Am I selfish?

Wow. That's a toughie, but it sounds more like a judgement call rather than selfishness.

I don't even know what I would do, but I'm guessing that I would give serious thought to staying in Singapore if the new deal gets you into permanent status, if she could and would be with you then, if the new salary isn't eaten up by living costs in Singapore, and if you actually enjoy living there.

Anyway, I would vote for longterm security and happiness, but neither is really predictable and happiness is subjective. Ask your wife. Wives know about stuff like this.

I know wives know best!

We had our discussion on this. And she wants me to come back. But I am of your opinion. I guess thats how guys think.

But that also makes me feel selfish. Because I must regard the fact that she, too, had left her job for my career.

Even when they don't know best, they are always right. I suggest you include travel plans to India in your future.

IMHO - you need to be with your wife and baby.

That' needs to be your FIRST priority.

So either bring them to live with you or return back to her. One consideration is whether or not she is going to work after the baby comes.

I have a feeling that you are going to find good job offers wherever you are.
Do not attempt to be a long distance husband and father. It never works out.

Please, put your family first.

hmmmm thats 1 to 1.

I'd look at it from the point of view that you will be missing the most miraculous thing you may ever have the chance to experience this year - watching your baby grow and develop within your wife's body - seeing all the changes she's going through...who will she share all that with?
Yeah - her mom's there, but you're the dad, right? You're her partner. This is your baby too.
It won't be the same for her to have to tell you about it over the phone and send you pictures. And it won't be the same for you to have to hear all about it second-hand.

I know when my kids were little - we could have put away my whole salary in savings if I had worked and built a nice little nestegg and security for later years, etc., etc., but what I wanted was to stay home with my kids.
They were only babies and children for a short time. It wasn't a dress rehearsal - I wouldn't get that chance later- so I made the choice to forfeit the extra money and enjoy my time with my children.
Luckily - my husband supported me in that.
If he hadn't - I'd not have liked him as much.
If your wife doesn't feel supported by you at a time when she needs and wants her husband to share this wonderful thing that's happening to you both...she might not think you're who she thought you were.

I don't know...if it were a question of basic, fundamental support - I'd say, stay with your job so you can support your family.
But if it's just about more and better money on top of basic support and you're choosing to miss this time with your wife, I'd recommend a rethink.
You might really be losing more than you're gaining.

That's the way I'd look at it - but I'm a woman.

I know, men want to be good providers and in doing so they easily forget
that emotional support is sometimes just as important than financial support.

This is your first child, your wife's first pregnancy, she wants you there and
she needs you. If you deny her this and won't be part of her pregnancy and
the first year of your baby's life, you probably won't be able to repair the
rift you have created and the resentment your wife has build up against you.

It certainly isn't an easy decision to make, but keep in mind: you always can find another lucrative job, but you have only one wife and one family.

I absolutely agree with Punkey, aidan and CJ.

Don't choose money over being with your wife and child. You will regret it.

I was stationed all over the world on assignments and missed much of my sons early life and my daughters "really cute" years. I can NEVER get that back. Can money buy that?
(Id give it all back for the chance for a redo)

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard someone say that...

But you know what? I have NEVER heard anyone say that looking back, they wished they had made MORE money and spent LESS time with their kids.




(I'm sorry, farmerman. I truly wish you could get that time back.)

Why not keep the contract job, and a few months after the birth wife and baby move to you? She will no longer be bored, as she has a baby to tend to.

One way or another you need to get the family unified, but it is not a slam dunk that this should be in India.

Hmmm! So be it. I am going back to India.

But thats what my wifey dont want. She wants to spend time wid me as she would develop mood swings and it turns out I would be her only stresss buster.

I'm curious why you both thought it was best for her to go back to Mumbai once you found out she was pregnant.

Is she planning to return to working, in Mumbai, after having the baby? would your salary in Singapore not be enough to support all three of you in Singapore?

If the money made it possible, I'd suggest the three of you live together as a family in Singapore. Best future for everyone.

Singapore is the place for U !

GOOD LUCK!





David

Hahaha...
Something tells me your reasoning on this was simpler than ehBeth's. Hearing people refer to selfishness as a "vice" is like nails on a chalkboard, isn't it?

(We're ALL selfish. We just want different things.)

Anyone who is not selfish,
is a pervert; shoud be stripped, tarred & feathered.

If you're going to be working a fair amount, and she has a good relationship with her (and your!) parents, then I think that India has a clear advantage as home base (unless all four parents can move to Singapore, too? That seems unlikely.)

As other have already said, this is a really important time for the nuclear family unit (mother, father, baby) to be together. But it can be hugely stressful for a new mother to move to a where she doesn't really know anyone, and when the father is very busy. Having all four grandparents around to help with childcare (not to mention friends and a more general social life) can really make a huge difference.

Also, how does the fact that she will be working and the cost of living affect your bottom line. I'd imagine, but I don't know, that the cost of living in Singapore is higher than in India. So even if you make more money in Singapore, the salary in India might go further than it would there.

Well thats the thing isnt it. She was here with me. She was jobless. She would get lonely when I was not arnd. And she developed her pregnancy nausia and mood swings here in Singapore.

She has suddenly got sick of this place. But that just psychological. Now in India she seems to be very stable. She has good rapport wid my parents and ofcourse hers. So hers being thr is better than staying here. Plus medical services in developed cities like Singapore are offensively cost;y.

One visit to a gynac is 120 SGD (70 USD)! In Mumbai its just 20 Dollars and facilities all da same. Hence the expense benefit is certainly a prevailing factor to be in Mumbai.

Fortunately Singapore isnt far from India. Just 5 n Half hours by plane.