Are run-ons acceptable here?

Forums: English, Esl, Grammar, Run-On Sentences
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There are lots of run-on sentences in the context below. Do you think they are acceptable?

Context:

Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have withered. Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes, whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out.

Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world of band. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was ?amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.

Light vied with wine, elegance mixed with fragrance, laughing covered by greetings, the crowed was busy at handshaking. You stood there, eyes on me. I trembled at the sparkles, brighter than the light. A masterpiece from God, I felt dizzy. We were not near, yet we were together.

Days ended. You said, you would wait for me at th e Alps side. We would ski against snowflakes dancing in the sky. I gave no answer but a good-bye to accompany your flight. Gone was the plane, I suddenly tasted my pain. I knew I had been silly and stupid, you were in my heart, I shouldn ’t have hidden in the dark. I tried to forget your disappointment. I made believe sometime someday, I would tell you, I feel all the same.

My thought struggled at confessing, somehow hesitation ended in flinching. I continued my role of a fool, clinched to my maiden pride, yet secretly indulged in your promise of the white land -- snow measuring down to us, in your arms I am lifted up. The chiming of Christmas bell!

The bell died in the patter of rain, from hell came the laughing of Satan at my brain. Tearful smile, swallowed by the darkness. How could I trace your hair to wipe your tears? My hands reached out, catching nothing but a raindrop, on a leaf that had withered.

Snowflakes have melted into water, we are no more together.

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 1,618 • Replies: 20

[+3] - ehBeth - 08/28/2011It scans more like poetry than like prose. It seems to be a beautifully emotional piece, with a few oddities that suggest it may be written by someone who is not culturally Western. i.e....

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@oristarA,

It scans more like poetry than like prose.

It seems to be a beautifully emotional piece, with a few oddities that suggest it may be written by someone who is not culturally Western. i.e. Christmas bell. This is usually written in the plural - Christmas bells. Also - my head spin. This is usually 'my head spins'.

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@ehBeth,

ehBeth wrote:

It scans more like poetry than like prose.

It seems to be a beautifully emotional piece, with a few oddities that suggest it may be written by someone who is not culturally Western. i.e. Christmas bell. This is usually written in the plural - Christmas bells. Also - my head spin. This is usually 'my head spins'.

So it is qualified to break through grammatical rules?

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@oristarA,

yes

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I tell my students that the run-on sentence results from their dictating to themselves in their heads as they type. Let's face it, most of us speak in run-on sentences.

To illustrate the source of the run-on, I tell my students to imagine the first person to cross the finish line at the end of a marathon. Reporters stick microphones in the person's face who pants out, "I am so happy I trained diligently for several years my regimen includes rising at 6 am daily and running three 10k races a week I am a vegetarian."

I have written here that if students were taught the Reed-Kellogg system of diagramming or the newer, tree-shaped system now favored by linguists or the Montessori method of sentence analysis, that run-ons would not happen. I was pooh-poohed by all the English teachers here. Sarcasm intended.

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Bookmark

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@oristarA,

I've looked into this a bit more. This was apparently a love letter from Weng Fan to her husband. I don't think people are necessarily as careful about editing their personal writings as they might be with materials meant for publication.

Are run-ons acceptable in this case? yes.

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@oristarA,

Run on sentences are not an issue of grammar, Ori. They are solely a stylistic issue and they relate to formal written English. As Pom has noted and Beth has pointed out, in a manner of speaking, we use run on sentences all the time.

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@ehBeth,

Quote:

This is usually 'my head spins'.

In this case, I would say that it would be,

My head spun

Doncha think, Beth?

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@JTT,

JTT wrote:

Quote:
This is usually 'my head spins'.

In this case, I would say that it would be,

My head spun

Doncha think, Beth?

I prefer
My head went bippety boppety boo boo wah wah schoobubby doo yeah yeah.

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@plainoldme,

Quote:

I have written here that if students were taught the Reed-Kellogg system of diagramming or the newer, tree-shaped system now favored by linguists or the Montessori method of sentence analysis, that run-ons would not happen. I was pooh-poohed by all the English teachers here. Sarcasm intended.

