Thu 24 Feb, 2011 12:45 pm
Last yr I wrote a post after my daughter started complaining about her stomach hurting. I believe the pain is caused by fear, anxiety and/or stress about going to her fathers. She’s 6yrs old
A lot has happened since then. She saw a GI dr a few times, who finally recommended her to see a psycologist. We saw one, and was told that it does sound like the pain is caused by anxiety and stress, but she can't say how. She was going to refer us to a closer therapist since her office is so far away. Haven't heard back, I called the other day but haven’t heard back yet.
I am extremely concerned that my daughter is getting emotionally abused. Examples:
Calling her names; he calls her a liar no matter what. Even if I tell him something he still doesn’t believe her. Even if it’s serious, like she’s hurt he doesn’t believe it (he made her take a nap cause he didn’t believe she was hurt when she had nurse maids elbow and doesn’t believe her when she or I talk about her stomach hurting
Forces her to eat; this is tough, but she ends up with stomach pains cause of him forcing her to eat. She’s also eaten here, then gone there and he buys her food and makes her eat it. Right now she refuses most food, and is an extremely picky. Her father told my mom and I how he made her eat the same mac and cheese for a month (until it was all gone)
He victimizes himself; tells her things about our relationship, makes things up, tells her how mommy is mean to him and how.
He also criticizes her and makes things harder for her because she has to do things HIS way. When she does home work he sits over her, corrects her for making mistakes, yells at her for not getting things right.
Uses me as a punishment; tells her if she cries I won’t call, that if she’s not good I’m going to get mad. Hes also yelled at her (the phone was muted but I was listening) for crying on the phone. She kept trying to tell him I didn’t say good bye and he was yelling at her I can’t be on the phone all the time and that if she didn’t stop I wasn’t going to call anymore.
Not giving her medicine; this has been ongoing. She ended up with strep and sinus infections in 09 and then had to have surgery last yr. He tells me he does give her medicine but I can see by how much she has that he didn’t.
Using her as a messenger
I have tried putting her in counseling, getting legal help, praying, and looking on the internet for answers. I recently called the Childrens Advocacy center to try to get her back into counseling. After telling her some things she told me I should contact CPS.
Can CPS do anything? I’ve found out that emotional abuse is hard to prove, and hard to do anything about. I want to help my daughter, but don’t want to start something that’s not going to be finished and that will end up causing more problems
Have you gone back to court to get his visitation rights reduced or revoked?
Why are you so resistant to having your attorney take care of these issues for you? I checked all your other topics and the advice in each of them is that you need to contact your attorney. Why haven't you done this?
Your child is old enough now to tell a judge that she does not want to have visitations with her father. But you need to get into court. Ask for a hearing ASAP.
Last yr I asked for a modification on child support. I wanted to get a modification on visitation, but everyone I talked to told me theres no "substantial evidence", even though intake lawyers said I needed help. Which is stressfull cause I have yrs of emails and journals. I also never could get a lawyer, even though I tried legal aid numorous times.
So after being told to go after a modification on support (his ex) I requested one done. Which caused him to then try to get custody. Last yr we did a social study, and it was decided she was going to stay with me. All of my concerns and things were brought up. This time I was able to get a lawyer (she felt bad and is helping me). The social worker wasn't interested in my concerns, and instead of him having to get help, he's going to get more visits. Which I am trying to fight, but can't get ahold of my lawyer.
I have. We are waiting on his W2s so his lawyer can draft an order. I am planning on fighting the extra time, at least until he gets help. But I can't get a hold of my lawyer... No Im just waiting. I tried to get her in counseling closer to home. But she said I should call CPS with my concerns
Thank you. I don't want to stop visits all together, because I know she loves her dad and don't want her to feel he doesn't love her or anything like that. He needs help so he stops these actions. She needs help until he does so shes not suffering. I'm totally torn. I'd love to be selfish and say he shouldn't have visits with him, but I can't do that to her. I think in Texas you have to be 13 to tell a judge that, and then its still the courts choice
I can't get his visitation revoked or reduced. Theres not enough grounds to do that, or thats what I've been told. Though I have alot of things to comment on nothing its so serious that a judge will think its important to stop the visits. Frustrating when he causes nurse maids elbow then refuses to get her medical attention and doesnt give her medication properly causing her to get sick and need to have surgery. Not to mention every thing else (name calling, threats, ect), but nope thats not enough to step in and say something needs to change.
My lawyer now is trying to help me, but he is fighting for more visitation. I am putting her in counseling, which I hope will help her and with all the evidence of how stress affects her and causes severe stomach pain someone will say that the increased visitation isn't good for her. He lives about an hr from the school and wants overnights during the week. I think thats ridiculous cause of the longer commute, traffice, school zones and a new schedule will be to stressful on her.
Honestly I have. I've tried to contact her so much I think she got annoyed. But like I said, she was waiting on his lawyer to draft an order, and he was waiting on the W2s. She emailed me a copy the other day of the visitation schedule which when I responded I told her how I disagree with the visitation he wants. She told me he wont budge. I've offered to compromise and let him have her for 1 extra overnight visit on his day off. That way we can see how she does and she won't be overly stressed by having a huge change. This will give her time to start seeing a therapist and hopefully be able to work through stress in a better way. Plus I've asked him to take a parenting/coparenting class. So if he takes that and learns anything then she will be much better off
Yes, CPS can help. I am in the same situation. I have put kids into therapy. It is very sad how long it takes to get kids help. I believe our whole country would be a safer place if kids got help sooner. Your ex sounds like a narcissist. Keep showing your child how a loving parent acts and keep up with the therapy. Do call CPS. Be an advocate for your child. Even if it seems hopeless, you are at least showing your child that you are standing up for her. Kids are smart and know what is really going on. Don't speak badly of her father and don't worry about what he says. These terrible parents (men and women) may be able to fool some people, but the kids know the truth. Ignore all those ignorant responses from those who do not know, or maybe wouldn't care, how it feels when your child is being hurt by someone who should love and protect them! Emotional abuse is just as damaging as physical. CPS does count emotional abuse and neglect as abuse.
I am in the same situation and I have found NO Help! I have tried legal, domestic abuse services, counselors, and now my teen year old (started when she was 9) is depressed, has trouble sleeping, is totally manipulated and brain washed my ex husband (her dad). He tells her if she doesn't do the things he think she should do then she is "back stabbing him" and she stresses about it. it is an awful thing to witness and I have found NO ASSISTANCE. I have filed two CPS complaints; both closed with no investigation! If you find anything I'd love to know!
I also live in Texas and my husband is in a legal battle to modify child parent relationship to get custody of his 14 year old. His ex wife had moved the case from one county to another, changed lawyers and now keeps postponing dates in the new county. Unfortunately, even though he is 14 does not matter. Still have to have a hearing and unless my husband can prove psychological abuse the judge may not think its in the child best interest for the change. It's up to us to prove that it is. I called cps and they told me unless the judge signed the order for temporary custody order and restraining order against her then most likely they won't find reason for an investigation based on that information. The judge did not grant the temporary order and we are still waiting for a court date for the modification. I tried calling cps 4 years ago for his 16 year old sister, then, and cps told me they wouldn't even open a case unless she called herself and told them herself. She told me she wouldn't out of fear of her mother not loving her anymore and fear of what her mom would do to ruin her life. It is ridiculous how parents can torment their children and no one does anything about it.