I have a dilemma!

Forums: Relationships, Divorce, Parenting
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I am 24 and a mother of a 2 and a half year old. Me and my son's father have been broken up since August. I want to start dating other people and my son's father says if I do he will have nothing to do with his son. He is very possesive and controlling but he has no right to be as we are not together. He has too much going on in his life right now and he thinks we can work when I have told him several times I dont love him and he does not love me. I want him to be there for his son without needing me too. But he has no one his family and him dont get along and have their own issues. I don't want to be miserable anymore and the longer he is around the more miserable I will be. I dont want him to not be there for his son as he is a good father or he at least tries. I do believe every child needs both parents weather they are together or not. But he thinks if he cant have me no one can. What do I do to move on with my life.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 5 • Views: 1,496 • Replies: 13

Your ex is threatening you using your son... bad, bad, bad. You can't give in to that or it will just escalate. You have a right to live your own life and be happy, so don't cave to his threats. If he really loves his son, he'll see him regardless, but this is just a typical control method that people like him use. Others say things like, "I'm going to kill myself if you leave me"... get it? Good luck.

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Yes he has used that one because all he has is his son. I went out on a date last week and my phone was ringing off the hook. He wanted to know where i was and who I was with. I told him he does not need to know and he said he was going to hang himself. I can't deal with his empty threats but he said if he ever sees me with another man he will beat him with a bat. I dont want him to go off the deep end and hurt someone. I just want to be able to have friends and have fun. But if i go out or do anything I am a slut or a whore and a bad mother. I am so ready to just take our son far away because he does not need to be around this behavior.

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Date. Meet all kinds of people. Do what you want. If the price is, he voluntarily walks out of both of your lives, you're probably better off without him.

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@Mame,

I'd agree - one other thing it is none of his business whether you date or not. I wouldn't tell him. Not because of his threat - but because your personal life is none of his business.

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Can you document his threats? You really need to.

Quit taking his calls, make him leave voice mail. Make him email or text you. Keep those records.

Get a lawyer and get a divorce. If you can't afford one, try legal aid. Tell your ex that all communication needs to go through the lawyer.

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Are you still living together?

Are you divorced or legally separated?

I don't understand WHY and HOW he knows your every move!!

He is threatening you - AND using the welfare of the child to control you. Be sure Family Court knows about his threats.

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People are assuming here that Shortygurl is or was married, but I'm not thinking so. Let us know about that, shortygurl.

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@shortygurl,

Quote:

I do believe every child needs both parents weather they are together or not.

Ideally, yes. However, in your case you have an insecure, nasty, and potential violent partner. I think he is a danger to you, your son and anyone else who gets in his way. I think you should get some advice from a counselor who knows how to deal with this type of character. Look up social services for abused woman and tell them what is going on and ask if they can help you. And I agree with all the other people who say you need to document what he threatens to do. Men like this start out with verbal threats but it can easily become actual physical violence and/or kidnaping.

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@shortygurl,

Honestly, if he loves his son, he will stick around no matter what happens. And if he doesn't, he might not be worth having around. Anyone that possessive and controlling is likely not going to be a good father anyways.

Start dating and living your own life. Don't waste anymore time and make yourself happy.

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No We are not married and never were. I dont know how he knows my every move either. I went out on a date and he was calling me and my house and all my friends wondering where i was. In his mind he thinks there is a chance for us but I Told him we are over but I guess he does not want to face the truth. I went to the movies a couple weeks ago and when I got out I have like 20 missed calls and texts from him. I'm ready to move on and told him to do the same but I guess he doesnt want to.

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Just see other people, if he couldn't deal with it , thats his problem. You're no longer together so you have every right to do what you want and make your own choices.

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I wonder why you don't see this as stalking, in fact, downright disturbing behavior??

Are you sure he's getting the message?

Don't push/pull with him. In front of another trusted person, lay it on the line that it's over for you two as a couple and develop a plan for his father role. Period. Then BLOCK his phone and text messages. (I wonder why you have not done this before)

BTW - no man will have anything to do with you if they feel you are still involved with someone who knows your every move and is constantly communicating with you.

You really need to look at YOUR intentions about this whole thing. Make up your mind and make it happen.

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@shortygurl,

sweetie if he makes you this unhappy then don't give into his @sshole tendencies... date lots of people. Enjoy life and live... tell your friends not to invite him out, they would listen if they knew how deeply you disliked him...

Think about the little boy and how much he means to you... I am sure he can be a great dad but overall your son is going to see how daddy treats mommy and think that is the way it is suppose to be.

P.S. I wish I knew you felt this way on Saturday night... if he hurts you this much, I, as I am sure the rest of us, fully support you in weaning him out of your life <3

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I have a dilemma!

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