My cousin is being controlled by her husband. Please help her mother and I help her!

1.Her mother got him his job and now he is trying to get her fired. (and it could possibly work!)
2. They lived at his moms, then got into a fight with her, moved to her moms, then fought with her, moved back to his moms, fought with her, then back to her moms, Now they finally have their own place, but it started as just his, he left his wife at her moms with the baby.
3. She has an opening at an apartment (income based) and she doesn't want to take it b/c she said she will never get her husband back if she takes it!
4. She refuses to take him to court for childsupport, while they were separated, b/c she promised him she wouldn't. She said he might not keep his promises but she does.
5. She found 7,000 text messages in 15 days between him and his girlfriend and she told him to stop or she was done. He didn't and she still stayed b/c she HAS to give him that smidgen of a chance to stay together.... UGH.... HELP!

short of taking out a hit on this guy (probably not a good idea), she's gonna have to figure it out for herself, she wants to believe there's something there and she probably won't listen to you, in fact she'll probably only push you away, just stay in her life and be ready to act when she decides it's time to go

Thank you so much. She has already pushed me out, by using his words to me, but I feel very uneasy about this situation. I'm envisioning the whole "drinking the koolaid" cult! Something is crazy about all this. I want to jump in her head and shake her till she realizes the truth! Thank you again and I plan on still being here when she is ready to go, I just don't want her to know that, now that she has pushed me out her life.

you haven't mentioned violence, and hopefully there is none, that would change the situation in my opinion, especially if the child is in danger

No physical violence that I know of, between the two of them. I know he pushed his mother down the stairs once and punched her in her face.
I Also wanted to say, while living at his motherinlaws house he grabbed his mother-in-laws boob. She ripped him a new one as my cousin sit there silent.

violence of any kind is troubling, there's always children's services if you know that the child is in danger, but be warned, an accusation that results in no action is probably going to be detrimental to your cause, it could probably strengthen you cousins position against you and for her man

If I can find out (I'm trying now) that he has put his hands on her We will do something.

good luck

It has to be her decision to want to leave him, hopefully there will come a time when she says enough is enough and then she's gonna need all the help and support she can get. But I dont think there's a lot you can do unless she wants to leave him. It'll get worse before it gets better. There are womens refuges that can take a mother and baby, that's one option.

I'm just guessing, but I figure he resents women telling him or asking him to do something, women starting with his mother (whom he tossed down the stairs? hit in the face?). This sounds like an ape, no aspersions to apes.

Good luck from me too.

Thank you, I know it's up to her, I just want to get in her brain and shake it around and find her self confidence and throw it at her. Every time we tell her something she completely ignores us. I hate this for her and us. I am extremely close to her but his manipulative behavior towards her and his girlfriend makes me VERY scared for either girls safety. He can convience his wife to let his gf stay the night and he can convience his wife that he won't work at their relationship unless he knows he has a chance, and he can convience his wife he can't take care of the baby alone (which he told his MILaw that he acts like that b/c she did Nothing while prego, this is her payback) I'm scared he could convience one of them to kill the other. I know how crazy that sounds but it's not really considering how controlling he really is....

Oh I know how controlling someone can be, I've been there. I know it's hard but there's nothing you can do for her til she sees sense, you have to sit back and watch as frustrating as it can be. If the kids safety is at risk then it's your duty to report it to the authorities. Good luck and dont fret too much I know you care but she is responsible for herself. Try taking her for a coffee, take her out of her environment and gently enquire, ask if she and things are alright, you need her to open up to you if you want to help her. She's ignoring what you say because she obviously wants him, I mean who on earth puts up with another girl in the relationship, how did it get to that point Bug?

The girlfriend; Before the child and before the marriage she was there. She has always been there. He has cheated with this girl and on this girl. We have spoken to this girls mother and this girl, and she is still here! I actually feel sorry for her. He is controlling both of them. He is constantly texting this girl, I have heard atleast 15 times now that he swore to my cousin he wouldn't contact this other girl anymore and the next day he is still texting and talking to her. The first night he moved into his apartment he had his gf stay the night, and one of her friends. My cousin caught them there. The next day she confronts him and he said they had no where else to stay..... And they are lesbians.... REALLY? My cousin believed him... The next two nights the same thing happened! She still believed him. We spoke with the gf mom and she told me she has a place to stay. You mean to tell me 2 girls have only her husbands house to stay at?? SHE STILL BELIEVED HIM!
***New news; just found out (from my cousins friend, b/c she is still not talking to me) my cousin
snooped threw her husbands phone, and found out tomorrow night he and his girlfriend have a date. THIS IS HOW SHE IS PLANNING TO HANDLE IT, not let him leave with out her tomorrow... I'm at a loss for words! She is CRAZY! After all that I just said, I see him causing a fight, walking out the door, going to on his date, and convincing my cousin he just went driving to cool down....

Thank you, I don't even think ape is an appropriate word for this monster. Some apes are nice. He is the devil, a true MONSTER!

It sounds crazy I agree. Mate you're better off out of it, she can't see sense just hope she does soon but don't hold your breath, just be there when she needs you. We both can see she is blind to him and it's frustrating but there's nothing you can do about it and it'll be easier on you if you accept that. It's very hard because you care about her and her child and wish she were living in a safe place, that's commendable that you're looking out for her, I had no one and wished I had someone like you. But just step back for a minute and ask yourself what can you do to change her mind, the answer is nothing because it's down to her and because she's young and not experienced she'll take his crap for a very long time before she's had enough and wises up. You shouldn't share a guy with another girl because you deserve better, the fact that she's allowing this shows that she is not likely to leave him. Save yourself the energy, you did say anything you say to her she ignores, so what can you do? Not a lot I'm afraid mate. Best of luck to you, it's such a tricky one.

Thank you so much! I know you are right! That's exactly what I'll do! Maybe I'll get to update this and thank y'all for all this help to a great turn out!

Yes get back to us, I would love to hear how it all goes. Be a shoulder for her to cry on when she needs you, be a friend when it all goes wrong and she needs help.
And you're welcome, anytime Bug.

UPDATE!!!!! This past weekend he said he was going out with some friends and she went to the bar and he was there with the other girl.... So, I did some running around for my cousin today and SHE HAS AN APARTMENT AND IS MOVING IN JUST HER AND THE BABY, THIS WEEKEND!!! She is SO excited and so is her mom and I!!! Hopefully she will stay away from him for good!!!

It ain't over yet - I think. She needs legal advice as soon as possible, and maybe a restraining order (I'm no expert on that).