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Fri 1 Oct, 2010 09:05 am
Well, there's a lot that goes on in my household and yes, it does involve my mom smoking pot. my mom is also a raging alcoholic and she doesn't take care of my 3 year old sister. I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school and I've been raising my little sister myself.
my dad is the only one who works and he makes an income of 800 dollars every 2 weeks.i would be working on weekends too but my mom and step-dad wont let me work because no one would watch my sister.(my mom could but she just doesn't want to)and once some of the bills are paid and they get gas,cigarettes,beer/liquor,weed an pills,we never have money for our necessities. we never have food at home and the only time i get to eat is at school but that's only because I'm lucky to have free lunch.i mean really,look in our refrigerator and all we have is a couple pieces of bologna,ketchup,mayonnaise,onions,and texas pete hot sauce.
My parents are hardly ever home. they stay out until the wee hours of the morning at different bars. the latest they ever stayed out was until 8:30 am.
i have talked to my mom the way i felt but all she had to say was,"As my kid,and as a sister, she is your responsibility."
i have enough respect for her to not talk back to her. but she doesn't care to talk down to me and make me feel stupid. i moved here from California about a year ago after not being in her life for 10 years because i wanted to meet my mom.i got taken away from her because of the same things she's doing right now.
i talk to my best friend about all of this and everyday i pretty much have a new story. she says i should call DCS but i know ill get taken away. plus, i got taken away from her at 3 years old and i know how much anger i carried with me for 10 years and i wouldn't want to have my sister feel,wonder,or question all the same things i did while growing up.
what do you think i should do?
-Concerned Daughter
@Rockhead,
I get what she's saying about not wanting to leave her sister, though. (Do you and your sister have the same dad, ConcernedDaughter?)
My first advice is definitely to get out, but it does sound like you're about the only good and reliable thing in your sister's life right now. Which doesn't necessarily change my advice to get out, but gives me pause.
@Rockhead,
Yeah, I was going to suggest that too.
I assume your step-dad is the biological father of your sister, right? Your dad may not want to involve himself in her plight, but he should be able to help you with yours.
Who took care of your sister before you got there a year ago? I know you don't think she was well cared for, but if she was neglected then maybe being removed from your mother is for the best.
@ConcernedDAughter730,
ConcernedDAughter730 wrote:
Well, there's a lot that goes on in my household and yes, it does involve my mom smoking pot. my mom is also a raging alcoholic and she doesn't take care of my 3 year old sister. I'm 15 and a sophomore in high school and I've been raising my little sister myself.
my dad is the only one who works and he makes an income of 800 dollars every 2 weeks.i would be working on weekends too but my mom and step-dad wont let me work because no one would watch my sister.(my mom could but she just doesn't want to)and once some of the bills are paid and they get gas,cigarettes,beer/liquor,weed an pills,we never have money for our necessities. we never have food at home and the only time i get to eat is at school but that's only because I'm lucky to have free lunch.i mean really,look in our refrigerator and all we have is a couple pieces of bologna,ketchup,mayonnaise,onions,and texas pete hot sauce.
My parents are hardly ever home. they stay out until the wee hours of the morning at different bars. the latest they ever stayed out was until 8:30 am.
i have talked to my mom the way i felt but all she had to say was,"As my kid,and as a sister, she is your responsibility."
i have enough respect for her to not talk back to her. but she doesn't care to talk down to me and make me feel stupid. i moved here from California about a year ago after not being in her life for 10 years because i wanted to meet my mom.i got taken away from her because of the same things she's doing right now.
i talk to my best friend about all of this and everyday i pretty much have a new story. she says i should call DCS but i know ill get taken away. plus, i got taken away from her at 3 years old and i know how much anger i carried with me for 10 years and i wouldn't want to have my sister feel,wonder,or question all the same things i did while growing up.
what do you think i should do?
