Still in love after 10 years apart

Reply Thu 22 Sep, 2011 02:58 am
14 years ago I met a fantastic woman. I was 30, she was 23. We served together in the British forces, and got on like a house on fire.

After 2 years together we had a beautiful daughter, and life was still good. I had changed occupations though, and was spending more and more time away from home due to work commitments.

Our daughter had just turned 1 year old when we seemed to drift apart. I started having an affair with a woman I met in a bar, and before we knew it my partner and I had split up.

I was still working all over the place, my ex was still in the armed forces and moving around a lot, and within a couple of years we totally lost contact.

Roll the clock forward to last year. By now I had met someone else and we had been living together for about 7 years. One day out of the blue I get a Facebook request from my 12 year old daughter. I was apprehensive, but also excited.

We struck up a slow relationship, trying to get to know each other, trying to plan a meeting, trying to recover 10 lost years. Then one day she mentioned that she was going out with her 'dad'. My ex had gotten married 5 years ago and my daughter looked to this guy as her dad. I was gutted.

Move on to early this year. We had moved on from Facebook chat to making the occasional phone call, and even arranged a reunion. We were getting there.....slowly.

The big day came. For the first time in 10 years I met my daughter......and saw my ex. BOOM!!!! I thought my heart was going to explode in my chest. She looked fantastic. I had to put this aside though. Today was about my daughter. So, that's what I did, and we had a great day.

Time passed and I stayed in touch with my daughter as best I could. Things were strained, but I was expecting it. I was a stranger to her. I also started chatting with my ex, and before we knew it we were talking less about our daughter, and more about us and our past.

Within a couple of months we were planning another meeting. Not just father and daughter. We were talking about starting an affair! We both knew it was wrong, but something about it felt so right.

And so, last week, I went to visit my daughter. Before I met up with her I had arranged to meet up with my ex. We needed to talk face to face and try and work out what was going on.

Neutral ground, a public bar, and within minutes we were looking into each others eyes, holding hands, laughing, and chatting like we'd never been apart. We decided to wait and see what happened. There were too many variables being messed with at the same time. Marriage, partnerships, kids, work, homes, the list was endless. We left the bar and went to catch the train to meet our daughter from school.

As we waited on the platform we chatted, we laughed, but then...... we kissed. Not a peck, but a full on, deep, passionate, incredible kiss. It felt like no kiss I'd ever had with anyone else in my entire life! We looked at each other, both said "Oh ****", and then kissed again and again until the train arrived.

The following day was spent taking my daughter on a shopping trip, and I had a fantastic time. We were getting there slowly. She still talked about her 'dad', and referred to me by my first name, but slowly, slowly we were building something.

In the evening, 'dad' came to pick up my daughter, and for some crazy reason my ex asked him if it was OK for her to go out for a drink with me. He said yes!

We had a brilliant evening together, but it culminated in us both being naked in my hotel room and declaring our new-born love for each other!

Now, I'm back at home. My head is in a total mess. My ex's head is the same. We're on the phone or texting constantly. I do truly think we are in love again, and I know that when we're together it feels amazingly right!

I can't talk to anyone about this. My ex can't either. There's a million tons of background story that I've not even mentioned. I guess this is just me needing to tell someone.

I don't know if I have any questions. I'm pretty sure someone out there has some answers though.
Reply Thu 22 Sep, 2011 03:53 am
Sure you can talk to someone.

Talk to your current flames, both of you, and say, "I'm sorry, but I saw my ex, it was like we had never been apart, and I am afraid it's over between you and me. I never meant to hurt you."

And mean it.

Not ready to do that? Then don't have an affair.

In short, Readers' Digest version: finish up one relationship before starting another.

It is fairest to all and your daughter will learn a much better lesson from that than she would by finding out (and she will) that you are carrying on.
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Reply Thu 22 Sep, 2011 04:12 am
A couple of comments come to mind you allowed yourself to loss all contact with your daughter for a decade or so and then you are hurt that she consider the man who had been raising her along with you ex-love her Dad???!!!!!????

Next comment you and your ex are cheerfully thinking of turning this girl world upside down by destroying the home/family she is now growing up in.

The four "adults" are of secondary important however it seem very unfair to both the man who had form a life in good faith with your ex and was the one taking on the task of raising your daughter and your current long term girlfreind.
Reply Thu 22 Sep, 2011 06:12 am
I agree with BillRM....
(I can't believe I said that. Shocked )
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Reply Thu 22 Sep, 2011 06:15 am
Your daughter will understand your re-connection story with your wife, believe me.

What she won't understand is where you have been for the past 12 years.

I'd like to suggest that you work on the relationship with the daughter just as her birth father. Try to explain what you have been doing all those years and why you were not able to pay attention to her. You will need her to understand and possibly forgive you. Don't try to replace her father, just be there as an addition to her life as the birth father.

