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The lies we tell children. (and the lies we were told as children.)

 
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Apr, 2011 08:44 pm
@dyslexia,
Well, now I know where your lively imagination comes from, Dys. You must have inherited it from your grandmother. Wink
0 Replies
 
Eva
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Apr, 2011 08:51 pm
Okay, here's another hilarious one.

One of my friends was told by her mother when she was 14 that guys who French-kissed were gay.

(Ha! I suppose she thought it would keep her daughter out of trouble.)

Funny thing is, when the daughter was 21 she married a guy she had dated for 5 years. As it happened, he didn't French-kiss. It was only after they divorced when she was 30 that she finally figured out it was a lie.
0 Replies
 
dyslexia
 
  3  
Reply Sun 17 Apr, 2011 10:20 pm
@ossobuco,
Quote:
Did you (as a small child) believe any of this stuff she told you?
actually no one believe grandma's stories any more than "trolls" live under the bridge. 99% of grandma's friends were Italian/Catholic/Mexican and my grandfather was a socialist/atheist/amerind.
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Sun 17 Apr, 2011 10:48 pm
@dyslexia,
Quote:
actually no one believe grandma's stories any more than "trolls" live under the bridge.

Just as well, dys.
You coulda got yourselves into a whole lot of trouble down the line if you did! Wink
Quote:
my grandfather was a socialist/atheist/amerind.

Were his stories more credible than his wife's?

I'd guess there was never a dull moment when you visited them. Smile

0 Replies
 
JGoldman10
 
  1  
Reply Mon 18 Apr, 2011 11:41 pm
Kids DO NOT come from a cabbage patch.
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 03:53 am
@JGoldman10,
You're absolutely correct, JGoldman10.
That's not where kids come from at all.
Kids arrive on the scene, intentionally or unintentionally, because people continue to indulge in sex!
saab
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 06:46 am
@msolga,
A little girl asked her mother where the babies come from and the mother told her in a way which was appropriate for the girl´s age.
A little later she heard her daughter telling the dolls that babies grow in flowers and taking care of by fairies living in the most beautiful forrest.
The mother reacted and said to the little girl "I just explained to you where the babies come from. Why do you tell the dolls they grow in flowers?"
Answer "My story is so much more beautiful"
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 02:37 pm
You are the prettiest girl/most handsome boy in the world - You are to your mom and dad.

The existence of Santa, the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy - What's wrong with a little magic in childhood?

Do this or you’re not going to get “your birthday/Christmas/family vacation - Sometimes this is true.

Mommy and daddy are taking a “nap” - Well, what are you suppose to say?

Eating your vegetables will make you grow up big and strong - They will. Just not alone.

If you play with your privates too much, they’ll drop off - I'd never say that. This is not healthy.

If you keep making that awful face, your face will stay that way for always. - Never said that either. And wouldn't.

The police arrest children who swear - Ditto above.

You're going to do great things some day. - This isn't a lie, it's a hope.

That sleepaway camp was for my benefit, not theirs. - Could have been.

That good people eventually succeed, and that bad people will ultimately be held accountable. - A lot of people really believe this.

"We love you very much" - How is this a lie?

If you drink a lot of milk, you'll grow to be really tall. - How is this harmful?

"If you pick your nose, your head will cave in." - Just dumb.

If you sneeze, fart, cough and blink at the same time, you will explode. It happens all the time. So don't be surprised to if walk in a room to find someone's spontaneously exploded. - This is just a joke, not a real lie. Anyone who tells this to their kid and doesn't follow it up with, I'm just joking is an ass.

"Free country” - Ok, this one I get but you won't get it as a kid so what's the harm?

'Father Christmas only comes to good little children' - This is just mean.
JTT
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 02:41 pm
@Bella Dea,
Quote:
If you play with your privates too much, they’ll drop off


Maybe there's some truth to this. We use rubber bands on bull calves and sure enough, they drop off.
0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 02:41 pm
* Can you recall any lies (or not exactly truths) that your parents told you that you think were completely harmless, fun even? Sant, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy. Things that kept my childhood fun, magical and innocent.

* Are there any lies you were told as a child which you believe were harmful, or confusing, or hurtful to you? Why do you think they told you these untruths? No. My parents "lies" were ones that enhanced my childhood, not hurt it.

* Are there any lies which you were told as a child which you now tell your own children, or else the children you have dealings with? What are they? Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy. Telling her she is the most beautiful girl (which she is to me), telling her how great she is when she does something (this will stop when she's able to understand that she might not be good at something, but she's three so everything she does is some sort of accomplishment)

* Do you think that adults should be truthful to children at all times? If not, when are lies acceptable, or even preferable to the strict truth in your opinion? Yes, they should when it counts. Telling kids stories to scare them or make them behave is unnecessary and a little cruel. Why would you needlessly make your child worry? Lies that evoke their imagination or make their childhood better are ok, imo.
0 Replies
 
wandeljw
 
  3  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 06:39 pm
I am making a general observation about American mothers in the 1950's and 1960's. My mother, like most at that time, was a "stay-at home" mom. She would learn the latest urban legend from one of the other mothers and then tell it to us to scare us away from risky behavior. As a child I believed that these stories were 100% true. In college I read a book by a sociologist who explained how such stories were repeated so often that people would believe them. Some of the common urban legends described by the sociologist were the same as the cautionary stories that my mother told me.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 07:00 pm
@wandeljw,
"The Mexican Pet" guy?
wandeljw
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 07:36 pm
@sozobe,
I probably heard a variation of that, sozobe.

