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Tue 30 Nov, 2010 11:30 am
Hey Guys and Girls......
I was on the net and found this page, I'm in a really hard place at the moment. i'm with a girl....one of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life. Our relationship started really well but then she cheated on me, it was very early on and i was a bit flash, I guess I was trying to be someone else as I really liked her and thought she would not like me for me but i was very wrong, we got over that and things really got better. Now 3 and a half years down the line and we are engaged to be married, the date is set for Aug next year. My life has changed so much over the past 6 months, new business and friends. For the first time in my life I'm really happy (work life). Things between us have not been great, I really don't know if i can marry her, the other problem is her mum and dad have paid the deposit for the venue, bought the dress and a few other bits. It seems like the wedding is all about the money, its hard enough for me as i lost 2 very close people to me (Nan and granddad) they won't be with us and that kills me. I just wanted things to be right and meaningful but there not. She snaps at me all the time, I know I can be a little lazy but I work really hard and we want for nothing. I just need a little space sometimes but it seems like everything I do is wrong. Now the hard bit.......I have met someone else, she is great, exciting and makes me feel good about myself. She has a heart of gold and is so beautiful, she does have 2 young kids, not a problem for me as they are fantastic. I'm only 26, 27 in Jan she is 30 so not a huge gap. I really don't know what I'm doing..... ;-(
if I'm honest...the thing that is keeping me here is the fact we have a home together, I really don't want to see her upset as it hurts so much watching it (Ok...a tear has just run down my face) Her parents have paid out money for the wedding and we have great friends....
she has made me such a better person and I will never forget that about her.
What am I doing? Help please. I know this all might sound a bit crazy but I really need some advice....
Thanks guys
58strat
Well, the first place to start is deciding whether or not you want to marry the fiancee. Pretend, (if you can) that there is no other woman you are interested in. Do you love your fiancee and still want to marry her? If you are not sure, then at the very least postpone the wedding. You will only create more heartache down the road if you marry someone you do not love.
You seem to be focused on the fact that her parents have laid out a good bit of money already toward the wedding. An easy solution is to offer to pay them back for the venue deposit at the very least if you decide not to marry their daughter. That would not only be the right thing to do, but also would ease your mind on that score. (You could also offer to pay for the wedding dress, but since she can hang onto it for future use, I wouldn't be overly concerned about that.)
Bottom line, it is never too late to back out of a wedding if you are not certain you want to go through with it. Marriage is hard enough without one party coming into it only because he/she feels an obligation.
As for the new woman you have met, it could be your feelings for her are what they are because you have become disenchanted with your fiancee. You know the old adage, "the grass is always greener on the other side" sort of thing. I'd be careful of jumping too quickly into another's arms if you call off the wedding.
Oh yeah, and if you decide to go through with the wedding, break off all ties with this new woman. Your fiancee deserves that and you need to be man enough to give her what she deserves. If you cannot bear to sever all ties with her, then I think you have your answer about the wedding.
Good luck.
Your feelings are not unusual (pre-marriage jitters.)
BUT you have some real issues here that makes red flags to up.
Did you two go through pre-marriage counseling?
Re: the other woman. You are engaged. Act like it. You have made a promise to a woman. Get that sorted out BEFORE your eye wanders.
If you want to get out of this upcoming marriage, then do it NOW. Screw the dresses and money issue. You owe this woman to be honest.
@JPB,
Thanks matey. I have called the wedding off now, its so hard watching her upset but I need to do the right thing for us both. I need a holiday, just to think about everything in my life. Thanks for taking the time to leave a reply.
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