How do you deal with snarky comments about your kids?

@Finn dAbuzz,

Sorry - I don't find it snarky- I thought we were allowed to ask questions on this forum.
Why is it snarky?

@aidan,

aidan wrote:

Sorry - I don't find it snarky- I thought we were allowed to ask questions on this forum.
Why is it snarky?

I don't imagine that you do.

Quote:

I think that's a good lesson to learn actually - much moreso than feeling that my glasses have to match my outfit - WHAT?

Quote:

... I'd be quietly shaking my head and wondering - wait - a four year old has to have glasses to match her outfits?
Where are we heading with that?

You do realize that the child in question is DD's, that he has explained why his daughter's glasses matched her clothes on that one day, don't you?

I could be wrong but it seems to me that you are expressing the very same sentiment as the woman in question which he considered snarky , and without as much subtlty.

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@Finn dAbuzz,

Quote:

I could be wrong but it seems to me that you are expressing the very same sentiment as the woman in question which he considered snarky , and without as much subtlty.

Yeah, probably because I grew up in New Jersey, and there we're allowed to be direct. We don't have to be passive aggressive and 'snarky' (which is actually a word I've never heard before) while pretending to be all sweet and polite.

I'm asking DD a question. Is that not allowed? As far as I know, his daughter isn't sitting there with him reading this - and if she is - I'd hope he'd remove her so she wouldn't have to witness two adults discussing an issue that concerns her.
I would never purposefully hurt a child.

The difference with me and that woman is that I'm not involving the little girl in something she shouldn't be involved in, and I'm asking a simple and direct question.

It doesn't mean I don't think DD is a good dad or that he has bad values or anything else.

Mostly it's just a commentary on changes I see happening in society among children today. And my sister and niece who are shopaholics? Do I dislike them? No. Do I judge them harshly? No. But do I acknowledge that once you start down the road of matching each and every little thing with each and every other little thing - you better make sure the kid grows up to make a good income to keep herself in the style to which she becomes accustomed- YES.
And for goodness sakes- DON'T ever give her your charge card to go shopping with.

You know - I just said - my own daughter is what most people would describe as 'all girl'. I don't see that as an insult at all. I see it as a description.

Bottom line - DD can do what he wants with his kids. I'm just asking if it's absolutely imperative among today's preschool set that kids have glasses that match their outfits.

As I said, that's a new one on me - and I'm always interested in changing cultural shifts and trends.

Sorry if any of this is snarky - it isn't meant to be. Sometimes I'm just too curious for my own good and for other peoples' comfort (apparently).

URL: http://able2know.org/reply/post-4434266

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@aidan,

Not knowing the undescribed anecdotal context of DD's initial encounters with this alleged snarky person, I am in somewhat an agreement with you Aiden that her quotes though maybe tactless in the way they were possibly spoken were in theory misinterpreted in the first place. They have very well been meant not in malice and as statements of a bully but just cheeky observations meant to create a connection of an observation the lady made on the children between the adults.

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@aidan,

Look aidan, I'm not trying to pick a fight with you, but the questions you are asking DD are pretty clearly judgmental.

If you don't think he and his wife are too focused on materialism with their daughter then you don't have a problem with being direct, you have a problem with coherence.

Maybe they are, and maybe they are too thin skinned about what someone like the anecdotal woman has to say about his kid, but asking loaded questions can easily be considered snarky, and if your motivation for asking them was really simple curiosity and not a means to express your disapproval (minor as it may be), you should have worded them a whole lot differently.

In any case, you certainly can use this forum to ask whatever questions you like in whatever manner you choose, and DD doesn't need me to respond to them for him.

1 Reply

@Finn dAbuzz,

Yes, I very much agree.

Meanwhile, also not speaking for DrewDad, there are two parts I can speak to -- how annoying it can be for little kids (not just girls) to get glasses, and how cheap Zenni is. I mean, like $10 cheap. That has a couple of implications -- one is that it's a stretch to call it "materialism" when they're that cheap, two is that they're cheap. Laughing

I got the ones sozlet is wearing now maybe nine months ago and they really need to be replaced. Her first pair of glasses were quality ones (mid-range, maybe $200?, definitely not the most expensive ones out there but good solid quality glasses) and her prescription changed within about six months. I could've changed her lenses out (which would've been about half of the total cost of the glasses) but she also grew and the frames didn't seem to fit her face in the same way. So I got Zenni instead, $19 total for some quite decent ones that I don't have to worry about.

