't proper sign of either love or respect?

That kind of pure psyhcopathic selfishness (I can't have you then no one can mentality) shouldn't be confused with sincere love, honor, or passion.


No no, I think you're quite right, it was just selfish attachment, but somehow it was more satisfying than the other one's indifference.
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 06:50 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
Marietta (AKA Eurodiva) once held the mantra (?):
The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

Well, I guess it's an Elie Wiesel quote....

I can see where one would need to see some act or attachment such as this as more then just cold hard indifference. It's an emotional airbag I suppose albeit a ghostly illusory one.
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msolga
 
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Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 07:22 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
Quote:
My second boyfriend threw me in a road when there was a car coming because he loved me and I split up with him because I didn't love him anymore.

PQ, that doesn't sound anything like love to me.
More like the actions of an obsessive controller with a tendency towards violence when he doesn't get his way.
Quote:
The last kind of 'thing' I had, kind of moved country for, actually, kind of enjoyed the fact he had the ability to rationalise us not being together, where as I was more upset. I know he thinks I'm super, he has tried his best to treat me with respect, and he says that he thinks I am worth a lot.

And you might remain good friends for years, despite the relationship being over. Far worse ways for a relationship to end than that.
Quote:
Is it weird that I would kind of rather he had just gone mental and thrown me in a road?

Well, yes.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
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Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 07:42 pm
@The Pentacle Queen,
You're still very young, PQ, and you need to learn what's acceptable in a relationship and what's not. In all reality though, you respect the person you love and once you lose the respect, you fall out of love too!

Figure out what you want out of a relationship and what you don't want and then go from there. You only can be treated like a doormat if you allow it...
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 08:00 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:

Figure out what you want out of a relationship and what you don't want and then go from there. You only can be treated like a doormat if you allow it...


What if what she wants out of a relationship is to be treated like a doormat?
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maxdancona
 
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Reply Tue 8 Nov, 2011 08:04 pm
@boomerang,
In my experience they are not the same thing at all. I left a relationship because I felt love from her but not respect.

To me love is wanted to be with someone in a caring, emotional and passionate way. By respect I mean valuing what someone values, thinks and believes (leaving the toilet seat up is a completely different type of respect). To me this type of respect is very important. I gather that not everyone feels the same way.
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cuervo
 
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Reply Wed 9 Nov, 2011 12:52 am
@boomerang,
i agree
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cuervo
 
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Reply Wed 9 Nov, 2011 12:55 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
love is respect what you want is not love its thrill which can come with infatuation you should learn to have more love/respect for your self. then you can truly understand what it is your looking for. to answer the title i would rather have love that is to say respect.
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The Pentacle Queen
 
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Reply Wed 9 Nov, 2011 07:16 am
Hmm. I don't know how dormat-ish I was. I severed all ties with him the next day.

The way I'm seeing it currently is that I've spent 4 years of my life in relationships or in relationship-type things and I've been happy for about 6 months of that, but when I'm on my own I'm always happy. So, basically I can't be bothered any more.
0 Replies
 
 

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