One of my cows is really sick. Help me please.

Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 08:10 am
I just took a stroll out to the back forty and discovered ol' Bessie in a prone position. She usually jumps up when she hears my pitchfork scraping the ground, but this morning she just laid there, not moving at all. I leaned down and whispered gently into her ear... nothing. I grabbed a bucket of water and threw that on her. Nothing there either.

I'm beginning to think she is really ill and I might have to call Doc Lepistuder and have him come out and take a look. That's gonna cost me some money though, so I though I'd ask here first.

Any of you familiar with sick cattle? Any ideas how I can fix this one here up?

Course, she might just be sleeping. I'll give her a little more time.

However, is she doesn't wake up soon, or none of you folks have any ideas, I'll be forced to call Lepistuder and shell out the 20 bucks.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 2 • Views: 2,873 • Replies: 29
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 08:12 am
She does seem a little puny this morning, Gus--have you changed her feed recently? Do you keep salt licks readily available in the fields? I'm sure you have your livestocks' best interests at heart, but you have to be very vigilant, and assure that you meet all of their needs promptly.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 08:14 am
hmmm, puzzling. very very puzzling. try garlick. back in Slovakia it works for every ailment. yup.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 08:15 am
I'd worry a bit more about the other cows that've been feeding upon her.

Mad! At the academy they said I was Mad! But... I'll show them! MwuahHaHaHaHaHaHa chortle chortle...wheeze.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 09:04 am
Maybe she just needs a little water?
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 09:08 am
are the vultures hungry?
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 09:21 am
Yeah, I think she's a bit dehydrated.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 09:31 am
I think she looks svelt. The Bulls in NYC pay big money for that heroin chic look in a cow. Put her on the corner dude.
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Slappy Doo Hoo
Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 09:54 am
How does she keep that slim figure?
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 10:01 am
Atkins diet?
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 10:23 am
Mad cow disease...?

They say your cow is crazy
it doesn't graze on grass and wheat
her brain is filled with holes
which make her tainted meat
Her feed contains ingredients
not fit for cow or man
you can't feed your cow meat you know
she's a vegetarian
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Craven de Kere
Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 10:45 am
I don't know what you all are rambling about, looks fine to me.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 10:47 am
mmmm... Ribs! Slap a little BBQ sauce on her and she'll be just fine.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 11:56 am
If you set yourself a trap, you may be able to catch a couple of those Buzzards for your supper.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 12:00 pm
A popsicle stick and a helium balloon ought to - Oh, never mind.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 12:03 pm
I think you ought to start looking for a new wife.
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 12:05 pm
is that what happened to the 'borden' cow?

looks like your cow's on crack gus..... we have an excellent residential treatment program for her here in orlando..
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 02:48 pm
Its a norwegian milk Cow, lovely cow the Norwegian. Its probably just pinin for the fjords.
your pasture looks a little thin , could use some fertilizer. Id use an organic fertilizewr like some ground bone. Have any?
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Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 04:32 pm
I'd like to thank everyone here for their advice and concern. It really helped me through a very traumatic time in my life.

Guys and gals, the outpouring of love I'm feeling from all of you is almost too much for me to handle. I read your concerned replies and I had to, well.... damn it, I had to cry.

I sat back in my chair and wailed like a baby. "Where would I be without my friends from A2K, I thought.

Eventually I composed myself and said, "Damn it, Gus, it's time to get to work.

I tossed prodigious amounts of water on the cow, as advised by littlek and Roger. Next, I sprinkled some Acme Organic Ground Bone Fertilizer in the area right around her. (good call, farmerman)

I purchased a popsicle stick and a helium balloon from the hardware store, as advised by edgarblythe, but I wasn't quite sure what to do with them. I'll save them for the next party at the VFW.

But I'll have to say that dagmaraka is a friggin' genius! Acting upon her advice, I sprinkled "garlick" on and around the fallen beast.

To my surprise , the animal started to stir, and moments later attempted to struggle to its feet. I raced to the house and called Doc Lepistuder.

He's out there now attending to her...


Doc told me, "Gus, if it wasn't for your friends coming to you and Bessie in your darkest hour, you probably would have lost this magnificent creature. Consider yourself a lucky man."
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Mr Stillwater
Reply Wed 14 Jan, 2004 05:02 pm
Err Gus, you might want to call over Rev McAllister with some holy water too. Bessie has now joined the undead....


....and is probably flying outside your window even as I type this.

Been nice knowing you.
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