My child swears!

Forums: Parenting, Childcare, Curse, Profanity, Ugly Words
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Every child experiment withs curses and ugly words. Profanity is often heard on the streets, on television, in our environment. It is a part of language and folklore of every nation, and has its rightful place but the children do not know when it is appropriate to curse and therefore we must try to make children understand that curses are not nice words.

Be ready to have the biggest problem with your surroundings (family, friends ...), who will find it funny and interesting when the children say bad words, and maybe they will encourage or even teach them new bad words. On the other hand, it is very interesting for children to be in the focus of attention while swearing.
Does your child swear!

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@znljubica,

She doesn't, and hates it when others do. (She's 10.) Her dad and I think that's kind of funny because we swear (though we try not to in front of her since she dislikes it so much) and we don't particularly care if she swears at home (though we've taught her that swearing CAN really bother people and to be careful about that).

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@znljubica,

My children swear sometimes - I've taught them that it sounds ugly so there are times when it's not acceptable. My pet hate is people using euphemisms like 'the F word' or 'the F bomb' so I've always taught them that if you mean '****' just say it because everyone knows what you mean anyway....just not in front of Grandma.

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There are other words besides swear words that we tell our children to not use – hurtful words.

Once when my daughter was a toddler, she said the word stupid (one of those hurtful words we encourage our children not to use) while we were all in the car. My husband whispers to me (after telling her that is not a nice word to use), she got that from your father he always says it. Not 5 minutes later, a car cuts my husband off and he immediately calls the driver stupid.

Moral – be very careful – often times you do not even realize what you are doing or saying in front of your children and believe me, they pick up everything you do and say.

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It won't surprise some here that I began to swear at a very early age. This happened not because my parents were particularly foul-mouthed, but because the taboo ascribed to swear words made them irresistible. Worse, my mother taught me to read early and so I was very interested in the very idea of words in general. Which explains why she would overhear the robotic voice on my Fischer Price Speak N' Spell saying, "S-H-I-T. That is incorrect. Spell 'Dog.'"

Swear words had the power of "abracadabra." Things happened when you used them. The very morning I learned "****," I wrote it on my hand. I could feel the word burning on my skin. And oh my, when my mother washed my face and hands after dinner that night? Trouble. But I couldn't stop myself. I wrote "****" in pencil in secret places on the basement walls. I wrote it on the chalkboard of my first grade classroom.

I cataloged every swear I knew in crayon on a classmate's chair one day. The teacher's pet went from student to student, demanding to know if he/she was the culprit. No one would confess. Though when Mrs. Dean, our substitute teacher and close friend of my mother's, asked after the final bell if anyone would kindly volunteer to wash the swears off the chair, I guiltily volunteered. She wasn't at all suspicious of me--I couldn't believe her gullibility and my luck. And then at my high school graduation party she recounted this very story to my mother for the first time, emphasizing how eager I was to rid the chair of those filthy words.

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I find the whole curse word phenomena to be interesting, at least.
We have many words to describe particular acts and byproducts, yet certain terms are acceptable, while others are not.
We could, for example, say on a news cast, the President stepped in dog excrement today, but we're not allowed to say the President stepped in dog **** today. Why is one particular term of reference to the same item considered unacceptable?

I find myself to be offended when persons use the f-bomb as some sort of loose adjective on every noun in a sentence. I am offended by the ignorance of the use, not so much the word. No one, who cares about thier intelligence ,would use the same adjective 10 times in a 25 word sentence.

In general, though, I say call a spade a spade, I think we all understand that if former president Clinton had said " I did not **** that woman" there would have been no argument as to the truth of his statement.

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I am not in Gargamel's league, but I do swear - mostly in German, hoping that the kid doesn't get it, and wouldn't you know: that's the first she picked up in German - swear words! The salty ones too!

I don't mind swear words, as long as they aren't used with every sentence.
I do dislike the f-word with a passion, I think it's utterly vulgar, but over extensively used in movies, unfortunately, so the kids think it's hip.

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Standing in the line at the grocery store today, woman with a young child in line in front of me. The little boy wanted a soda from the little cooler at the check-out, mom said no, little boy threw a fit, as children will, said he hated her, then I hate you you ******, mom ignored it, repeat, repeat, the entire time in line, I'd a slapped the lips off the urchin.

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I once knew a mom who got on her kid for little things by grabbing his shoulders and getting in his face to viciously tell him, "I'll break your prick." I always wondered how all that worked out, but not enough to hang around her anymore.

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@wayne,

I definitely would have taken his ear and twisted it around...
Kids love to make scenes in public - mine was an expert in that too, but she never would have used a swear word towards me - nor does she now. She knows better than that!