-Concerned Daughter
If your sister were toilet trained I say send her over to the house... But I have looked at enough poopy butts to last me a life time... You have a unique opportunity to have a positive influence in another person's life, and since you have a natural relationship with that person, it is to your honor and credit that you fulfill your obligation with dignity and grace so much as you are able... Everyone wants their own life, to be able to make their own mistakes and have their own fun...No one wants to deal with the mistakes of others even when they are suffered by innocents... No child wants adulthood and adult responsibilties forced upon them; but some times that is unavoidable... You are your brother's keeper as I was mine... It was a curse because when I shed my self of my brother I felt so light I could have floated away... So I took on responsibility to keep myself nailed to the earth... Don't let it get to you so bad that you have to get off from under it or die... Don't presume the bond we feel and the obligation it entails will always be there, or that you should always accept it... If you carry, some one will ride; and you have to buck people off once in a while or you will get no more respect than a beast of burden...It may be that your mother is as drunk as she is because you let her, and if you threatened to call child services, you might both be in a better place... It does not hurt kids to help, but it does hurt kids to be denied their own youths to be mothers and fathers to other kids
Quote:It may be that your mother is as drunk as she is because you let her, and if you threatened to call child services, you might both be in a better place... It does not hurt kids to help, but it does hurt kids to be denied their own youths to be mothers and fathers to other kids
whoa! No 15 year old is responsible for enabling their parent's alcoholism. No, it doesn't hurt kids to help, but I think she's already at the point of being denied her own youth.
@ConcernedDAughter730,
CD -- I hope you realize that by bringing your questions and concerns to an internet forum that you're going to get all sorts of responses. Some may be helpful - even if they say things you don't want to hear - some will be dismissive, some will make fun, some will simply be hurtful and wrong. Don't be surprised if some of the discussion turns to debate amongst ourselves. We tend to disagree with each other a lot around here.
@ConcernedDAughter730,
and from the many dysfunctional environments I have been around, my guess is that pot is probably way down on the list of things causing problems there.
my guess is that it could actually be mellowing out some of the more explosive tendencies in your mom's behavior.
you are way too young to be responsible for your sister's future all by yourself.
you need to speak to an adult that you trust, and get some help for her in that way. (I still think your dad is the best place to start, but only you know the whole story)
good luck...
What Rockead said. Of all the problems you've listed, your mother's smoking pot seems to be the least serious concern.
@ConcernedDAughter730,
thank you everybody for your help. it is greatly appreciated. yes,my step dad is the biological father of my sister. my biological father is in a rehab center in Lincoln, Nebraska, but i have talked to him. he knows everything and he says once he gets out of rehab in a month or so,he's moving to Knoxville and i ca stay with him. but he's been telling me since i was 4 that he was finally going to get me and he never has so he's not real dependable. and no,maybe pot is the least of our problems, but i don't agree with my little sister being in that environment. before i moved here a year ago, she stayed next door at my aunts house all day until my step dad would get home from work at about 4:30. then my step dad would watch her for the evening.
i have thought alot about calling DCS (Department of Children Services) but i fear that my mom will hurt me. she has already threatened to kill me if i ever told. my mom is a very violent person. she has been to jail already for stabbing a guy with scissors so i believe se would hurt me. and the way she treats my sister, i have no reason to think differently. not to mention, my mom threw an ice tray at my sister because she was throwing a fit.
if i told DCS, i dont know what all i would tell them. what would be important to them?
-Concerned Daughter
@ConcernedDAughter730,
Did the aunt next door do a decent job of watching your sister?
@ConcernedDAughter730,
Sweetheart - you are in a really tough spot - but you can get out.
What your parents are doing is illegal and wrong. You are under way too much pressure, and the law is on your side. The problem is that the solution may be worse than the problem. You and your sister would be removed from the home and placed in a system that would likely expose you to worse treatment. I am afraid to tell you to call DCS because of the horrible system you and your sister would be stuck in. I wish I could take you. Do you have any other sober, responsible family anywhere?
@Lash,
If you'll send me a Private Message here, telling me the county you live in - I can check out the Child Protective Services in that area, and find out what would happen to you and your sister if you make the call...get a view of the facilities you'd live in...get pertinent info before you go in to the system. If you're close to San Francisco, I could actually go see these places and speak to people in decision-making positions. Some counties likely have better living environments than others.
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