Will he ever stop or am I just wasting my time.

Forums: Relationships, Dating
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I have been dating this man for 5 years. We have a 4 year old daughter together. We used to live together but I had to move out hoping that he would change. We have different religion but I knew that when we first started dating and that did not bother me. He is muslim and I am catholic.
When we were living together, has cheated on me, he was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive. It all started after my daughter was born. It went on for 3 1/2 years till I moved out into my parents house. I had to leave. Now he wants to get back together again and he has told me he has changed. It has been almost 2 years since we have been living separately. Even not living with him in those past 2 years he has hit me a few times but he is still emotionally abusive towrds me. He tells me he is changed man but I don't know if I can believe him. I know I dont need him financially I have a full time job. I just dont know what to do. I still love this man and I cant seem to get him off my brain. Even after all the things he has done to me. I have high hopes that he will change. He has told me he has but still in every way disrespects me. He tells me I am complaining to much when I try to tell him how I feel. Am I wasting my time and move on or still give him a chance? Any body have any advice?

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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 1,139 • Replies: 8

@mbza21,

What the heck do you think?

"He has told me he has but still in every way disrespects me. He tells me I am complaining to much when I try to tell him how I feel. Am I wasting my time and move on or still give him a chance? "

Again, what the heck do you think? Come on, you're not really an idiot, are you?

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@mbza21,

Quote:

I have high hopes that he will change.

He isn't the one who has to change. You do. Nothing will change until you realize that it is you who must change, regardless of what he does or doesn't do to change.

What is it that you must change? Here's a clue:

Quote:

I still love this man and I cant seem to get him off my brain. Even after all the things he has done to me.

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@mbza21,

Maybe you just need to stop and ask yourself if that’s the type of man you want in you and your daughter’s life. And I would hope you don’t answer yes.

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@MMarciano,

You left for a reason right? You followed your intuition. I would hassed at a guess "love" is on your mind not him. The need and desire to be loved. You are, by your family and by your child, un-conditional love.

You know the answer you are just "hoping" someone says to you, "yes" people change..They do but they have to want to change for themselves as no one can change a person.

Do you respect yourself? Because all the way through this he has disrespected you. You met, got pregnant and even a baby didn't change his attitude of intimidation, emotional, physical or verbal abuse...Think of your child, living in that environment and how your child will be affected and then think of yourself, you can stand on your own two feet, you have a job and family support. Don't think that there is no one out there for you, just because you have a child...Get out there more and mix with friends, meet people..This man is not your World, he is toxic

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@mbza21,

Sure he'll stop.

He'll stop when you're dead.

If you'd like for him to stop earlier, stay away and keep away. Only interact with him enough for custody purposes.

Sorry if this is harsh but abuse is, by definition, harsh. And you might want to seriously conisder the example you are setting for your daughter if you return, which would be that women are punching bags and no one deserves to be happy and safe.

1 Reply

OMG - what is going on in your life that you would put yourself and your child in the path of an abuser? and you are thinking of going back?

What is there to "love" in this man?

("Beat me, Beat me, 'cause I love it when you stop . . .")

He is a cheater, liar, abuser and you don't need him financially.

So what's up with him??

WHAT is his hold on you?

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@jespah,

Nicely put! my sister was in the same situation, I finally had enough of seeing her going through that torment, I stepped in, my sister didn’t talk to me for six months but she is now thankful I finally spoke my peace about the jerk she was dating. And she's now thankful I did.

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@MMarciano,

Thanks; you're a good brother.

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Will he ever stop or am I just wasting my time.

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