Kudos to you, Kicky. You and her will be fine after the hurt. Time is the only healer, the bad part is you can't rush time. Be strong and good luck.
Is this what we're seeing play out on the 'ticket' thread?
Can you see my face squinching up?
Ah.
Interesting, by the way, to re-read this -- I was responding at the time to someone I didn't know at all, and now I feel like I do, kindasorta.
Yeah, re-reading this was very interesting for me too. I realized that this was a really stupid idea.
Why a stupid idea? You know we all kid around and such, but none of us would seriously judge you. I can offer you some advice though....just a small amount mind you....given I've been in a similar position to your friend.
Are you referring to trying to go ahead with the friendship, Kickycan?
It does seem... fraught.
I'm talking about the idea that I could commit myself to one person without any attraction, and let companionship be the glue. The friendship part of it, although also "fraught" as you put it, could possibly still work out. Maybe. I think since she's the one with the unreturned romantic feelings, it's up to her to decide whether she wants the friendship or not. For now. At some point I might just have to give up on the whole thing, but for now, we'll see.
Yeah, it was nice of you to so seriously consider it, though. (Companionship without attraction.)
I think you have a good point that this is basically her problem, but your reaction to "maybe not a friend at all" on the other thread struck me. I think you have an aversion to "giving up" (I do too, oh do I ever), but sometimes there is nothing to be gained by trying to make something happen that just ain't gonna happen. And I'm referring to the friendship there, not a romantic relatioship.
I don't remember how much I actually ever told her, but after a while, we ended up getting on each other's nerves, and then one day she stopped returning my calls.
The good news is that it really didn't hurt that much. I think that's because we both seemed to see that it wasn't going to work, even as friends, at pretty much the same time.
When we started hanging out again, it basically played out the same way as it did the first time, except without the drunken sex, and much quicker. It was like we acted out our whole relationship again in about three months, and then it was over. We had a blast when we started hanging out again, which lasted about a month. Then I started to get the feeling that she was still in love with me. Then about a month later, we were snipping at each other, which lead to some arguments, which lead to one real good fight, which lead to me calling her and not getting a call back, which was the end of it.
So you see how it all worked out just wonderfully.
In answer to my own original question:
No, it is NOT possible to commit yourself to someone who you aren't attracted to, and let companionship be the glue that keeps you together.
