how do we sort out finances and the cooking!!

I'm wondering if there's another side to this story. Perhaps I've had an unusual life but in my experience there's always another side. (except on a2k)

Of course there's another side! We only hear the one - that's why a2k is therapeutic.

thanks all for your comments and welcomes. It's good to have a place to let off steam and moan!

I'm almost too embarrassed to tell you all ! but I have sort of being doing his laundry, because I put a wash on anyway, he asks me if he can put his stuff in too and he does often hang it all out and bring it in. This is probably a measure of the mug I've been; my washing machine broke down and he got me a cheap one from a friend of his and wanted to take half the cost of the machine from his rent..I did put my foot down on that one and let him pay for it after all he's been using the machine and he can afford it more than me.

I am normally a strong person but events have knocked me a bit and altho in the grand scheme of life these problems in my relationship with b/f are relatively trivial the stress of having him living so close and being so petty is dragging me down.

He even had the cheek to say to me that he feels as tho his money (the rent money he gives me) is supporting my daughter for not working and he doesnt see why he should do that.

I know that I need to focus on my daughter and helping her to get out of the rut she is in and to get a job, b/f and I argue over the fact that for instance I let my daughter have a few friends round at the weekend but he doesnt think I should let her because thats rewarding her for doing nothing. Although he doesn't offer her any encouragement or support to get a job just goes on at me as to how soft I am and too nice! Told him to go find someone who's horrible then. She does help out around the house when asked, is probably a typical teen in that way that she needs to be asked.

Since finding this site I now know that the best way forward is to ask him to find somewhere else so that I can concentrate on what's important to me and that's my daughter, and to be honest at this time Im not sure that I want to carry on the relationship, as you've all made me realise that actually Im not getting much out of it and what would the future be like? He's not going to step up and provide/rent a home for us in the future he's quite happy with the fact that I have my own home and probably assumes that we will live here.

Here's another gripe - when I met him he was separated from his wife and in the process of getting a divorce but delayed it because his ex wasn't treating his 2 boys very well, she was spending a lot of time in bed (I think probably suffering from depression), not feeding them properly and generally not caring for them very well and he felt if he got a divorce she would take it out on them and treat them even worse. I tried to help him with this and suggested that he should rent his own house and apply for custody and for a while he looked into that but decided he couldnt afford to rent somewhere. Again it's probably easier for him to leave them with a mother who can't look after them properly but who has all her housing costs paid by the state and receives benefits, rather than him having to use his money. He does pay her maintenance and takes the children to school, appointments and takes them out every Sunday and they stay here with him every other Saturday night.

He completed some divorce papers but has to pay some more money to finalise it and has been promising to do this for quite a few months but nothing happening, he has other things to pay for like repairs to his car, holiday with boys, etc. In fact as Im typing this Im wondering why I am even bothering with all this! I dont really care if he gets a divorce now or not I just want him to move out!!!!!!

Had a nice day today with a couple of girlfriends, went for lunch etc. which was a welcome break from it all!!

good for you, taking back control of your life is always a good thing.

Yep. I was just thinking, the answer to the question in the topic title is: it's already been sorted out. You do the cooking, most of the chores, apparently most of the shopping, you work and you pay for it all or almost all of it. And he, uh, he pays some rent grudgingly and bitches about your daughter.

Those are the rules as sorted out already. It'll be some work and strength to change that but hey, we're here. You can do it.

don't mention any of this to Lady Diane, I don't do change very well.

thanks jespah but trouble is I dont know how to change it and really feel like it would be best for him to move out, altho it will be a pain for me to have to find someone else to rent the room, I did try and talk to him and tell him Im fed up with doing all the cooking and paying for most of the food but I didnt get the response I wanted which was 'yes I understand that and we will share the cooking every weekend, I will contribute more towards the food and come and do the weekly shopping with you' Im just feeling fed up and under appreciated..need to sort out a strategy to get myself out of it and also to get my daughter motivated into work. Hard tho because Im unemployed myself and trying to get work, struggling with money and not getting much support from him and generally p****d off!!!
But it's nice to know there's lots of people here who are willing to offer help and support, feel like you're all my friends!

If he's not interested in change, I suppose you will have to ask yourself if you are likely to become more accepting, or more annoyed with the status quo.

I have a feeling Jespah was kidding about how you could change that, but I might be wrong about that.