loving a married guy

I probably shouldn't tell you that you don't know your own mind, but I don't think you've fallen in love with your coworker. You're infatuated and you imagine a situation that will bring you happiness. It's not going to happen. I don't care how long you've worked with him... you don't know him well enough to be in love with him.

I am confused.I think I love him madly.If it was infatuation..would it have passed away when we were not seeing each other for 3 months. he used to call every 4-5 days just to talk.I know him for ! and a1/2 years.He said e had many physical relationships with girls but no mental relation as he has with me.He seems honest.

Sounds like he needs a friend. He has a wife and, presumably, she's still his lover. You're frustrated that you aren't getting enough of his time/attentions. You'll continue to be frustrated unless you put your relationship with him into a "friend" role, as it should be.



If he's honest then why aren't you taking him at his word that he never wants to see his wife hurt? You're looking for more from him than he's willing to give. He gets a friend to open up to and you get to be frustrated. It's up to you if you want that to continue.

wait.... "them to be hurt"?

There are children involved? How old are they?

A baby 1 year old.This friendship started before the birth of the baby.I have been his close friend.He considers me as a good friend. he says that he doesnot want to ruin this undemanding relation ship.I am the one who grew unhappy. you are right. But I am quite sure I will not see a more matching person in my life.i have divorced 3 times. the fault was my partners'.I am hopeless.May be you are right.

JPB , can one remain as a close friend after one gets romantically involved.I know there is no future.He seems genuine with me .He will never spoil my reputation or destroy me.

Of course they can. And, you haven't been "romantically involved" in a physical sense, just an emotional one. You let your dreams run away with your heart. That's what an infatuation is! Put some perspective on it and you'll see that he's not Prince Charming. He's someone who you can talk to and who appreciates talking to you too.

No.He kissed me a few times and touched.Said he liked me physically.And i was turned on.Lot of chemistry.May be he just found me attractive. I am beautiful and he is really handsome.emotionally physically and mentally I need him.

He has faults ..But I lov him dearly as he is.May be I should be contented with what little place he gives me in his heart. I have no intention to break anyone's home.But as you said..I dream a lot.

Then you'll continue to be frustrated.

You've had three failed marriages and you're trying to involve yourself with a married man who has a one-year old baby. He's been honest enough with you that he wants his cake and eat it too. You think he's a great catch. I think you need to think about the folks you attach yourself to and what that says about your own sense of self worth.

I am trying to destroy myself.Mind says one and heart says another. That's why I posted here.I can't share this with anyone else.Thank you for your views. I will try to preserve my sense of self worth.Thanks JPB>you made it clear to me.

I would bet that all around you are single and lonely guys who would jump at the chance to have a loving relationship with you and yet you had selected a married man with a young child at home!

Having at periods been one of those lonely guys I had often shaken my head at the lack of common sense or judgment on the part of some women.

It is due to the fact that we donot select someone to love.It just happens.He shares many common interests with me.We are similer in nature.That caused the friendship to grow into alove affair.He advise me to be practical..marry some guy and live with him.Another thing in India there are no single guys interested in me.

I have no hope in finding a match let alone lover to live with.I am so lonely.

Well I am hardly an expert on India dating culture however in the US the way to meet people with common interests in by putting youself out there where such people are.

Be that common interest political issues or literatures or even chess or whatever you join groups and act friendly and outgoing.

I met my first wife in a laundromat and my current wife on a dial up pre-internet computer network in 1985 so you never can tell where you can meet a possible mate.

Talk to your girlfriends and see if they would could arrange double dates with some of their male friends or friends of their boyfriends.

In other word no guy if likely to knock on your door one night out of the blue you need to put yourself out there.

Oh this is kind of like diving into cold water to go swimming after the first shock you might find it fun to do so and at the very worst you will meet and talk to many interesting people.

Situation different in India.Parents select matches usually.Some marriages are love marriages.Many husbands and wives cheat.But society condemns them.Divorced people are looked upon as abnormal ones or lepers.No dating practices.Accidentally only one gets a lover.

Sorry to hear that any chance that you could get a job in the West either Europe or the US?

Yes I know that is one hell of move to made but it might be the only way you could change the odds greatly in your favor for finding a good future lifetime mate.

You seem to be also seem very well educated so could you perhaps find a position where you are in contact with western men?

No I am not repeat not stating that Western men are better then India men but they are used to the idea of dating and courting women.

Having a long term affair with a married man in any culture is a losing proposition for any single woman.

I am Bsc nursing.I may be able to do that. I am considering that option..already.It is a little difficult now because my daughter may be then claimed for custody by her father.May be I will do it when she grow up.

Thank you all for the concern and suggestions.