Is this woman crazy?

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I'll try to keep this as short as possible. 8 months ago I started a new job and there were 2 women there that took a liking to me. One was very agressive, and the other was younger and wanted to play games. I did have true feelings for the younger woman (we'll call her Kelly). We went out 3 times, but the second time we went out she said "I'm not looking for anything serious." and "I don't really want a boyfriend". So I took it as, she knew I was interested but was telling me 'no'. Plus, everyone told me she was big on gossip and drama. I was looking for something stable at the time, so I got with the agressive woman (we'll call her Lindsay)

I started dating Lindsay, but I wanted to keep it on the DL since we all work together and Kelly was the office gossip. We were all at a club after an office celebration and Kelly saw us making out...she took this as a betrayl of trust. I didn't know it at the time, but Kelly and Lindsay hated each other. So Kelly didn't want to hang out with me anymore and I basically told her we couldn't hang out because I didn't want any drama. Several months later, Lindsay cheated on me. And Kelly was there as a friend to help me through it.

We were friends until Kelly quit her job, practically best friends. So when she left, I told her was still interested in her (and I always was) and I wanted to see where we could take our relationship. She said she wanted to go slow and we were going very slow...very slow. So I got really drunk one night and kissed her. I told her I always wanted her (again) and she flipped out. She said everything she could think of to hurt me and said we should take some time off. The next day she was at a cookout and texted me that we would not be going to a wedding we were suppose to go to in 2 weeks. And I told her when she's ready to talk we should talk. It's been 4 days...I haven't gone 2 days without seeing her since we met.

I just can't understand what I did that pissed her off so much. She said "I know what I said hurt you but you really pissed me off" So I know it wasn't the kiss, she kissed me back. I don't get it, it turns out she liked me all along her friend was saying. We're seriously 2 peas in a pod when we're together. I really don't want to let her go because she is a great person when you get past all the BS she puts out. Worst part is, her birthday is coming up in a few days and I don't want any drama, if its over, I just want to give her the present, tell her I want to be with her, but I can't go through this crazy crap. But I don't want to ruin her birthday...what should I do? I can't call her because clearly she doesn't want to talk.

I definitely want to be with her. I can withstand the BS/drama, but only if I know we're together. What are my options?

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A bit of advice NEVER date people you work with. It rarely works out well.

1 Reply

@Arella Mae,

Thanks, we don't work together any more. And me and Lindsay are fine.

1 Reply

@chrisbeeson,

I am glad it worked out well for you.

1 Reply

@Arella Mae,

Not really. This post isn't about sex with co-workers. That just happens to be the back story.

2 Replies

@chrisbeeson,

So your original post wasn't actually about what it says? Sorry, you lost me.

1 Reply

@chrisbeeson,

I am sorry, but you created all the drama in the first place. Co-worker Kelly rejected you and you had nothing better to do than start an affair with co-worker Lindsey. When Lindsey cheated on you, Kelly came into the picture again - luckily she quit her job, otherwise the drama could have no end.

I have a feeling that Kelly never was really interested in anything else but
a platonic friendship. She hated Lindsey and was there to comfort you in your pain, that's all. When you kissed her you broke the platonic friendship and it's probably best, you seek your next romantic encounter outside of your work environment. Leave Kelly alone - should she be really interested in you romantically (I doubt that very much) then she'll contact you.

1 Reply

@Arella Mae,

The post is "Is this woman crazy?" and the posed question is "What are my options?" Not should I have sex with co-workers. What you're reading before the posed question is called context for better informed answers. Do I sound like an asshole? I'm really not trying to be rude, but I know I'm blunt and I can come off that way.

1 Reply

@chrisbeeson,

I didn't say a word about you having sex with anyone.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

Thank you. That's what I wanted to hear. She was interested in me, before and after (all her friends said so) but no I would not have gone after her if she still worked with me. I think her issue may be with the fact that she lost me to someone she hated because she was too scared to admit her feelings for me.

But I agree with you that I should walk away, despite the fact I can't stand not being around her. The problem that I know will come up, is she'll still want to be friends (and in some ways we'll have to be since we frequent the same spots and have many friends in common) I've been shut in all weekend trying to avoid her but at some point I will have to surface. I'm not sure I could be friends with her, especially if she doesn't apologize for the things she said. I only pissed her off when I reminded her that we could have been together before, but she attacked my motivations, which basically made me out to be a real piece of crap (I may be that, but I would never have hurt her in the first place had she not be honest with me about what she wanted)

0 Replies

@Arella Mae,

Sigh, you're right. It was 'date' people at work. I think we're getting off on the wrong foot here, and perhaps it may be because pointing out obvious tidbits of knowledge after the fact is fairly annoying to me. Besides, the relationship I did have at work that ended has never been an issue, so I would dating people at the office is fine, so long as you set up the exit strategy up front.

Regardless, I appreciate your time and I thank you for making an effort on this post.

2 Replies

Is this woman crazy?

Yes, of course . . . all the wimmins are crazy. Don't you know that by now?

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@chrisbeeson,

Just ignore her, chris... she just missed the point. And ignore Set, too!

Do I think she's crazy? Yeah, I do. I already don't like her. Gossip, drama, telling you off, can't make up her mind... I think you should find someone else. Seriously. She's too much work, in my opinion. I think you're in for a lot more heartache if you stick with her.

2 Replies

@Mame,

Sure, i was jokin' around . . . but Arella Mae hit the nail on the head. It's nutty to date people you work with.

1 Reply

@Setanta,

It may be nutty but that wasn't what he was asking. And you like crazy wimmins, I know, bubba. You live with a bellydancer fer chrissakes.

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I refuse to answer on the grounds that it may tend to incinerate me . . .

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@chrisbeeson,

Obvious tidbit of knowledge? I don't go around assuming things about people. Set up an exit strategy? You mean like if this doesn't work out this is what we'll do? Seriously? Relationships with other people are not something you plan out on paper. A lot of companies forbid dating others in the office due to the problems it can cause because of emotional issues.

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@Mame,

Thanks for the advice. This seem like the best thing to do, but it just sucks she was basically my best friend too.

1 Reply

@chrisbeeson,

What were you doing making a very confused girl your best friend?

0 Replies

@chrisbeeson,

So let me get this straight :

- you knew the younger wanted to play games...but you liked her
- she tells you she doesn't want anything serious / doesn't want a boyfriend
-everyone tells you that she likes to play games

- you want a stable relationship
- so you choose the aggressive one (what the???...didn't you say 'stable')...what does that tell you about your judgement of the dramatic one?

...no mention in there about your feelings for the aggressive one

- so you date the aggressive one and keep it quiet. Kelly finds out and creates drama. You 'send her away' because you don't want drama.

- After several months, the aggressive one cheats on you, and the dramatic one that hates the aggressive one comforts you...

- the dramatic one becomes your best friend (you don't go two days without seeing her), and you're interested and you tell her so, despite the fact you don't want drama, despite the fact that others say she causes drama, despite the fact that she has told you that she doesn't want a boyfriend.

At the end of all that you somehow find out she likes you, but won't talk to you.

2 Replies

Is this woman crazy?

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