Receiving a lap dance, is, to put it crudely, the same, more or less, as getting a wank from a prostitute. It is a paid-for sexual service. To my mind it constitutes not only unfaithfulness but also reveals the person to be a sleazebag of the first grade. If his partner can tolerate that, I suppose that's her choice, but what does that make her?
@contrex,
OK, comtrex has never had one.
next?
(it is really not that bigga deal, kids)
@JPB,
JPB wrote:No, I don't think I'd get warped out if Mr B ended up at a strip club while being at a bachelor party. If he went there M-F on his way home from work? well... we might have a conversation or two.
Yeah, I think context matters.
My reactions would range from a shrug to a definite conversation depending on context.
@Mame,
I've known a few strippers and have met a lot of them (occupational hazard when you're a photographer and they're willing to spend lots of money on photos) and I have not one hint of jealousy or anger if Mr. B goes to a strip club (an occupational hazard for him on an irregular basis).
I just laugh and remind him to not offer to pick up the tab at the end of the night. (Mr. B doesn't drink and doesn't really enjoy strip clubs.)
@George,
By the way that's re: actually getting a lap dance rather than just going to strip club. I've already shrugged at that when it's come up.
@sozobe,
Understood.
Lap dance raises it (lowers it?) to a new level.
@JPB,
No, I'm talking about getting a lap dance, not going to a strip joint. Look it up on Wikipedia and you'll see what I'm talking about
Full-contact lap dances may involve non-penetrative sex where the stripper rubs her genitalia or buttocks against the patron's groin, stimulating him sexually. This is sometimes referred to as "grinding". Depending on the level of contact, other erogenous zones on both the customer and performer can be stimulated during the course of a dance via hands, lips, and other means. Some patrons wear a condom before they enter the club in hope of achieving orgasm during the lap dance; along with wearing pants that are very loose, this allows the man to receive so called dry humping.
This makes the lap dancer a prostitute, in my eyes, stupid remarks about having a pickle up my arse (my local spelling) notwithstanding. I don't really have any issues with men visiting prostitutes, if that's what they want to do, except that if any partner of mine went with one, it would trigger divorce proceedings.
I've seen a few of the ladies here mention "conversation"....would your convo consist of a flying/diving tackle, followed by a great deal of punching, biting, and kicking...cause that's the kind of convo my wife would have with me....all over the yard/street.
@Mame,
Yes and yes (in regard to the lap dance question).
Basically it is having sex without touching or depending on the type as some one mentioned having sex with clothes on - although I am not an expert. Watching is one thing - participating a whole other thing.
@2PacksAday,
HA! No, I'm not the diving tackle throwing, punching, biting, and kicking type of conversationalist.
I don't know... maybe I can shrug about it because the likelihood of having to deal with it as pretty much zero. If it did happen, the likelihood I'd hear about it is even lower. Probably falls into one of those ignorance is bliss categories, but I can think of greater tragedies than my husband getting a lap dance at a bachelor party.
@Mame,
Well it is quite simple for me. If two people agree to have a closed relationship then yes it would be a violation of that relationship. However there is no universal overseer that dictates that if you are in a relationship that you can never have an outside the relationship occurrence.
In other words if both people are understanding about it then there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. But at the same time if you don't agree with that, then that is perfectly acceptable but you can't force others to adopt your way of reasoning either.
Sexually oppressed societies tend to become very violent ones. Just look at the US...
I didn't read past soz's first sentence, but I didn't need to.
It's all in the context of your individual relationship.
In my relationship, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt my husband is never going to run off with, have an affair with, or even have a one night stand with another woman.
Doesn't matter in the least to me if some say it's crude or wanking him off, disrespectful, etc etc. I know it wouldn't put our relationship in any kind of turmoil
Bottom line, if he somehow found himself going to someone's stag party, and was sitting there, and someone else, as a joke, paid a girl to go over and give him a lap dance, I have no idea if he would politely ask her to stop, or if he would say to himself "what the hell, I might as well see what this is all about".
It wouldn't seem likely he would ask for it himself, but who knows, maybe he would.
Either way, if he told me my response would be "really? heh. what was it like?"
If he didn't want to tell me, I'd say "okay" If he did tell me, I think my response would be something like "heh, that's pretty wild."
Maybe it would be something he would fantasize about when we had sex. That's cool. I sure wouldn't invade his privacy by asking him.
If afterwards, someone like another woman, involved with a another man who had been there wanted to commiserate with me about it, or if anyone who knew about it wanted to tell me what he did was wrong in any way, I wouldn't even get into the conversation.
sooo.....in my particular context, with this particular man I'm married to, I couldn't care less.
If you asked me 17 years ago, when I first married this man, my answer would have been the same.
If you asked me 30 years ago, about a boyfriend I had that couldn't keep it in his pants, I would have been crazy over it and gone on a rampage.
whatever.
@chai2,
I agree about the context of someone's relationship -- that's all that really matters for any of these things. Whether it's about the toilet seat or how many times they have sex per week, the only "right" answer is the one that works for both people in the relationship. (And if it works for them, what other people think is kind of irrelevant.)
I actually meant the context of the lap dance, though. For example, I'd react differently in the example you gave (wouldn't be that big of a deal) to finding out that he had been doing it in secret for a while, and that it was the full-contact dealie. (I think "lap dance" itself has a range of definitions, from a scantily-clad person gyrating briefly, with minimal contact, to the definition supplied by contrex, above.)