I don't recall any English teachers pooh poohing that idea, Pom, except for me. But this wasn't the issue upon which I rested my pooh poohs.

When I first read it I thought that might just work but I now think that it may be a waste of time.

I am so happy I trained diligently for several years, my regimen includes rising at 6 am daily and running three 10k races a week, I'm a vegetarian.

As you can see, I added punctuation to that sentence and it's fine, UNLESS you want to make that particular text into formal or academic writing.

Obviously, no one does.

Why not just tell kids the truth? And I'm sure that you do. We write in a different fashion for formal/academic purposes. The kids already have an idea of how that works because they are all familiar with formal registers of speech.

There is no big problem. All the whining about kids getting to the college level without knowing this and that is mostly a bunch of hoo hah. They will learn to write, like everyone else who has ever learned to write, by writing.

Yes, and by teachers helping them recraft sentences, illustrate how to use more formal synonyms and a number of other tricks that you're obviously aware of.

Parsing sentences and filling their heads with arcane and just flat out wrong grammatical rules is not at all necessary.

In fact, it's so bloody apparent, it's a mystery how anyone can miss it. There are a lot of capable writers and they all learned in spite of being taught a bunch of nonsense rules that have nothing to do with English. Many have gone thru diagramming sentences without really learning much at all about English grammar.

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@JTT,

The sentence is not fine.

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@JTT,

It sounds better, but I don't think I'd use it. Spun in a context other than preparing yarn always seems odd to me.

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@JTT,

What you've done is create an error known as the comma splice. When I was in elementary school, diagramming sentences, I never heard of that mistake. When I was in high school, a comma splice was never mentioned. It didn't appear when I took an upper level grammar course at Wayne State University.

I suggest that the error did not exist then. No one made it because student writers understood how to craft a sentence.

This is the sort of thing my students and I would work out on the white board or the computerized projector. I tell them there are many ways to be right.

I am so happy that my diligent training included rising at 6 am daily, and running three 10K races a week and practicing vegetarianism.

Diligent training in the form of rising at 6 AM daily, running three 10K races a week and adhering to a vegetarian diet is responsible for my success.

I am so happy that I trained diligently for several years with a regimen that included rising at 6 am daily and running three 10K races each week. I am also a vegetarian.

I could continue but you will come up with some sort of disagreement (notice that I did not use the word argument), so there is no point in my going on.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

Quote:

Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin.

You'd have to use it, or maybe better, 'was spinning', because, to my mind I don't believe [though I could be wrong] that the woman wants to say that her head regularly/habitually spins, which is what the present simple says.

Had the story all been told in present simple, though I don't think it's that kind of story, then 'spins' would be okay.

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@JTT,

Obviously my suggestion is superior in every way, but failing that JTT is right. Spun, or was spinning, you don't mix up tenses.

1 Reply

@plainoldme,

A comma splice is not necessarily an error. 'error' is even an odd description. It isn't part of formal writing but it certainly could be part of fiction.

Rules of punctuation are not cast in stone.

If you wanted to show that that all rushed out of the mouth of the runner at the finish line, that it was one breathless exhalation, adding punctuation would spoil the effect.

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@JTT,

As I have said to you many, many times, it is in the grammar books that are used in colleges. A common splice is an error that the entire faculty abhors. Why? Because a comma is the equivalent of slowing down at a stop sign and rolling through. A period is a full stop.

But, let's face it, you are both bone dumb and stubborn. I'd love to have you in a remedial class just to read that you failed the departmental exam.

1 Reply

@izzythepush,

What is really wrong with "My head spin" is that the subject and verb do not agree.

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@plainoldme,

Quote:

it is in the grammar books that are used in colleges

Those "grammar books" are a joke, POM. There is one online, the Capital Community College grammar site. What a joke!

Quote:

A common splice is an error that the entire faculty abhors.

Is this that same "faculty" that doesn't know better than to confuse kids about the meaning of 'subject'.

Prescriptivist always 'abhor' these "mistakes". That's an effective part of their sthick. They use it to buffalo kids into not questioning them. Whenever I ask you about a grammar issue or take you to task for correcting someone's writing here when there's no mistake, you head for the hills.

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Are run-ons acceptable here?

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