dating and love

Forums: Relationships, Dating, Kids
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Hi,
I'm 16 and the guy I like is 17. He and I have been friends for about 5 years. We don't really talk that much though because our parents used to be friends and we would always go over each other's houses, but now they don't talk any more and we're shy to talk to each other in school. I really care about him so I gave him a note saying that I wanted us to be more than friends. He didn't respond to me for a month. Then one day, my friend talked to him about me. The next day she told me about their conversation and he saw me talking to her. Then later that day he approached me and told me that he just didn't want to risk our friendship and that he didn't want the same things I did. But I'm not sure. He acted like he might have felt something for me and that he maybe was just confused about what he was willing to risk. We didn't get to talk much since we had to go to class and since the day he talked to me, I've been too shy to talk to him about it more. I thought that he just wanted to let it go so I don't think I would talk to him more about it. Even though I'm dying to talk to him! What do I do? Is there any chance that he might change his mind? If I told him that we could always be friends, even if things didn't work out between us, would that possibly change anything?!?

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 0 • Views: 1,178 • Replies: 14

[+3] - rosborne979 - 05/15/2011You're young, so you won't like what I have to tell you. But when you're older you'll look back at your life and wish you had done exactly this... Don't pursue people who aren't interested,...

@ddominique,

You're young, so you won't like what I have to tell you. But when you're older you'll look back at your life and wish you had done exactly this...

Don't pursue people who aren't interested, especially if they say they aren't interested. Instead, find a way to like the people who are interested. Then your love life will be much happier.

1 Reply

Ok - don't scare him off by wanting too much. You may be moving too fast - for him and yourself.

Develop the friendship. Do things with a gang of kids and include him.

Get to know him better.

1 Reply

@rosborne979,

I understand what your saying. I guess I just firmly believe that everyone is gonna hut you in some way or form and that you just gotta find which ones are the ones worth suffering for. I just care for him too much and don't want to lose my feelings for him because I do still think there is something between us and he is one of the best people in the world. He told my friend that the only reason why he took a month to think about it was because he was so torn about his desision. I think he might like me, he probably just doesn't want to put anything in jeoperdy.
Can I ask you a question just out of curiosity? I'm sorry if its personal but I was just wondering, have you found your advice to make you happier?

1 Reply

@PUNKEY,

Yeah, I probably should develop the friendship back up. This year I invited him to my sweet sixteen and he came. His mom and my mom also talked and my mom told me that they both wanted to be friends again and that our families were gonna start talking again. So I'm gonna be able to hang out with him more. So, I think I'll be able to settle for just his friendship cause I already have a lot just by having him as a friend and it makes me much happier than us not talking.

0 Replies

Then don't talk about "dating and love"
Just let it be "friendship and hanging out.'

0 Replies

@ddominique,

ddominique wrote:

I understand what your saying. I guess I just firmly believe that everyone is gonna hut you in some way or form and that you just gotta find which ones are the ones worth suffering for. I just care for him too much and don't want to lose my feelings for him because I do still think there is something between us and he is one of the best people in the world. He told my friend that the only reason why he took a month to think about it was because he was so torn about his desision. I think he might like me, he probably just doesn't want to put anything in jeoperdy.

Most people rationalize what their head tells them to make it fit what their heart wants. It's normal. But it should be avoided.

ddominique wrote:

Can I ask you a question just out of curiosity? I'm sorry if its personal but I was just wondering, have you found your advice to make you happier?

It definitely works. It's just hard to do.

1 Reply

@rosborne979,

I mean, I've tried to go after other guys. But the thing is that I can't get him out of my head. I want my love to last for him mostly because he isn't a jerk like some of the other guys that like me and I know that if he were to go out with me that he would like me for who I am and not looks. He's just the most genuine and honest person ever!

I agree with you on some bases. It's just that I think my heart is more important to me than my brain and that one should always follow their heart. Cause if you always think in your brain and not your heart, you may marry a person but realize that it is a loveless marriage and lead yourself to divorce.

I guess I'd rather be poor, but rich with love and happiness than rich, but poor with sadness and being loveless.

2 Replies

@ddominique,

You just haven't met the other "right" person yet. I'm not suggesting you settle for someone you don't love, I'm just suggesting that you focus your attentions on those who are already attracted to you in a romantic way and then hope one of them strikes your fancy as well.

1 Reply

@ddominique,

ddominique wrote:

...I think my heart is more important to me than my brain and that one should always follow their heart. Cause if you always think in your brain and not your heart, you may marry a person but realize that it is a loveless marriage and lead yourself to divorce....

This is where I have to disagree. Decisions should always be made by one's head, not one's heart. Feelings change very easily, and following one's feelings is not always in one's best interest. People get themselves into a lot of trouble by putting their feelings first.

I don't buy the above scenario. To marry without love would not be a "smart" decision. Of course, to marry with ONLY love is not a good decision, either.

1 Reply

@Eva,

Quote:

Of course, to marry with ONLY love is not a good decision, either

I don't understand. Why is love not a good reason to get married?

1 Reply

@rosborne979,

Thanks for your positive advice!

0 Replies

@ddominique,

Go back and re-read what you first posted.

He was a family friend and you want more. He has told you that he wants to be friends, but you "think" he wants more. Yet, he does not make any moves towards you.

Are you sure you are seeing this clearly?

You must develop this friendship first. All this talk about "love" is probably making him flee.

Hold your horses, girl. Both of you need to get owver your shyness for each other first. You are going to scare him away if you don't chill out.

0 Replies

@ddominique,

ddominique wrote:

Quote:
Of course, to marry with ONLY love is not a good decision, either

I don't understand. Why is love not a good reason to get married?

I didn't say that. I said that marrying ONLY because you're "in love" is not a good decision. Love is a good starting point, but there are other important factors to consider as well when you're talking about choosing a life partner.

Here are just a few. Does s/he want the same kind of life you do? Does s/he have the same priorities when it comes to money? Do you both agree about having or not having children? Are there major religious differences that could cause problems later? What are each of your expectations when it comes to the role of your spouse? Are there any substance abuse problems or ongoing emotional/mental problems? Dysfunctional, interfering in-laws?...etc., etc., etc....

There are many important questions that have to be answered before you can know if someone you love would make a good husband or wife. It's not wise to assume that just because you have intense feelings for someone that they will turn out to be what you want them to be.

1 Reply

@Eva,

whoops...I read you wrong. I get what your saying.

0 Replies

dating and love

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know