help please !!!

Then ... stop saying it.

Really, you do have control over the words that come tumbling out of your mouth.

Now, do you think you will leave this guy? Are you having a lot of fights? How do the fights go? Are they fair, or below the belt? Are there a lot of things blown out of proportion? If you are in a bf/gf relationship and (and I don't know the details) not living together, chances are good that there isn't much big to fight about unless there's been infidelity or suspected infidelity. But for people who aren't engaged and aren't living together, there tend to not be roommate-type things or money issues.

Think about this. If there are a lot of big fights now, without the big commitment, what's life going to be like if you do commit to each other in a much more permanent manner?

Perhaps your own means of fighting is trying to tell you something.

Your boyfriend just wants to get to the make up sex.

You haven't said what the fights are about - or how serious they are.

But why jump to the "leaving" stage every time you have a disagreement?

It sounds like you never learned how to argue or state your unhappiness or objection without threatening to leave.

But then again, you have not stated what the arguments are about.

It sounds like the method you learned to handle conflict is to threaten. You are not unique in this, a lot of people handle conflict by yelling or hitting or threatening or letting the country default on its debts. You might consider getting some help on how to handle conflicts, not only to help you with your boyfriend, but to help you with all the conflicts in your life.

It depends on what your fighting over, but I say if you get mad at him, just use the basic techniques. Count to ten in your head, take a moment to breathe. When he leaves, start thinking about why the fight started and how you could make it better. In the end, you might break up with him, but thats okay, because you will find someone else. I am a boy, and I know this is what I do, maybe it works for girls too.

p.s it doesn't matter what the fights are about , I always find myself jumping into the leaving part and threatening to leave him , he is usually very very rude with me when we are fighting ,but then he becomes very sweet and nice after i threaten to leave ,, if i don't threaten to leave him he won't even make up with me and will stay angry for very very long hours ... we do live together and awe are engaged . and we normally fight because I'm a model and he is extremely jealous and possessive and blows up if any man looks at me when we are together even at the grocery store ..

Is this a different guy than the person you referred to as your husband in 2010?

yes it is a different guy

Is there something you can have that will remind you not to lose your cool? Sometimes in the heat of the moment you forget to keep a level head. Maybe some sort of friendship bracelet or a string around your finger - something that will get you to stop and think for a second - then you can do the counting to 1 - 10 in your head.

Also, when you are not fighting do you discuss how his rude behavior causes such a reaction in you? It almost sounds like you both have "bad fighting" behaviors - is there a way you can have a disagreement without both blowing up?

Do not say "I do" to this man. Now, or ever.

I think you need therapy to learn how to be in a relationship. Maybe you are picking the wrong people and you need to learn how not to that too.

Or just learn how to control your anger. Which falls in line with what Green Witch is suggesting. Sounds to me like you have issues yourself that you need to get a solid grapple on before you worry about dating. Your name belies what your brief description above suggest your true nature is.

I tried to see a therapist for my anger and my mishandling to conflict but my boyfriend gave me hell about it , he told me that i shouldn't be opening up to strangers about my issues , i think he is afraid that the therapist my turn me against him because most of our fights are over his controlling issues and him being too jealous and trying to control me and also he is very very rude with everybody and blows up very quickly with other people just not with me

Then leave him now. If he's not interested in you bettering yourself and improving your relationship with him then make good on your threat and get out of there.

But continue to see the therapist and better yourself. Learn how to fight healthily (there is a way) and you'll find that the frequency and severity of fights lessen.

All bad. Time to leave and learn self-respect so this type of male does not attract you anymore. You picked him because you do not like who you are, and you stay with him because you think you do not deserve better. He stays because he agrees with you. Basically, both of you have no respect for you.