THE DOG ATE MY HOMEWORK . . .

Go buy some fine lox, show up to class, let the kudos commence.

Cycloptichorn

Yeah, but we have to show our work . . .

Will the doggie poop smell fishy?

I'll send it over to your house, and you can let me know.

Nemmee, I have a very poor sense of smell. Actually don't know if one could detect fish odor.

Is this all true, the gravlax, the class, and the police woman? Great story either way.

Well, a constable did come to the door, and she was asking if i had heard anything in the night . . . i told her the dogs did nothing in the nighttime . . .

Does the dog poo smell fishy.......classic!

Set, do you have any old cherry red colured boots that you could cut into stripa and rub with herbage?

Once, I was accused on Xmas day morn, of being....and I shall quote the exact words, a "greedy bastard", because the Turkey, cooling on the work suface in the kitchen, had a leg missing, the cleaving so precise that a surgeon would have been proud to claim credit.

You can probably guess where the bones were discovered (large soft fluffy pooch bed in the corner of the room) several hours later, after the whole family had been told about my piggy behaviour.

The boy dog is an accomplished theif. I was grilling sausages on an hibachi on the front porch once, and went to the door to call out to the Girl, who asked me "What?" So i stepped into the house to ask my question, and getting my answer, stepped back onto the porch. There were sausages missing from the grill. The boy dog was looking at me with difiance written all over his face. He could not have possibly eaten that many sausages in that space of time, so he was clever enough to take them and hide them for later. Damned dog.

The same turkey eating, blame shifting, devious devil dog of mine had an addiction to anything that faintly smelled of chocolate.
Same work surface, same food cooling process, but this time a massive three layer chocolate cake, resting on a tea towel.
One short sit in the garden and a cup of coffee later, I walked back in and thought "that's funny....someone's cut that cake in half, removed it and left the other half right on the edge of the work surface" ....and then it dawned on me.

They say chocolate is bad for dogs. There were no ill effects, unless you call sleeping for ten straight hours an illness.

Yeah. My business partner's doberman ate a nice warm fudge cake, to no ill effect. Thank goodness. He also chewed a wallet and a purse left stupidly by me (money in my jeans pocket) on the shelf by my desk when she and I left the studio, locking the door, for coffee, dogs staying inside. That was nearly a case of doggie homicide, but laughing took over. I still have the purse - the lining is all cattywampus.

Damn. I want to be your dog.

I just looked up a gravlax recipe and my mouth is watering.

The fresh, wild caught salmon just started showing up in the stores this week. Should I try to make this?

Many years ago the Jehovah Witness' came knocking on my door and started in with their blahblahblah. Clearly within their sight lines my dog climbed on top of the table and proceeded to eat my delicious roast beef sandwich. They never batted an eye.

I suppose they must have thought I was the kind of girl who served my dog's meals formally.

When Legend And Reality Meet

You're making me suspicious

Some people just have no "pack" control over their pets. Watch the "Dog Whisperer" . I am alpha plus dog who will send you out to the kennel for a weeks solitary is you touch one morsel of anything on a table, counter, wastecan, or stove top. You may only eat things

1off the floor or
2items placed in your dish by the food gods.

Unconditional fealty, no excuses, zero tolerance.

Cmon dog-up. You are being walked upon by a creature that you could snap like a SLim Jim yet he has you buffaloed.

PS, you always add fresh ground pepper onto the side of salmon with the dill . Then we wrap it in the parchemnt and frigerate the thing for two days. After which, cut the gravlox into strips 1/2 in wide and 4 in long. These are some of the best Walleye baits you could ever make.

You don't know this dog, clearly. Guilt is no part of his make-up. In all other respects, he does treat me as the alpha animal, showing all proper signs of canine protocol. He will dance himself into a knot to avoid preceding me to the back door, even if he has to pee like a racehorse. He is never happier than when he follows all the rules for his behavior when we are out for a walk. (Of course, never happier unless he has a big juicy sausage he has just stolen.) He's getting old now, so sometimes he has to be reminded to sit at the street corners, but he's a hundred years old in "dog years." He is the most well-behaved, deferential dog i've ever known.

When it comes to food within his reach--he knows no gods.

He only treats you like an alpha dog when it suits him. Yeh, hes probably too old to have any major resetting of his drive train, but how does he get up on the table tops and counters to get these foods. Are you some secreat enabler who leaves chairs and stools around table edges so he is given a ladder?
He doesnt look too big so Id imagine he needs some assistance to scale the table, and that is where youve come in.

My catahoula , when young, used to "dumpster dive" Catahoulas are very agile dogs who can climb to some degree and he would have his entire front body deep in our kitchen waste bin. I would ofetn catch him with only his back feet sticking up in the air and he would be enjoying any tidbits from cat food cans or chicken skin or meat scraps. All this was sentto a huge 2 yard dumpster in the barnyard. It took several weeks of working on this habit until he got the point that this behavior was unacceptable.

FAce it, your dog is in charge and has even got you believing that you are "the man". Sad really, to be owned and handled by a beast whose place on the evolutionary scale is definately not as the "top predator". But, yours just doesnt "believe" that Darwin was on to something.

Jump to conclusions much? He doesn't get up on table tops or counters, that's verbotten, and he knows it, and respects it. If, however, one is careless about where one leaves the food, he is an accomplished and unrepentant thief. No, he's not in charge. But if it makes your morning to imagine how excellent you are with dogs, and how much of a failure i am with dogs, help yourself.