Many of the stories were gruesome and hearing them did cause me to inhibit my behavior or make me stay away from certain places.
0 Replies
 
Eorl
 
  2  
Reply Tue 19 Apr, 2011 10:00 pm
@msolga,
What do I tell my child who is clearly way out in front? (the oldskool word was "gifted") Do I tell her she need not work very hard, and can still expect to do well? I understand those driven to success are very often inspired by being told they are doomed to a life of failure.
I think honesty is best with her, or she sees through it. I tell her "smart" is not enough. There are plenty of smart slackers in the world not doing well at all.
But it's hard to motivate a kid who's so far ahead. We tend to go with the positive approach, I just fear the lack of "stick" could eventually let her down.
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 12:02 am
@Eorl,
Eorl wrote:
What do I tell my child who is clearly way out in front?
CONGRATULATIONS!!!




Eorl wrote:
(the oldskool word was "gifted") Do I tell her she need not work very hard, and can still expect to do well?
I understand those driven to success are very often inspired by being told they are doomed to a life of failure.
I think honesty is best with her, or she sees through it.
Honesty is good.





David


Eorl
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 12:07 am
@OmSigDAVID,
Yes, we tell her that. A lot. An awful lot. This is the problem. (or not)
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 12:38 am
@Eorl,
Eorl wrote:
Yes, we tell her that. A lot. An awful lot. This is the problem. (or not)
That shows u r GOOD PARENTS.

Keep up the good work!

EVERY time u give her a compliment,
u condition her subconscious mind (which accepts it uncritically) in a positive way.





David
0 Replies
 
msolga
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 12:43 am
@Eorl,
Eorl, I see you were responding to this post of mine, when you wrote about your daughter:

Quote:
We tell students that that can achieve all sorts of things, that anything is possible, if they work hard enough.
The fact is, this isn't true at all.
Not EVERYONE is going to reach the giddy heights of success.
This is so obvious in the real world.
But parents & teachers keep saying these things.
Why?
To keep those young people on the ball, to encourage them to not give up, out of concern for their self esteem .....
Students who have actually failed the requirements of year 12, where I live & work, have officially passed.
They've been led to believe that things are just fine when they definitely aren't.
Their unrealistic expectations & the reality are in for a big collision.


You said:
Quote:
What do I tell my child who is clearly way out in front? (the oldskool word was "gifted") Do I tell her she need not work very hard, and can still expect to do well? I understand those driven to success are very often inspired by being told they are doomed to a life of failure.

I think honesty is best with her, or she sees through it. I tell her "smart" is not enough. There are plenty of smart slackers in the world not doing well at all.
But it's hard to motivate a kid who's so far ahead. We tend to go with the positive approach, I just fear the lack of "stick" could eventually let her down.

My opinion is just one opinion, of course.
There is no point in not acknowledging the reality, not acknowledging her actual abilities.
But where does that leave her?
If she is streets ahead of other students in her age group/year level, what is her perception of the benefits of her abilities?
Does she see this as a plus or a minus when relating to her own peer group? (You'd be surprised if I told you about the number of students I've come across who have "dumbed down" their real abilities to fit in with their peers. I don't know the age of your daughter, but during adolescence there is strong pressure to fit in, conform, be just like everyone else, at the expense of being considered an "outsider".)
So yes, I agree with your approach to your daughter, but I suspect she might need to be challenged intellectually way beyond the expectations of her formal education.
So she comes to learn to enjoy difficult intellectual challenges, which really stretch & challenge her, perhaps for the first time?
0 Replies
 
roger
 
  2  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 01:10 am
@Eorl,
Eorl wrote:

What do I tell my child who is clearly way out in front? (the oldskool word was "gifted")


I sure hope the newskool word isn't something like nonspecial ed.
0 Replies
 
OmSigDAVID
 
  1  
Reply Wed 20 Apr, 2011 01:19 am
@Eorl,
Age of your child ?

Have u considered her for Mensa ?
http://www.us.mensa.org//AM/Template.cfm?Section=Home
It can be a lot of fun, and informative.
It has many Special Interest Groups.
Any member can begin a new special interest group,
whose fate will be determined by how much interest it generates
among fellow members. (Mensa advertizes it for u.)

We also have many Regional Gatherings, replete with speakers
and many activities and an Annual Gathering.
This year, the Annual Gathering will be in Portland, Oregon.
Next year, it will be in Reno, Nevada.

She can begin some life-long Mensa friendships.





David
0 Replies
 
 

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