Torn Between Two Lovers

Not lateral enough?

Wasn't thinking outside the box..

Yes, because if they really love you the most. Then that love will see you thru the times when other things are not so great. I would always choose what is the very best thing for you! In my experiences, no one else will do that for me.

Problem is, if you choose the other one, you might become the clingy one yourself!

Knowing myself, I'd probably remain true to form and choose the one who loved me the most. Then I'd fantasize about the other one all the time. (sigh...) That's what I typically do.

Eva wrote:


Eva,

Yes, you might, but you also might not. It isn't inevitable that the one you love won't also love and respect you. It's the clinging that may cause the outcome of not being loved. Clinging, to me is indicative of a person who is having trouble feeling confident about himself. And choosing him, for me would be giving into a fear that if I try to get what I want, I'll fail. Choosing the one you love the most (and you may love him the most because he doesn't cling) can result in a powerfully loving relationship between two individual people. People who can each function on their own, if need be. A sense of being brave enough to go for what you want leaves you more available for the love you'll receive from him and also more capable of giving the love as well.

Agreed, Lola. And that is certainly the way it should be.

I simply meant that one-sided relationships often cause insecurity in the person who loves more. Which is a very good reason to avoid that kind of relationship, no?

A duet, then.

yes, and when it happens, let me tell you, it is wonderful!

Funny, how some apaprently dead threads come back to life.



I bet you that's what many people try... and often end up exhausted, both psychologically and physically.

We all agree, with Eva and Lola, that equal relationships are best.
But, doesn't it often happen that equal relationships become unequal? That somehow one partner dominates the relationship, and the other -some times irrationally, from the outsiders' point of view- clings to it?

In any case, with all these diverging answers from women, my friend's point is lost. I guess, now, that what he was trying to say is: "in the short run, us men think we're running the show, but women choose us and end up ruling the relationships".

that's very cynical, fbaezer..........not so, not at all. Relationships turn out in different ways, but the ideal, I think, is possible. I actually know of many.

From experience I would tell them to go with the one that was a little wailing!!! Someone that gets that wrapped in you could potentially be dangerous. Emotions like that stem from not loving themselves enough.
I know from experience. I went with the wailing one and we seem to have a harmonious balance between us. Had I stayed with the one who I didn't care for but who loved me "more" I would have eventually left him anyway!! Besides...the wailing ones seem to be the least controlling which matters in a relationship after you've been with them for awhile.
What do you think?

Calgon,

I agree with you.

Neither. In my experience is you have difficulty in choosing between two, you shouldn't be with either of them. People should and cannot be weight against each other, in such a way. Not to mention its a horrible way to start a relationship.

I had been in asituation similar to this. a fantastical beautiful stunning female had this boy friend and i sort of popped in the mix and she did things like follow me with out me knowing. how i found this out one night when going out to the club they fequent, i notice that she had the same clothing on that i did down to the shoes, (i had just purched the cloths that afternoon, ) from the time that i left the store that afternoon ill start the story. so i went home and showered and prepared for the night fun. so going to catch a taxi i noticed a car that was never before in the drive way and i noticed the plated because it was personalized (I LATER FOUND OUT THAT THAT WAS HER NEW CAR) so i caught the taxi and went on when i got to the club there she was with him so i snubbed her and acted like a kinder garden kid. so i went to the bar and ordered a drink drank it and went to get another, and boom there she was dressed exzackly like me down to the shoes. I FREAKED, i tried to figure how she got the cloths, where did she go to change, why did she dress like me, i figured it was that she wanted me also and him because she had to be following me to have the same clothing as me. so at last i did not figure it out so with in time things died down and shes still with him. it was scary after that because i didn't know if she was looking thru my window again or what i kinda left my door window cracked. just pick one all ready.

...just flip a coin

I agree with Oz if you have trouble choosing than it is a very good possibility neither is for you. When you find the right person you have no trouble deciding who to be with.

I was out one night a few years back and this guy I knew had asked me out, we hung out together for a while, when I was out with him and some friends one of my friends came up to me and said she heard him having a conversation with one of his buddy's, he was asking them which one should he choose me or this girl who looked like she walked the streets. I went up to him and said I will make it easy for you, choose her because if you are putting me in that category than I am not your type anyway. He was stunned I knew what the conversation was and was back peddling the whole time, I told him to hit the road. What it really boils down to is when you find the right person for you there are no other choices, you wouldn't even think of anyone else. I found a love like that, I have no interest in anyone even when things aren't going so well I still have no interest in anyone.