The second part is that sozlet really had a hard time when she first learned she'd need glasses. She got over it (partly with extensive frame shopping, and this is a girl who can't stand to shop for herself) but I can easily imagine making it more of a fun thing by getting her a selection of perfectly functional but cheap glasses in a variety of colors. And she was several years older than Yaya when she first got them. (I mention that both in terms of what age is more likely to be appeased by a range of colored glasses, and also relative rarity and what that means. She was the second or third in her cohort to get glasses, every year since one or two more join and it's less of a big deal. A good friend of hers just got glasses and now a third friend is feeling kind of left out. The FIRST one always has an extra-hard time, dunno if that was Yaya or not.)

So, while I agree with what you (aidan) say about materialism and how it's a bad thing, I don't think any particular conclusions about the DrewDad family's materialism can be drawn from what we've learned so far.

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I've got a lot to learn. I'd wait until my kids were out of earshot, then tell the lowlife bitch to go **** herself.

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My take is mixed on the glasses comment being snarky (I didn't hear the woman's tone - though DD did); I'll figure it might have been snarky, or maybe not. Same with the all-girl comment. Could have been a compliment, but again, maybe a matter of tone, which DD heard. The comment about the food wrapper, though, is out of the ball park, and with that I see the anecdotal woman as missing a societal monitor, and can now see all three comments as inappropriate, personal, commentary. I feel free to say that since I sometimes am missing my verbal monitor too, heh. Seems a tad strange as an attribute if she is a counseller on the job.

On glasses, I got them in fourth grade, agree with Soz' comments re that process for a youngster. On voice tone, I have something of a monotone voice myself, that I've tried to perk up a bit over the years. I'm a dreadful singer... Thus I can imagine the woman's tone may be a physical matter, not just an effort towards drollery. But combined with the words, we may have a pattern here.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

ossobuco wrote:

. . .can now see all three comments as inappropriate commentary.

Indeed. Anyhow, drewdad surely knows the difference between snarky comments and conversation starters.

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@aidan,

Well hmmmmmmmm, Aidan... you have made some comments which appear to be fairly judgemental... not that you don't have the right to your opinion... but... WHY!?

I'm not trying to pick a fight either - I just don't understand your comments - because there is no indication in the first post about what you are commenting on.

aidan wrote:

But no matter how much the glasses cost, do you really want to teach your kid that it's important for her to have something as functional as glasses match her outfit?

<snip>

And with something like glasses - I understand it even less. I mean glasses last for years and years and years (the lenses) so why teach your kid that she has to have five different colored frames (no matter how cheap they are) that she'll soon outgrow? Just to be fashionable? In preschool?

I know when I got my glasses, my parents made sure I chose carefully knowing that I was going to have to wear them for years until my head grew or my prescription changed.

I think that's a good lesson to learn actually - much moreso than feeling that my glasses have to match my outfit - WHAT?
That's a new one on me.

I wouldn't make a snarky comment in front of your daughter - but I'd be quietly shaking my head and wondering - wait - a four year old has to have glasses to match her outfits?
Where are we heading with that?

Good Lawd. Where are we heading with that? No-ones heading anywhere, it's a baseless assumption on your part that the daughter has different coloured glasses to match her outfits.

Could it not be that it MAY be a way to encourage the little lady to wear her glasses, be proud of them and YAY, look, different colours, glasses can be FUN! They cost a few bucks... sheeesh!

This is a little girl who has to wear glasses and they are cheap and cheerful as well as being functional. Problem - I'm not seeing a problem. The leap to becoming a materialistic shopaholic to the nth degree just seems ridiculous.

