itz... ze germanz...

The European Union commissioners have announced
that agreement has been reached to adopt English
as the preferred language for European
communications, rather than German, which was the
other possibility. As part of the negotiations,
the British government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has
accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be
known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the
first year, "s" will be used instead of the
soft "c". Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve
this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be
replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up
konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less
letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm
in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph"
will be replaced by "f". This will make words
like "fotograf" 20 per sent shorter. In the third
year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan
be expekted to reach the stage where more
komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters,
which have always ben a deterent to akurate
speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes
of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and
they would go. By the fourth year, peopl wil be
reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z"
and "w" by " v". During ze fifz year, ze
unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Und
efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
like zey vunted in ze forst place....