Fighting

@Roberta,

Roberta wrote:

When I was a little Roberta, I got into a lot of fights. Physical fights. When you combine a hair-trigger temper with no patience, you get a little girl who just hurls herself at whoever pisses her off.

My mother was distressed at my fighting and tried to get me to stop. My father figured I wasn't gonna stop (he was right) and gave me lessons in self defense. I paid attention, but in the heat of the moment, I remembered nothing he taught me.

I'm sure I must have been hurt. Don't remember that at all. What I remember is the glorious satisfaction I got from hauling off and taking a whack at somebody who pissed me off.

I haven't hit anybody in ages. I'm grown up. I'm a civilized, socialized human being. Last week I was discussing being a grown up with someone. I said that I like being a grown up (mostly) but I would really like to hit somebody. I miss that kind of immediate satisfaction. I received a strange look in response.

My fighting days are over. Sigh. Big sigh.

Why was fighting so damned satisfying?

I always thought winning was pretty satifying, and then I broke a BA's back with a punch in the nose, and lost my union membership of thirty years... I am money ahead, no more union dues...But what if the guy had an eggshell skull and I broke that and killed him.... It feels good when some one deserves it and asks for it, to kick some butt, yet, it solves nothing... And I have to say; I have never ever premeditated violence on anyone... And I do not go where a fight is likely... I do box for practice, and work at moi tai... It is because I am getting old, and I don't want to look vic, and if some one thinks I look vic anyway, I want them to be able to taste their own blood...

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@Fido,

So you were fighting as an adult, Fido. Very different situation. Yes, someone can get seriously hurt. I stopped fighting after a certain point. Don't remember exactly when. Maybe when I learned some self-control. But the feeling is still there. Whammo.

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Never been in a physical fight.

No idea what I would do if someone punched me. Probably be shocked, and cry.

I would fight like the devil if someone tried to assualt me, but that's self defense.

When you were little Roberta, were there kids that just avoided you like you were crazy or rabid?
I think that's what I would have done.

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@chai2,

No, as far as I know, nobody was avoiding me. That's how I got into fights with the same people.

Maybe it sounds like I was crazy or rabid. Fighting was not something that happened daily. I never ever got into a fight with someone who was my friend. There were some kids in the neighborhood who almost seemed to ask for it. They'd come over while I was playing. Ask to join in. Sometimes they'd piss me off. Sometimes they wouldn't. I didn't fight with people just for the sake of fighting. I fought with people who made me very angry or frustrated.

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What would they do to anger or frustrate you?

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@chai2,

I remember one specific incident with a little girl who lived in the next building. Introductory info: I was very smart. Very smart. She wasn't so smart. She wanted to be my friend. I wasn't keen on the idea. But she was around. I was around. We occasionally hung out together.

I was born in November 1946. She was born in February 1947. She announced to me one day that she was older than me because February came before November, so she was born first. Being older was a big thing when you were little. I agreed that November comes before February, but that I was born in the year before she was.

Her response: She was older because Feb comes before Nov.

I tried to explain again. I was born in the year before her. So even though Feb comes before Nov, my Nov. came before her Feb.

Her response: She was older because Feb. comes before Nov.

I couldn't understand what was wrong with her. I was getting angry and frustrated. Why didn't she understand. I was right. I knew it. I tried again and again to explain, each time getting more frustrated. Each time her response was the same. I thought she was trying to make me mad.

I could stand it no longer. I started fighting with her.

1 Reply

@Roberta,

That I can understand.

I remember in 1999 commenting to my husband that I couldn't believe people were calling 1/1/00 the start of the new millenium, when it was obvious to anyone who could count that it would start on 1/1/01.

He said "what?" so I explained.

He said "what?" so I explained.

He said "no, it starts 1/1/00" so I explained.

We went through the fact there is no year "zero"
I drew pictures, (with circles and arrows, and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. (Alices Restaurant)).

He remained obdurate.

I started laughing, it seemed so silly, then the laughter got an hysterical tinge to it. "Don't you SEE" I said through my laughter. "Don't you SEE that doesn't make sense?"

I think I got a little too much O2 in my system from laughing, at the same time getting irritated.

If I were the type to hit, I think I would have shoved him.

Honestly?
I think that's why some people here think of me as being mean. It's because I read some of this stuff, and feel that I have to say "Don't you SEE? Don't you SEE that makes no sense?"

Please don't hit me Boida.

1 Reply

@chai2,

Chai, Don't you SEE? You're one of the people who would have been perfectly safe. But your husband would be in trouble.

BTW, the little girl and I got into another fight. Why? She insisted that Lincoln was president. I insisted that Lincoln was dead. A guy name Truman was president. No Lincoln is president. Lincoln is DEAD. Do you see it coming, Chai? Whammo.

She still came around. Still wanted to be my friend. Go figure.

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@Roberta,

You mentioned this girl wanted to be your friend.

Question to you.

Did you ever approach others, hoping they would be your friend, or was it more that they approached you?

Really thinking about it, who more often made that first, even if subtle overture that says "will you accept me (as a friend)?"

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@chai2,

They approached me, almost always. Lots of people wanted to be my friend. Go figure. I'm curious about your question.

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@Roberta,

I'm right in the middle of something right now. I'll be back later to answer that.

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@Roberta,

You think you get pissed off? Here's your competition.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JME8z9Nsa4

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@Roberta,

Reading along with great interest, Roberta. This is fun..

Quote:

Why was fighting so damned satisfying?