Little girls often like to have little bags, and little purses, and little matching belts and jewellery and bows and ribbons in their hair. Multicoloured bangles, different coloured ones to match their clothes. Electronic toys that don't come in regulation black but can now even be HOT PINK! Kids can buy watches that have 5 different coloured straps that are interchangeable. Little girls like to have 5 different barbies all with different outfits. They're just kids. <well, in saying that, I never had a doll in my life, but that's not the point>

Some girls like those things. Some boys like Kahki trousers and want 2 or 3 pairs so they can wear the same clothes every day.

Isn't that what makes us all different as we grow up as kids.

I was a tom boy - but my friend has girls - and they LOVE colour, cheap and cheerful.

Having glasses that are functional, but may make it a little more fun and cooler to have different colours... and to get a kid to wear glasses... well, I just don't see the problem.

Does your daughter have ONE functional handbag... or a few handbags for different occasions, and different coloured belts for her trousers, and shoes in different colours. Gosh, bringing colour into kids life has got to be a good thing, surely to goodness. What that has to do with materialism, I don't know.

I didn't hear DD stating that he was teaching his young daughter that she had to have different coloured glasses to match an outfit etc. Where did that even come from? That's an assumption your making.

Quote:

I mean glasses last for years and years and years (the lenses) so why teach your kid that she has to have five different colored frames (no matter how cheap they are) that she'll soon outgrow? Just to be fashionable? In preschool?

Seriously! Did you have young children who wore glasses. I don't know how many pairs my son has got thru and working in a school, we get broken glasses brought into the office on a regular basis.

Quote:

but I'd be quietly shaking my head and wondering - wait - a four year old has to have glasses to match her outfits?

your assumption - shaking your head and judging the parent when you have no knowledge of why a family would choose to do that and what reasons they have...

wow

the snarky comment lady DD believes could be a school counsellor - wouldn't want her in my school if she can belittle children and parents in that way.

poppycock and piffle!

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Soz said:

Quote:

So, while I agree with what you (aidan) say about materialism and how it's a bad thing, I don't think any particular conclusions about the DrewDad family's materialism can be drawn from what we've learned so far.

Which is exactly what I said:

Quote:

It doesn't mean I don't think DD is a good dad or that he has bad values or anything else.

Mostly it's just a commentary on changes I see happening in society among children today

Yeah, you know, I'm out of the preschool loop. And I certainly don't know anything about 10.00 Zeni glasses - so I'm out of that loop too.
I was sincerely curious to know if that's what's going on in preschools today - that kids have glasses that match their outfits.
So shoot me.

I don't know - if someone said to me, 'Your daughter's glasses match her outfit,' I'd say, 'Yeah - they do.'
If someone said to me, 'Your daughter is all girl,' I'd say, 'Yeah, she is.'
And my daughter IS all girl...is that a BAD thing these days?

If someone said to me, 'There's a candy wrapper on your car floor,' I'd say, 'Oh, if it bothers you, feel free to pick it up, ' and laugh and then say, 'and while you're at it, you want to hand me all those empty coke bottles rolling around down there?'
As one of my friends says, the inside of my car looks like a tip (dumpster) and I don't have any small kids anymore.
He's right - it's true. I just laugh when he says stuff like that.
It's an accurate observation. It's not a snarky judgment.

And anyone can believe whatever they want to believe - I'm not passing judgment on Drewdad or his daughter.
I was asking a question.
And to me, although again - I'm out of the loop with this word 'snarky' , so I may be wrong-but that to me connotes an underhanded, sort of slimy questioning or judgment passing.
I don't see how asking a direct question can be considered 'snarky'.

But again - I've been in cabs where people just say stuff like, 'Hey, why're you wearing that on a day like today?' Or 'Why do you let your kid eat that ****?'
And I just figure they're curious and they want to know so I answer-even if it's just to say, 'Because they like it,' or 'I feel like it'.
That's what happens where I come from.
No need to take offense.
Sorry if my direct curiosity caused any.

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@aidan,

Gosh, us folk over in the UK are up way too late.

Night Aidan... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz time!

