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broke up with him via phone call.

 
 
misty31
 
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2010 01:01 pm
Stated to him "I know I said I wouldn't do this over the phone but... I dont want to see you anymore." & before I could begin just why he replied "uh huh- okay" then he hung up. This whole relationship started up three months. He has a problem with premature ejaculation, at first I thought he was just being selfishly one-sided, so i got a little angry that my wants weren't important enough for him to try putting me first. Still he continued having issues but I tried to reassure him that it was okay and that there are ways around that problem. and that we could just play with me first, no use , he simply didnt show any will to want to be pleasing on my end. He would spend every day almost a week at a time over my house,because he liked my performance on him and seemed to enjoy the way we would comfortably just fit holding each-other in any position while snuggling. He is on probatation and has no job,but now he wants to spend more time at home with his mom and younger bother while trying to get his life and money issues better sorted out. Also he said he is almost scared to have sex with me now because of what if he fails me , yet two nights before stating this he had no problem putting me in the position that makes him finish the fastest even after I tried talking him outa doing it that way for obvious reasons. He introduced me to his dad, all his friends, his uncle, his Grandma, and his mom during these three months of being "together" he is 36 and I am 31. so my question is : is he maybe not feeling up-to-parr with himself enough to not venture any further and seeing me as not worth the trouble? or is he wanting to better his worthyness as a respectable man and mate by being more responsible with his time?
 
View best answer, chosen by misty31
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2010 01:11 pm
@misty31,
Eek, well it seems that sex is tied up with the rest of the relationship. Not that it shouldn't be, but it seems like it's about half of your paragraph.

So, first, the sex. Premature ejaculation happens. One thing you can try (assuming you may want to salvage things) is to get him to see his doc and make sure it's nothing organic. Assuming it's not, there is going ahead in one way (oral sex, etc.) for his orgasm #1 and then going to the main event. Second time is generally going to be slower than the first.

You're right that there are going to be some positions where he gets off faster than others. The time to talk to him about that is certainly not during mid-thrust -- it's not right before and it's not right afterwards, either. You've gotta pick your moment and not make it tied up too intimately with the act. So, it's Friday afternoon and you've both just had lunch and you're at home -- might be a time to talk.

And for God's sake, instead of framing it as a negative (because this guy is a bit concerned about his performance anyway so framing it negatively is only gonna fuel that), frame it as a positive. E. g. honey, y'know what I really like? I like it when we do cowgirl position (or whatever it is you prefer). Here, lemme show you.

And then do it.

This will frame it as a positive.

You are not only fulfilling your own needs but you are also giving this guy a shot at success.

But this is all assuming you want to salvage the relationship. Do you? That's the ultimate question. The rest of it is window dressing.
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2010 01:26 pm
@misty31,
I'm confused... did you want to break up with him or not?

If not, you messed up by telling (over the phone no less) that you didn't want to see him anymore. The explanation of why doesn't really matter much.

Whether he feels up to par or whatever is kind of beside the point. You broke up with him and he took you at your word. If you wanted to open a dialogue instead, "I don't want to see you anymore" is not the way to do it.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
  Selected Answer
 
  2  
Reply Tue 9 Nov, 2010 02:46 pm
Misty - you broke up with him (over the phone - why - don't you trust his reactions? ) but then seem to list a whole lot of reasons and rationalizations as to why he does the things he does. Seems the biggest emotion is that you feel sorry for him. Is that his tie to you?

This guy sounds like a loser - face it. He is not a kid anymore, he is on probation, has no job, is insecure and does not satisfy you sexually. (never mind that he gets off too soon, the point is that he is not paying attention to your needs) . And his response was an OK.