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I think people get way to uptight. In fact, I think it is bad parenting. What are we teaching are kids when we restrict their vocabularies and forbid them from expressing perfectly human feelings or emotions?

My daughter came to me a little while ago to tell me that her brother had said the "s word".

The "s word?" I said, "you mean spaghetti?"

"No" she said, "the S WORD."

I kept playing, "Ohhhhhhhhhh!" I said, "you mean suitcase."

"NO DADDY, THE REAL 'S WORD'!" she said emphatically. I could see she wasn't playing along with the game, and not wanting to exasperate her, I said,

"So you mean '****'? That's just another word for poopoo."

To my surprise, "****" wasn't right either. It turns out the "s word" is a euphemism for "stupid". It turns out that the word "stupid" is banned from her class.

This is stupid. My daughter and her classmate know these words (and others) full well. It is "stupid" to ban them. And, the word "stupid" perfectly expresses a perfectly valid human emotion. Banning the word doesn't change their opinions. In fact, taking away the ability for them to express their feelings isn't healthy emotionally.

I am very strongly against banning words no matter what the age of the child. If they know how to use a word correctly to express an opinion no matter how untoward, then they are old enough to use it.

Of course there is an issue if they are saying things to hurt feelings. But this isn't an issue with words, it is an issue with intention. If I say that a TV show is stupid, it doesn't hurt the TV's feelings. If I say that my son is a pig and hurt his feelings, I am doing wrong even though "pig" doesn't seem to be on anyones banned list.

I would deal with the temper tantrum as a temper tantrum. Making it about words is (please forgive me) stupid since it hands the kid the power to push a button which is probably why some kids do this.

I expect my kids to not be mean. But I also want them to be able to use the full scale of their vocabulary to express their full range of emotions. I don't think I would ever ban a word that has a valid meaning. There are a few words that have no meaning that isn't hateful (i.e. "nigger" or "faggot). Even with these I would respond to the intention rather than the word itself.

I am trying to decide whether it is worth complaining to the teacher about this silly censorship. Probably not, and I did make it clear to my daughter that the teacher makes the rules in the classroom. But it bothers me a little that she brought this stupid rule into my house.

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@maxdancona,

There is still a difference between kids using swear words in general
or using them on you. If your child would say to you "f*** you!" would
you still find it acceptable? I certainly would not!

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@CalamityJane,

Of course I would not find it acceptable. But the problem is the intent, not the word itself.

If my kids trip stub their toe really hard and say "****" (directed at the thing in their path, rather than me as a person), I wouldn't have a problem with it. And if they say, " oh those rabbits over there are '*******'", I would say "oh look at that, they are".

Attacking another person is a problem. Using a word to express an emotion or an idea isn't.

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One of my family's favorite songs.

http://ukuleledisco.com/chatwithmother

Quote:

There's the militant survivalists
With Gucci bandileros
Taking tacky khaki walkie talkies
To the rendezvous
Trading all the latest armor
Piercing ammo information
It's from them I would expect to hear
The F-word, not from you

We sit down to have a chat
It's F-word this and F-word that
I can't control how you young people
Talk to one another
But I don't wanna hear you use
That F-word with your mother

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I have always told my daughter, from a very early age that she can say what ever she wants too. This includes swear words.

She .... on only a hand full of occasions ... has actually integrated cuss words into her conversations. Saying things like " that was funny as hell" ... while laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. or she would drop something and said '****' ... Crying angry about something saying 'damnit'

And none of it matters.
I can, quite literally, count on two hands where SHE has cussed on her OWN about something, using the word in perfect context with her conversation.

Swear words are only as powerful as you make them for your kids.

There has been ONE time she just repeated a word over and over and over and over. I believe.. it was ****? But my memory may be off. For about 2 days everything was '**** this, **** that, **** **** **** ****'. Sometimes it was funny. Others it bugged the hell out of me. And , either way, I always told her. She could not have been more than 2 , maybe 2 1/2 . Totally age appropriate behavior, but annoying as hell.

Since she can freely say what she wants how she wants to, she rarely cusses. I DO mean rarely. Those words are just NOT important to her. I never gave them any power, never treated them any differently and never jumped through a roof to make her not use them. They are, after all, just words.

You know that one of the original meanings of the word **** was to plant seeds in your ground?

From Wiki -

Quote:

Yet another possible etymology is from the Old High German word pfluog, meaning "to plow, as in a field".

Really... they are just words. It is all about your CONTEXT and your INTENTION.
I took the time to teach Jillian that intention was MORE important then 'most' of your words. ( no. this does not include all situations or all words. Just generally speaking here..)

