Sat 10 Jan, 2004 07:24 pm
A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?"
The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it so we
don't carry it."
The duck says, "Okay," and leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any
Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.
Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?"
The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've
never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me
again, I'll nail your feet to the goddam floor!" The duck leaves.
The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?"
"Got any duck feed?"
Iv'e heard this joke, but it was as a duck, going to a bar, asking for grapes.
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the
repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat.
Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail
you a check.
Oh, by the way don! 't worry about my bulldog.
He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances,
talk to my parrot!"
"I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following
day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has
ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on
the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his
incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain h! imself any longer and
"Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied,
"Get him, Spike!"
There's this magician working on a small cruise ship. He's been doing his routines every night for a year or two now. The audiences appreciate him, and he's got enough in his routine to cover the cruise so he doesn't have to worry too much about new tricks.
However, the captains parrot sits in the back row and watches him night after night, year after year. Finally, the parrot figures out how the tricks work and starts giving it away for the audience. For example, when the magician makes a bouquet of flowers disappear, the parrot squawks "Behind his back! Behind his back!" Well, the magician get really annoyed at this, but he doesn't know what to do. The parrot belongs to the Captain, so he can't just kill it.
One day, in the middle of the show the ship springs a leak and sinks. The magician manages get overboard and swim to a plank of wood floating by and grabs on. Next minute the parrot pops up out of the water and sits on the other end of the plank. The just stare at each other and drift for afew hours. Finally the parrot looks at the magician and says: "OK, I give up. Where did you hide the ship?"
Cute parrot jokes. Quite enjoyable.