Let me give that question a bit of thought.
Mine will have to be a theoretical answer, I think.
Fighting was strictly forbidden in my home when I was a child. Much frowned upon.
If either of my parents had caught my sister & I at it, they would have beaten the crap out of us!

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@Roberta,

Roberta wrote:

No, as far as I know, nobody was avoiding me. That's how I got into fights with the same people.

Maybe it sounds like I was crazy or rabid. Fighting was not something that happened daily. I never ever got into a fight with someone who was my friend. There were some kids in the neighborhood who almost seemed to ask for it. They'd come over while I was playing. Ask to join in. Sometimes they'd piss me off. Sometimes they wouldn't. I didn't fight with people just for the sake of fighting. I fought with people who made me very angry or frustrated.

I'd like to relate to you a story about fighting which illustrates the intelligence of those who use violence as a remedy... I had an ironworking buddy named Al, and all told us one day of a job he had as a young man working for a roofing contractor in Detroit.... He said one of their big jobs was reroofing a bunch of townhouses in the projects... They loved to start at first light, and walk down along the roof at seven oclock in the morning with their spades for tearing off the old roof, hammering on the roof as they went, waking up all the black folks who had been up all night and did nothing all day until they would roll out of their houses in their jammies wondering what the hell was up...

He said, that one day, as they sat and ate their lunches, that one little black kid of about 15 beat up another and chased him out of the neighborhood... Then, he came around braying to the roofers: You see how bad I am??? I run the nkers ass right out of the place... And one roofer said: That ain't bad...If you was bad you could chew right through one of these shingles; and he offered the kid a piece.... And the kid chewed right through it... And all the guys nodded and agreed that he was bad, alright... But the kid said: Now I got them little stones stuck in my teeth... And the roofer said: Ya; but you're bad!

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@Roberta,

I belive your fighting is due to compulsery behaviour, which will bypass ur rational mind, usually steerd by your minor brain parts ..the reptile brain parts. That brainpart will need great stimuli that you now can control, but still feel the urge.

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@Roberta,

Roberta wrote:

They approached me, almost always. Lots of people wanted to be my friend. Go figure. I'm curious about your question.

I didn't matter where I went as a kid, you had to to fight to show you would, and to have any respect.. It didn't matter if you won or lost, because that was not the issue, but whether you would stand up for yourself...If you got beat up pretty bad, you just rubbed some dirt on it, and got on with your life... I wasn't very tough where I came from, and that was St. Ignace, because in that town everyone was tough when I was a kid... Where I went, St. Johns, I never backed down and never got beat, and even had to fight three guys at once, which is actually easier than it seems, and then no one messed with any of us... Years later a man told me that none of the kids ever thought of messing with my younger brothers and sisters because they didn't want to deal with me, and that guy at most was 8 years younger, so the word must have spread that I was some kind of crazy... And I guess I was, but not much where I came from... Back in swinging Iggy I was just one of the first ward bunch...We didn't mess with nobody and nobody messed with us...

1 Reply

@Fido,

Your reasons for fighting, Fido, seemed cultural--a part of where you were from. And it provided you status and safety for your siblings. I understand this. I grew up in New York. Territory and group connections are very important.

I never fought for those reasons. I was a little girl with an out of control temper, and I was easily frustrated. I fought when I got mad enough to take a swing. I do remember standing up for friends who might have felt threatened.

I learned to control myself. Learned to lead a more adult and civilized life. But the desire to take a swing at somebody is still there. Will I ever do it again? No. Not just because I'm old and not strong but because it seems a bit silly to me now. And I'm no longer that fearless little kid who wasn't afraid of getting hurt. Now getting hurt would be a problem.

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@Roberta,

I'm guessing that somewheres along the way, that you figgered out that a good verbal slice is as satisfying as a bonk to the nose.

and the effects last longer.

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@Roberta,

Roberta wrote:

Your reasons for fighting, Fido, seemed cultural--a part of where you were from. And it provided you status and safety for your siblings. I understand this. I grew up in New York. Territory and group connections are very important.

I never fought for those reasons. I was a little girl with an out of control temper, and I was easily frustrated. I fought when I got mad enough to take a swing. I do remember standing up for friends who might have felt threatened.

I learned to control myself. Learned to lead a more adult and civilized life. But the desire to take a swing at somebody is still there. Will I ever do it again? No. Not just because I'm old and not strong but because it seems a bit silly to me now. And I'm no longer that fearless little kid who wasn't afraid of getting hurt. Now getting hurt would be a problem.

I don't know how old you are lady, but I am 57, and I can run three miles, and I can box a bag hard for two or three minutes, and I do Moi Tai, however that is spelled, a marshal art, and the head instructor can throw kicks at me or hit me good with a stick almost anywhere and I can take it... I'm not ready to die, and I want to be able to go places, and I am not sending the message to any one that I am a victim... I once fought because it was necessary, and I never sought it out, but did not back away more than I could... I only threw the first blow once, and after first warning, and only when the idiot, trying to be smart, said: why wait??? I was not in a mood for waiting... I had had enough... If some one wants a piece of me now, I'm not fighting... If I can't run away, I am going for a kill, because I have no choice... I am not as strong, and my wind is terrible, since I have asthma... As head instructor said: hit them hard and hit them fast... and as I tell him: It is easy to avoid trouble by avoiding those places where trouble is likely...

1 Reply

This song reminded me of this thread

It's a great day
For me to whoop somebody's ass
It's a bad day
So you better get off of my back
You might get cold cocked
if you cross my path
'cuz it's a great day
for me to whoop somebody's ass.

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