Quote:1) Then he would try it over again, from the beginning, the drum rolling to make you feel how dangerous it was.
This one attracts my special attention in that its structure is slightly awkward -though not wrong in any way.
It would flow more smoothly if written:
Then he would try it again, from the beginning, the drum-roll underscoring the danger.
Quote:2) He went to sleep dreaming mournfully, the expression of his sleeping face one of long weariness, long unhappiness.
I love this one - it attracts my special attention in a positive way. I love the phrases, 'long weariness' and 'long unhappiness' precisely because they are not ordinary among native English speakers, but very evocative.
It reminds me of how my elementary school librarian, Mrs. Chang - who was Chinese and for whom English was a second language- would say,
'Children - you have LONG OVAHDUE BOOKS....you must bring them back promptly.'
I loved her.
Quote:3) The girl walked away from the open window, and with her back turned to him, she said, "The trains certainly make a lot of noise.
Love this one too.
URL:
http://able2know.org/topic/167244-1