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Wed 25 May, 2011 05:52 am
well you see, i am absolutly in love with my boyfriend, we have been together for a few months now, and i know it might seem soon, but i feel he is the one for me. i am 17, and my mother does not like him, she doesnt even know we are still talking. and i feel bad about it, but at the same time i don't. she doesnt understand or TRY to understand me. cliche' i know, but i mean this. I understand she wants to pertect me, and she only wants the best for me, but sometimes it seems like she does not want me to be happy. ever since she started college she has changed completely, she is a stuck up know it all who doesnt care who she hurts. she has always been really smart, but the diplomas have given her such an attitude! She does not approve of any of my friends, it does not matter who they are, she does not approve any of my boyfriends, (which ive only had 3) and she nags at me about work. I have had my license for about a year, and have driven twice! she yells at me constantly about not driving, and she will not LET me drive, i have never had sex, i do not drink or do drugs, i do not smoke, i have not DONE anything! I have a job, she does not like taking me to, I have skipped my 12th grade year so i could start college and start life off well. i have only spent the night at one friends house 3 times! and i am 17!!!!!
i love her with all my heart and she is nice, but only when its just me and her,i know she is lonly sometimes, but what can i do? she drives everyone away....and i have ALWAYS been there for her, when my dad left, when my sister and great grandmother passed away , when she desided to go to college, when she found out she was pregnant, when she needed someone to watch all 4 of my siblings. but this time i need MY time, i need to make MY desions,
my boyfriend and myself... it is so real, and everything feels right! we have argued, and made up, we have had some hard times on both our parts, and we have been there for each other! i could honestly see us together, and he says he could too. what do i do?? i am carring a very heavy load and need help. thank you so much for your time.
@Lacygrl,
One week ago here on A2K, you said you have never met him in person.
http://able2know.org/topic/83317-5#post-4609536
Let's keep it reall Lacygrl. You have a crush. Your mom knows you better than anyone here could. She may be strict with you but she is trying to keep you from making a mistake. You said on that same thread that she's your best friend. Listen to her advice. Talk this all out with her.
@Lacygrl,
You say you're working, yes?
Then buy your own car (get a safe used one - this is not for style; this is to get you to and from work). This will eliminate one of the arguments that the two of you are having, and it will show a modicum of independence on your part.
Your mother is going through a transition in her life, and so are you. Is this guy the one? Who knows? But you are susceptible to his charms because you're frustrated at home. I have seen parents do this before, where they so completely disapprove of a child's boyfriend/girlfriend where they create a situation where the child rebels/doesn't want anyone to see he/she is making a poor decision, and sticks with a poor decision even when they realize how poor a decision it really is.
I am not saying that this guy is bad for you -- I don't know all the facts, not by a long shot. But heavy duty parental disapproval of things done at your age has the tendency to result in a lotta reverse psychology. She hates him, so you love him all the more. She says he's dumb, you do your best to prove he's smart. She says he's got no future, you show what a great job he has, or what a great education he's getting or whatever.
And on your part, you want to show how mature and responsible and smart you are. You dig your heels in. So does she. And around and around we go.
If this guy is the one, then he will be the one tomorrow and next week and next year. Pushing and forcing this on your mother will work about as well as your mother pushing and forcing things on you is working.
My advice: look for ways to minimize conflicts at home. Find ways to get yourself more independent (e. g. a car). And cool it with this guy. If he's the one, like I said, he'll be the one in '12 and beyond. In the meantime, you've gotta live with your mother until you can save enough to afford your own place. Me, I'd try to make that time as enjoyable and low stress as possible, all while saving my own money. Then I'd get outta Dodge -- with or without the boyfriend.
@Ragman,
i said we have been together for a few months, that was not a lie, and yes my mother is my best friend, i love her dearly! i just feel like nothing i do can ever please her, no matter what i say or do she just does not listen, she still veiws me as the little girl getting on the bus for the first time. I know that me getting older scares her, i know that she thinks im going to just leave, but the way shes going about it will not make me stay. if i ever told her that she would kill me. she will not look at me and listen to me, she tries to use her psychoanalysis on me. when we do talk she knows everything, it does not matter if she is right or wrong, she just "KNOWS" everything!... i am just so tired of all of this! i do not want to "win" i am not aming to hurt anyone, i just feel like i need space, and i need to know that she is ok. It doesnt matter what she does she knows i will always be here for her, i will always be her little girl, i just need space... i have never proved to be that bad of a person i dont believe, so i just want to be able to make my desions. I am thankful that she isnt a parent who just lets me do what ever, and im thankful she has been a real PARENT because i know that there are some out there who wouldnt care if their children had a better life or not. i love her so much.
@jespah,
thanks Jespah,
i do have a car, i just am not allowed to drive... i have insurance also, just not allowed to.
i have also thought a lot about if i were rebeling, i think a small part of it is. but most of it is because i do love him, i am aware of the difference in love and lust. not only am i physically attracted to him, i am emotionally, and spiritually as well. like i said before, he has been through a lot and so have i, we were there for one another and we have argued... but we got through it. in our relationship it isnt always the good things: the butterflies i get when we talk. the way i can't think of anything or anyone else. or that we leave little msgs throughout the day to one another just saying we miss and love the other. but its also the fact that he has proven to be there when im not my best, and i have done the same for him.
i understand that the reverse psychology.. it does happen, i see it. and i try to hold my tounge. i try to get through by just doing what ever she says... but the closer i get to turning 18, the more and more i feel trapped, and cooped up... i think this is the dumbest thing i have ever felt, and i stand back and try to listen to myself and how immture and dumb i sound. i try to do the most reasonable and thought out thing as possible, but right now, i feel like i am blind folded and stuck in a hole...
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