Lost and found love

Mrs Hinge and I first met in 1987, split a couple of years later, but kept in contact thanks to the interwebs. We reconnected in 2004 before thinking we'd try again. We've lasted longer this time. Yay us!

Very cool. What was it like reconnecting after so long?

Well, brill. We'd had a bunch of very different experiences but still had the same faults that drove us apart when we were younger, but now we recognise them in ourselves and tolerate them in the other. I see how compatible we are now in areas I never saw then - like our political beliefs and social conscience - probably because I was so callow and much less concerned with it then.

She calls it destiny but I'm such a goddamn atheist that I don't see it as fate. Just a happy coincidence.

Similar with us: we were together for nearly 10 years, then separated (more or less totally = no contact) for more than 13 years and married, a couple of months after we'd met again, 15 years ago.

I'll wait patiently for the reasons....

I know what seems to be a disproportionate number of people who met in high school and are still together (my age, so ~20 years). Most of them were continuous. One couple were close friends (women) before they realized after college that they'd had a crush on each other throughout HS, but each assumed the other was straight and they didn't want to scare the other one off, so nothing came of it until they ran into each other at some sort of lesbian event.

I think it (reconnecting with an old flame) can be dangerous but can also see it working out. As annoying as it may be, studies keep showing that commonality has a lot to do with successful relationships, and people who went to high school together likely have a lot in common. (Age, where they grew up/ social mores of that location, socio-economic background, etc.)

I noticed a couple of 'hook-ups" after one of our HS reunions. Marriages resulted.

My feeling was that these people knew each other's "back story" and that made it easier to jump in to fill a need. What was forgotten was the 30 years AFTER high school, and all the baggage that gets accumulated during this time.

I think that it is quite unusual here that people stay together after high school. Our best friends are such an exception - and it had THE talk of their "80th" birthday party.

there seems to have been quite a bit of that in my old circle as well - I'm not sure if it's a good reason to go or not go to the next reunion

none of the couples that married straight out of high school are still together. the closest are a few couples that knew each other in high school and then connected after university

I don't think any of the couples I know married straight out of high school -- the "continuous" ones were together since high school but didn't get married until mid-20's.

Actually I take that back, one of 'em was only 19. Geesh. I really didn't think that would work out, but 22 years on looks like I have some crow to eat...

Yeah I found the whole article and others about her study fascinating.

So here's my story: I am recently separated from a husband of 11 years. I'll just summarize that relationship by saying it was difficult and incredibly restrictive and probably should have ended 6 years ago. After all of the stress and emotional mess of the last year or so living with him while we went through the process of separating/divorcing, I had this overwhelming desire to reconnect with people who knew me well and loved me anyway. So I looked up my high school sweetheart, who I'll call CD. CD wasn't my only high school boyfriend but we had an incredibly sweet relationship that was equal part friends and lovers. What I remember about our relationship is how easy it was to be with him -- no pressure to be someone I'm not, easy flow of conversation, similar interests -- and how fun and energetic we were together. We split after 10th grade when I moved back to Florida, but we kept in touch for several years, rekindling in an odd, undefined way periodically over the next 6 years or so before finally losing touch for 15 years.

What surprised me most about reconnecting with him was how it felt as if no time had passed and how much we both felt a sense of relief at being able to be ourselves again. It feels like I've found my best friend again. I have no expectations for the future and don't really know what this is between us but I am fascinated by it. There's really much much more about it that I find amazing but I don't want to tell my whole life story here. When I started googling about it and found that it's not so uncommon it peaked my interest even more and made me curious about how many other people experienced similar reunions. So we have at least 2 A2Kers who have experienced it and others who know people who have. Very cool.

See I was thinking about this as well. I think that there's something about the fact that these people were separated for such long periods that improves their chances of success. All the growth that happens in your 20s, all the roughness of marriage and children, etc.. you don't experience with each other. How hard it must be to allow your partner the space they need to grow into the person they need to become when you've known each other since high school and have that image of them as 16/17 years old. It would require a lot of maturity and wisdom to forge a great relationship at that age that most people don't have at that time.

Hey that sounds really good then! The sense of relief sounds very promising.

Have you had face-to-face contact yet?

Not yet, but we've shared photos. He lives in the same area as one of my sisters so I will see him spring break while I'm there. It's so interesting how much he's the same person yet completely different. (I'm sure that's true for me also.) You can imagine the changes a man goes through from the ages of 22 to 37... We were both pretty goofy kids.

Face-to-face will give you a lot of information.

I definitely think it can be done, though. I think your attitude sounds healthy (open mind, see what happens, no particular expectations).

Yeah I agree about face-to-face.

I started a post that speaks to this aspect.

I've maintained sporadic friendships with some friends from Grade 1 on. As we've gotten older, we seem to be getting much closer again. We all seem to have needed the time to grow up separately - but when we get together there is just some understanding that I've never found with any other people.

hamburger (my dad) is in his early 80's now. He has friendships that go back to his first day of school. I swear he still breathes easiest when he's around those guys. They've all been through a lot, separately and together, over the many decades. There is something about those old friendships, rekindled or maintained, that is truly special.

I'm so glad for you, Ducky, when I get home tonight I'll try to remember to post two stories about reconnecting love.

Joe(one of them is mine.)Nation

This thread is a pleasure to read, that after a tense year/years, bunch of years, you have found an old good friend. No expectations, that's smart - enjoy right now.

Sorry, i know it's not necessarily on topic, but every time i see this thread, this song jumps into my head (partly because of the video), so take a little entertainment break . . .



Sometimes I feel I've got to . . .
Run away,
I've got to . . .
get away from the pain you drive in the heart of me
The love we share
Seems to go nowhere,
and I've lost my light,
Now I toss and turn,
I can't sleep at night,
Once I've ran to you,
(I ran)
Now I run from you,
This tainted love you given,
I give you all a boy could give you,
take my tears,
and that's not nearly all,
Tainted Love,
Tainted love,
Now I know I've got to?
Run away,
I've got to?
Get away,
Y' Don't really want anymore from me to make?
Things right,
Y' need someone?
to hold you tight
D'ja think
Love is to pray,

But I'm sorry I don't pray that way,
Once I've ran to you,
(I ran)
Now I run from you,
This tainted love you given,
I give you all a boy could give you,
take my tears and that's not nearly all,
Tainted love,
Tainted love,
Don't touch me please,
I can not stand the way you tease,
I love you though you hurt me so,
And now I'm gonna pack my things and go!
Touch me baby tainted love,
Touch me baby tainted love,
Touch me baby tainted love,
Touch me baby tainted love!
Once I've ran to you!
(I ran)
Now I run from you!
This tainted love you've given!
I give you all a boy could give you!
take my tears and that's not nearly all!
Tainted love,
Tainted love,
Tainted love,
Tainted love.