"Life Is Short, Have An Affair": What Do You Think?

@firefly,

Quote:

What would make for a "good affair"?

All is well that ends well.

@Olivier5,

Marriage partners who strongly believe in the I am yours and only yours forever vow can be gobsmacked to find out their lifetime partner cheated. Immense pain, which is why I'm for working out the marriage or don't, do the fooling around after you leave - if this template was what you promised. But as I say that, I know people might not get how unhappy they are until they see an open door to life being different. Followed sometimes after going out the door by finding out that you have brought yourself and your own behaviors along with you..

One of my friends married a fellow with the idea that they would stay together as long as they loved each other. This made the rest of the girl clatch push her about that. That's about 45 years ago. They're still a pair.

'Cheated' is a cultural word with a lot of ramifications in different societies and within societies; this includes differing takes on whether it is a man or woman who does this cheating.

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@ossobuco,

Quote:

Marriage partners who strongly believe in the I am yours and only yours forever vow can be gobsmacked to find out their lifetime partner cheated. Immense pain, which is why I'm for working out the marriage or don't, do the fooling around after you leave - if this template was what you promised. But as I say that, I know people might not get how unhappy they are until they see an open door to life being different. Followed sometimes after going out the door by finding out that you have brought yourself and your own behaviors along with you..

Yeah, life is complicated, and I don't judge, least I get judged...

I don't feel much jealousy myself, though once I learnt about my partner's affair, and I remember it was quite painful.

But my wife is very jealous. I have to manage my female friendships very carefully. My wife could argue for days just because I had lunch with a female colleague... That's not nice, but I suppose it helps explain my trust in her. We've been together for 23 years.

So as much as I would personally like to try the "stable marriage with occasional affairs" model, something like what they call now the "polyamorous" approach to life, this is a big no-no for her.

So I haven't had an affair since a long, long time, and see those as quite risky. Thus I imagine that a good affair is one that is short and ends sweetly, without ill-feelings, and unbeknownst to the partner... I'd rather have my wife have a little nice time on the side rather than leave me altogether.

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@Linkat,

Linkat wrote:

Life is short, so go ahead and f***.

I couldn't agree more!

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So I found that article - it was in Slate that I saw it.

http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2014/03/esther_perel_on_affairs_spouses_in_happy_marriages_cheat_and_americans_don.html

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@PUNKEY,

it'd be kind of funny if you were referring to your parents in that sentence.

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Well, life also is too short to live in a constant misery, and not being able to face the person that you once loved the most. Also in the case of having children, having the disgrace to have an affair is just ridiculous and unacceptable.

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Hmmm. Well coming from someone who just got into one I'm not sure how I feel. A lot of sneaking around and stress, but also so much pleasure and love. Not an easy thing to do. I know I'm heading for a D. Already in contact with legal people, this guy just happened to come to me at this time, was not looking and it's all to strange.

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Quote:

Online Cheating Site AshleyMadison Hacked

Large caches of data stolen from online cheating site AshleyMadison.com have been posted online by an individual or group that claims to have completely compromised the company’s user databases, financial records and other proprietary information. The still-unfolding leak could be quite damaging to some 37 million users of the hookup service, whose slogan is “Life is short. Have an affair.”

The data released by the hacker or hackers — which self-identify as The Impact Team — includes sensitive internal data stolen from Avid Life Media (ALM), the Toronto-based firm that owns AshleyMadison as well as related hookup sites Cougar Life and Established Men.

More:
http://krebsonsecurity.com/2015/07/online-cheating-site-ashleymadison-hacked/

The hackers have asked for the website to be taken down, otherwise they'll release the hacked info...

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@firefly,

May find your life very short indeed if caught cheating. Smile

That said, psychologists have suggested extramarital sex if sexual needs aren't getting met in the marriage, but without threatening the marriage. Rather than assuming you'll always be the best lover of someone (and for the rest of your life) let people have casual oreven loving relationships in addition to you. Not letting them just forces them to divorce you or 'cheat.' If you accept reality though it's just a 'more European' way of handling things.

"Extramarital Sex
I also examined the influence of extramarital sex taboos upon crime and violence. The data clearly indicates that punitive-repressive attitudes toward extramarital sex are also linked with physical violence, personal crime, and the practice of slavery. Societies which value monogamy emphasize military glory and worship aggressive gods.
These cross-cultural data support the view of psychologists and sociologists who feel that sexual and psychological needs not being fulfilled within a marriage should be met outside of it, without destroying the primacy of the marriage relationship."
Edit [Moderator]: Link removed

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@HesDeltanCaptain,

Quote:

The data clearly indicates that punitive-repressive attitudes toward extramarital sex are also linked with physical violence, personal crime, and the practice of slavery. Societies which value monogamy emphasize military glory and worship aggressive gods.

Sorry but most males do not wish to find themselves raising another man child with special note when if come to their wives babies.

No need to bring gods or military glory or whatever into the picture at all.

Nor do most men wish to end up supporting a wife/girlfriend who is having sexual relationships on the side with or without babies being an issue.

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@BillRM,

Sorry, missed your PhD. dissertation and published wisdom in peer-reviewed science journals. You know better than those with such qualifications because...?

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@HesDeltanCaptain,

Being an evil Hetrosexual male in the US society for 66 years is the source of my wisdom.

Along with a good sense of smell for broad pseudoscience claims.

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@Linkat,

I had an affair once, short though, but i felt i was reborn again. That doesnt change the fact i betrayed my gf. I was 7 years already in that relationship back then

Its like drugs, do it once, or twice and just stop or else u'll be an addict.

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#KarmaisaBitch!
Ashley Madison hack is not only real, it’s worse than we thought

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20 million men trying to get some strange. Very Happy

Quote:

“Overall, the picture is grim indeed. Out of 5.5 million female accounts, roughly zero percent had ever shown any kind of activity at all, after the day they were created,” Gizmodo writes. “The men’s accounts tell a story of lively engagement with the site, with over 20 million men hopefully looking at their inboxes, and over 10 million of them initiating chats. The women’s accounts show so little activity that they might as well not be there.”

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@Olivier5,

More like, "Life is Short, Hurt Everyone!"

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@Olivier5,

So now 35+ million Ashley Madison accounts, names, messages etc. have been posted online by the Impact Team...

My bet is they are going to have a far larger impact than they think, with what? some 25% of all married Canadians and USians outed as cheaters... Lots of celeb people in there, lots of ordinary folks too. How big a flood of divorces is ahead? How many public confessions? Is the U.S. going to become a little less schizo, a little more accepting of extra-marital affairs? Or vice-versa, is a backslash against affairs in the cards?

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Well . . . i guess adultery is better than infantry.

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@Olivier5,

I am deeply suspicious of any statistics coming of the Ashley Madison hack. The numbers just don't jibe... oh that and the fact that Barack Obama is listed at least 2 dozen times in this data.

There is no reason to suspect that these statistics are at all accurate or representative of anything.

1 Reply

"Life Is Short, Have An Affair": What Do You Think?

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