I'd say you should give a big sigh of relief to be rid of him and start looking for a better man - or be prepared to be a babysitter for a long time.
misty31
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2010 05:39 am
@PUNKEY,
Dang Punkey!
Wow, you hit the nail on the head with that one! Used phone because he lives 25 miles from where I had driven twice to and fro the night before last,I was exhausted and outa gas.Oh and yes I agree with you on that loser sounding bit about him,as well as feeling sorry for him too. But the tie ... the really-REAL tie I'd have to say is that corny - indescribable- but what I'd like to explain as being an "eyeballing click" like just looking into his eyeballs-I see who and how he is as a person. ya know what I am saying?
0 Replies
 
misty31
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2010 06:24 am
----------U P D A T E-----------
Okay I woke up at six thirty p.m. & from the time I posted this in the latter half of morning hours till waking up- I look at my missed calls from him (p.m. 2:20-2:23-2:42-2:47-2:56-3:09-4:50-4:54-4:58,why did he call 9 times? I had previously offered the night before&on other occasions no-matter what our status is he could count on me to give him a ride to his pobationary classes which are manditorally required for him to be in and be punctual at arriving.
I stayed up till late yesturday morning fretting over this guy after I went over twice because he needed me for a ride then but got there and then he had changed his plans, along with his idea to call me right back,after having asked me to be his chauffeur (if he payed for my gas and time)saying he intendid on staying over-night afterwards to spend time with me but when I got there (since things weren't going as he'd hoped with his friends-he said it would be best for him to use the early portion of the following day, to attend to what he hadn't finished,... idk what it was though). I even called at 2:13 am to remind him I could still go get him if he'd changed his mind, since his meetings are closer to where I live than where he is staying. THIS IS WHY I DUMPED HIM THE WAY I DID. I know it sounds obvious that this guy is just not that into me, but he was -I know he WAS- I swear it ! lol! anyway when i saw he'd called and I slept through it, I half wanted to call and explain and half felt it served him right to not have me beckoned and running to his calls. what do yall think about this crazyness? I know I am stupidly gullable but besides that...whats your take on this guys thinking?
PUNKEY
 
  0  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2010 07:30 am
Misty -
Get a puppy.
You can look into its eyes all you want. It will poop and pee on your floor just for a little while until you can train it to do what you want.

Unlike your boyfriend.
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2010 07:31 am
@PUNKEY,
Very Happy
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2010 08:23 am
@misty31,
You don't owe this guy squat (it's called breaking up for a reason). He can get his own goddammed ride, you are not his chauffeur.

Block his number and his texts, and consider yourself fortunate to be past this.
0 Replies
 
djjd62
 
  3  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2010 08:39 am
@misty31,
misty31 wrote:
Stated to him "I know I said I wouldn't do this over the phone but... I dont want to see you anymore." & before I could begin just why he replied "uh huh- okay" then he hung up.


everything you need to know about his attitude to you and the relationship is summed up in the bolded section

move on
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Wed 10 Nov, 2010 09:24 am
I agree with the others - dump him and keep him dumped. I don't think he's into you at all, and is using you for a ride. He's a big boy and he got himself on probation and should look after his meetings himself.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Nov, 2011 02:17 pm
@misty31,
misty, he's doing something illegal again that's why you don't know what it is:)

Do you see the bad boy image and lost soul in his eyes, the attitude, makes you feel "I know he likes me", to "does he?".

I think you just need validation that he was really into you before you can move on, the confusion is keeping you checking, 2am calling someone because he called you nine times at that time, who is awake at that time? Someone partying, drinking, smoking? Smile It's your way of, oh he rang, he does want me.

Want yourself first, he's going back to jaol trust me, find someone more on your level.
Mame
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Nov, 2011 03:04 pm
@FOUND SOUL,
How did this get revived from a year ago? And why?
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Nov, 2011 03:55 pm
@Mame,
Have you ever made an error Mame?

That's how and why.........Although I should know better to check the date, 6am wakeup to a diabetic dog can make you miss these things
0 Replies
 
thack45
 
  1  
Reply Thu 10 Nov, 2011 03:59 pm
@Mame,
There are a lot of threads being revived lately...
0 Replies
 
 

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