1 Reply

@aidan,

And as far as my sister and her shopaholically trained daughter go - that was a caution - not a judgment.
I love my sister to death - she's one of my favorite people in the whole world and always has been.
Me and my daughter have benefitted GREATLY from her love of shopping - we get all her hand-me-downs.
I'm not hypocritical enough to look what has been a gift-horse in the mouth with supercilious judgement.

I'm just cautioning. I've seen what happens. When a little girl has to have tiny little sneakers in every color - sometimes she grows up to be a big girl who wants big UGG boots in every color.
Which is fine - as long as she has the income to support her habit.
That's all I was saying.

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@Izzie,

Yeah - well my all girl daughter just finally walked through the door from her party.
I stayed up because I was nervous of the icy roads. But she's home now...I can go to sleep.

1 Reply

@aidan,

Glad she got home safe - have a big sleep!

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@Izzie,

Thanks -you too.

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When you're child has to start wearing glasses at 3 years old to prevent her from becoming cross-eyed, you do your best to turn it into something positive.

I think we've succeeded.

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@DrewDad,

DrewDad wrote:

When you're child has to start wearing glasses at 3 years old to prevent her from becoming cross-eyed, you do your best to turn it into something positive.

I think we've succeeded.

Good for you.

Will they be permanent?

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@DrewDad,

Quote:

When you're child has to start wearing glasses at 3 years old to prevent her from becoming cross-eyed, you do your best to turn it into something positive.

I think we've succeeded.

That's totally understandable. But I didn't know that was the situation with your child. I was simply wondering if that was the situation with EVERY child in the US who wears glasses these days- in other words - is it the fashion trend now to have your glasses match your outfit.

That's all I was asking, because as I said, - I'm out of the loop in terms of what goes on with preschool children - and in fact- a lot of the trends in the US in terms of rearing young children these days as compared to how it was when my kids were little.
But I'm always curious and interested - and yeah - I often have an opinion.

If I were you or your wife - when someone asked, I'd say exactly what you said right here.
'Well, the glasses are really cheap and when you have a child who has to start wearing them at 3 to prevent her from becoming cross-eyed, you do your best to turn it into something positive.'
That pretty much covers the bases.

I was also thinking more about it myself and I did come to the conclusion that it probably is a good idea to have more than one pair of glasses for a child who ia school-aged and under. They can be pretty hard on their glasses. I know that I was - and me being as blind as I was from the time I was about seven - it was a major to-do everytime I broke my frames. I used to have to be one of those kids with the taped frames for days at a time- back then they didn't have this one-hour service.

No offense meant DrewDad - I was just asking about cultural trends. I'm sure your daughter is a sweet little girl and I wish her nothing but the best in life - and you too as you take care of her.

1 Reply

@aidan,

The OP question was "how do you deal with snarky comments about your kids?

not - should I have to justify myself to people who make snarky comments about my kid

aidan wrote:

... But I didn't know that was the situation with your child.

but but but......exactly, an asssumption was made which led to snarky lady comment with rolly-eyes and shaky-head-syndrome towards a parent ... with the child present.

Quote:

If I were you or your wife - when someone asked, I'd say exactly what you said right here.
'Well, the glasses are really cheap and when you have a child who has to start wearing them at 3 to prevent her from becoming cross-eyed, you do your best to turn it into something positive.'
That pretty much covers the bases.

Saying that in front of a kid to a snarky lady would just draw more attention to why the child wears glasses... errrrrrrrrr... mebbe having the opposite affect of making the kid feel positive about herself.

Nah, that's as daft as me justifying why my son had socks with Monday thru Sunday on to try and teach him the days of the week.

Goodness me - why can't people just think a little bit and quit being quite so judgemental of why parents do what they do to make their kids life a little easier. The parents should NOT NEED to justify this to anyone. The different colour specs just seems so obvious, what a great way to encourage a child to wear glasses..

just like the days of the week on pairs of socks (unless you have a tumble drier that eats socks and then the kid is well confused - is it Tuesday or Thursday!)

Teaching with fun and learning thru positive encouragement. A little bit of humour with any form of medical aid wouldn't go amiss - bring on the colour!!!!

1 Reply

How do you deal with snarky comments about your kids?

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