Re: the ex. SLOW DOWN. Please step back and look at this with clear vision. The stakes are very high.
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Reply Thu 22 Sep, 2011 07:33 am
I know this won't find many affirmations here on a2k, but I'm going to say it anyway and just get voted down.

Stop being a selfish asshole.

Same with your Ex. If nothing else, wait until the girl is old enough to stop giving a **** how the people in authority over here are tossing around her life. Once the poor girl is old enough to have a clearer understanding of what a stable relationship looks like feel free to get back with your ex and screw your lives up again.

You cheated on your ex before, leading to what I assume was your original breakup, and now you're doing the same damn thing to your new (more stable) partner. In short, you've learned nothing so what the hell makes you think you deserve another shot with her?

And as Jespah said, end it with your respective partners before you try to start up the wreckwagon again.
Reply Thu 22 Sep, 2011 08:33 am
You expressed exactly what I was thinking Questioner. Consider this one affirmation.
Reply Fri 23 Sep, 2011 05:46 pm
dam, that is Like a column in the back pages of the Sun. And who said distance make the heart grow fonder. Hope it works out for you and your family.
Reply Sat 24 Sep, 2011 05:56 am
Chinspinner wrote:

dam, that is Like a column in the back pages of the Sun. And who said distance make the heart grow fonder. Hope it works out for you and your family.

There's no mention of Wayne Rooney.
Reply Sat 24 Sep, 2011 07:08 am
True,was referring to Dear Deidre (sp?) near back pages.
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Finn dAbuzz
Reply Sat 24 Sep, 2011 10:10 am
CoastalRat wrote:

You expressed exactly what I was thinking Questioner. Consider this one affirmation.

Make that two.

Remove the 12 year old from the equation and you're left with a pretty hackneyed story. Guy marries woman, get bored and has an affair, and marriage ends. Three years later Guy meets new woman and moves in with her. After seven years he gets bored and is on the lookout for a fling. Fate brings him and his Ex back together. Ex still looks pretty hot (better than current roommate), she's safe and familiar and feels the magic too. Guy and Ex go to bed but now alternate between flights of rhapsody and wondering how they could be so lucky. New girlfriend and new husband? Mehhh.

Reinsert the daughter and if you are the Guy, insert heart-tugging sub-plot of reunion with child that Fate chose to separate from her father. Focus on the Guy's gritty determination to press on in building a new relationship with his child... even though it tears him up when he hears her call another man "Dad."

From this point we can rest assured that Guy and Ex will let their current partners down softly and it will break their hearts because the truth is they really loved them too.

The two star-crossed lovers will to rush one another's eager arms. They both agree, though, that based on past experience they probably shouldn't tempt Fate by seeking too much happiness and so they agree not to remarry...right now.

Daughter and Guy slowly develop (thanks to Guy's patience and sensitivity) a deep and loving father/child bond that is almost stronger than any other could be because of their years apart.

Guy and Ex decide to commemorate their new found love and family by adding a living symbol of their eternal devotion: a second child. Little Guy is born a little less than 9 months after they move in together.

Now for how the real story is likely to play out:

Guy dumps his girlfriend of seven years and Ex dumps her husband of ten and move in together. They have loads of passionate and crazy sex for about six months

Because they were so befogged with excitement and lust that first night of renewed carnal delight, they took no precautions and so Ex is now knocked up.

12 year old girl is devastated. The only man she has ever known and loved as her Dad has been kicked to the side of the road because her Mom wants a second fling with the Guy who betrayed and abandoned her ten years ago.

She blames Guy who shortly after they are all reunited loses any real interest in building a relationship with his daughter.

After Ex give birth to Little Guy she take a bit longer to bounce back to Hot than Guy would like. By bugging him about getting a better job, now that there are four mouths that have to be fed, Ex reminds Guy why he may have fallen out of love with her the first time around.

Two years later daughter is messing around with drugs and hanging with a wild crowd. There are a couple of scares that she might be pregnant. Ex has sunk into depression and made no effort to return to Hot and, in fact, has really let herself go.

Guy gets bored and starts looking for a fling...
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Reply Mon 26 Sep, 2011 03:29 pm
In my opinion you have a hard time with the word "love" and a great time with the word "lust".

I say that because in reading that, 1/4 was about your daughter and 3/4's was about your ex wife, and no where did you glam up the woman of 7 years and all the things she did for you...And, you pretty much "used" your daughter as a means to see her Mother...

Chemistry is what happened, as soon as you saw your Ex, it was "wow she's hot now, or still"..

Now you are about to jepodize the only opportunity you had to get to finally know your daughter, I wonder, how she found you? Through her Mother? Maybe it's her Mother that is still in love with you...

If I was you.. I'd spend all my time getting to know your daughter and stop being a teenager, be grown up, your daughter came looking for you....

If you are meant to be back with your ex wife one day, it will happen but not this way...

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