My husband took my kids to his ex-wife's house

true. a public place would have been better, but I dont get the idea that the guy had any bad things in mind. He probably was not concerned about her behavior, not worried about her hurting anyone.. so meh.

Listen, I agree that nothing bad was likely to happen, but there was bad blood between the two women and they both figure in his life. One gave birth to his first child and the other gave birth to his other two. Not to mention what's happened in between. If there's any chance of a problem, be UP FRONT about the situation, talk it out. That's all. I'm not saying he's WRONG - but I am saying he's STUPID.

There were a number of smarter ways to handle this. It's the bad blood that's causing the problem right now. And he was fully aware of it. So, he's a nincompoop. And she's just pissed, not scared or threatened.

Well sweetiepie, you still got the idea - I just translated from the Krautland where we say "Einen Elefanten aus einer Muecke machen" (make an elephant out of a mosquito). I have no clue where the mole came from

Anyhuesette, signed
honeybunnyfunny

i agree with you. completely.

I was just trying to give the guy some points. I mean, I highly doubt he would have taken the kids with him if he thought she was going to steal them, or cause a problem.

So .. meh. No big deal there.

I will be angry too, and they did not tell you either, I simply dont trust ex-wifes and is not a matter of agreeing and be ok, is a matter of boundaries and respect, it looks they are hiding something since they did not tell you at least that is what it looks like, I am sorry, I did not like here that, because i use to trust in an exboyfriend and his exwife end up getting pregnant while he and I live together, nasty but happened

Hello lam7608
First of all do not get angry and annoy, just keep yourself cool and calm and wait for right time. When everything set well then ask your question to you husband after taking your husband under confidence. There is a solution for a every problem just think positively, everything gonna be all right and this shell go pass.

Yes - I'm thinking his also - it seems at least to me from looking from the outside - he was afraid to mention it to you. He was afraid you wouldn't allow it or be mad at him for it. And he really wanted to his grandchild and have your kids go along.

I'm not excusing his actions as you really shouldn't hide something like this - especially where your children are involved - but maybe if you understood how much he really wanted to visit them, it might make the pain on your side a little less.

My opinion is it would be best to talk it out one more time - to get his viewpoint and then close the matter. Maybe say something I like understand how it important it is for you to meet and spend time with your daughter and grandchild, but please in the future let me know the details. I love you and I would understand, but not telling me first makes me feel like you are hiding something and I wouldn't be able to trust you. (or whatever it makes you feel)

Come to a compromise for the future and forgive and forget. Not saying it is easy - but would be better than constantly fighting about it.

I don't think you are thinking like a man here. He was in town and thought about seeing his grandchild and went, taking his kids with him. He probably didn't give a second thought about hurting anyone's feelings. After all, who would complain about a guy taking his kids to see a relative. From the OP's description it doesn't even sound like he hid it, more like the wife found out while he was still visiting. If it bothers the OP, she should definitely mention it but mentioning it twice seems like too much.

maybe I'm reading this wrong, but I thought she said it was planned visit - she knew he was going to see his daughter and granddaughter - but did not know he was going to stay at his ex-wife's house. He neglected to state that.

And actually I wasn't thinking he was trying to hurt his wife's feelings - actually the opposite - it seems to me (in a guy's dumba$$ way) he was trying to spare her feelings - either that or save his a$$ by not telling her. In one way do I think he did it to hurt hers.

I only say mentioning it again so she can get closure and agreement going forward. I would be afraid if she didn't it will continue to fester.

All this discussion is sort of moot if it's at all directed to the OP as the date and timestamp is back in time: Tue 9 Aug, 2011. The OP has long since left the site.