I can call you a star head, and use other words that might not make any sense at all, and yet with those words hurt you tremendously because that is my very intent. I can also call you a star head and mean it with endearment and love and leave you feeling wonderful...again.. because it is my intent. And when you speak from your truth, whether it is anger, love, hate...etc.. your words may not always be the perfect choice in every situation, but your words will always reflect how you feel so long as you stay honest.

Each culture has a different set of 'swear' words and this country is so smothered in PC rules that everything can be taken as an offense to someone else.. so just stay honest. **** what words you use Smile

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@wayne,

wayne wrote:

Standing in the line at the grocery store today, woman with a young child in line in front of me. The little boy wanted a soda from the little cooler at the check-out, mom said no, little boy threw a fit, as children will, said he hated her, then I hate you you ******, mom ignored it, repeat, repeat, the entire time in line, I'd a slapped the lips off the urchin.

Question.

Why wouldn't it be ok to say directly to the child, and/or adult "your (childs) language is offending me."?

The kid and the mother are not standing in a vacuum.

Why isn't it ok to tell the kid that he's bothering you?

I was in a Walgreen the other week, and there were these parents with 2 kids. One was a pre-teen, the other maybe 3.
They were doing that thing I hate. The 2 kids had taken bouncey ball out of the bin, and where following the parents ALL around the store WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM non stop. I looked over to the parents when they were in the same aisle as me, and they were oblivious.
Some may say "What's the big deal?"
The big deal was not only were they making loud noises that the whole store could hear, but they were doing it with items they did not own. Doesn't matter if they're going to buy it, they don't own it yet.
The little kid dropped the ball, and it bounced over to me. I picked it up and continued to look at the rack of products. He came over to me with that "I'm so cute, give me my ball back." look on his face.
I looked at him and said "Are you going to buy this?" The kid looked at me unbelievingly, like he couldn't believe everyone in the world thought he was precious. He walked away, and didn't say a word to the parents.

When I said this to the kid, there was a man walking right behind me, and he gave this sudden guffaw. Apparantly he thought it was funny as hell.

P.S. When the parents check out, they weren't buying any balls, so they were using property that didn't belong to them.

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@maxdancona,

We are both on the same page with this.

Non curse words can hurt just as much, if not more than curse words if directed at someone.

It's the intent, not the word.

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@chai2,

Geez Chai, what an awful thing to do. I would have told you off, after getting the kid another ball to play with of course.

The kid wasn't yours, the ball wasn't yours. I suppose the store would have the right to take the ball (although I imagine it was perfectly OK with the store for the kids to play with the toy). It wasn't your business at all unless you think that the world has some obligation not to annoy you.

You don't have the right to stop other people from enjoying life.

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@maxdancona,

maxdancona wrote:

Geez Chai, what an awful thing to do. I would have told you off, after getting the kid another ball to play with of course.

And I would have "told you" right back. If you then got another ball, I'd get the manager involved. A store is not a playground, your child would have been playing with an item you had no intention of buying. A store is a place of business, and I have as much right as anyone else to not be annoyed. You might say "You don't know I wasn't going to buy that ball." Well, do you put on shirt and walk around the store with it on, until you get to the register? It's pretty much common sense you don't use an item until you pay for it. In the same vein, I've been in stores where adults pick up a nail polish bottle, open it up, put some on their nail, close it and put it back. Do I say something? You bet your ass I do.

The kid wasn't yours, the ball wasn't yours. I suppose the store would have the right to take the ball (although I imagine it was perfectly OK with the store for the kids to play with the toy).

I doubt the store was "ok" with it. Using the premise the kids wasn't mine, I guess it would be ok if I saw the kid open up a bottle of drano and start to take a drink, without trying to stop him.

It wasn't your business at all unless you think that the world has some obligation not to annoy you.

It's my business to make sure my best interests are being taken care of. If the parents came over to "tell me off" I'd say, "let's ask the store manager if he's ok with your child playing with and dirtying inventory that is meant for people to purchase and leave the store with. From what I can see, store owners tend to like and take care of customers better who do not try to use their inventory before they buy it, don't make a lot of noise, and don't go over to tell other customers off.

You don't have the right to stop other people from enjoying life.

And they don't have the right to stop me from enjoying mine.

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@chai2,

I can't really say I was offended, I think it was pity I felt. Not the good kind of pity either. Just one more kid going through life without a clue.
It seems that too many parents fail to teach their children character building.
Maybe it's always been that way, I sure seem to notice it more though.

I am grateful my daughter learned character building, I'm certain her life will be better for it.
One nite I went out for pizza with she and a few of her friends, in the course of the conversation I commented on how well mannered they all were. They all laughed and told me that was because I was there, normally they all cussed like sailors.
I felt honored by that display of character.

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My child swears!

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