My daughter (the 4 year old) is driving me nuttie!!!

makesmeshiver - we're two of a kind. I'm pegged... i've caved on the outting and doing some other consequence... those are the exact things she tries....the little ham..


BUT SHE'S SO GODAWFUL CUTE !!! the bigger is the Ms. Finikeeee

Oooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhh so cute!

Sure are!

Well, you've painted yourself into a corner, Onyx. You've got to take away something you want her to have. Maybe you won't get caught weaseling out if you give her one of those choices. Field trip or television. Don't tip your hand, though, or she'll pick television and skip the trip to spite you.

Not trying to imply I know anything about raising kids, of course.

I've faced this same situation before with my son, although it wasn't over food. I gave him a choice of consequences...(1) giving up the thing he wants to do that I want him to do, and (2) giving up the thing he wants to do that I don't want him to do. He invariably picks #2, thank heavens. I suppose a lot of it depends on the child. We have even been known to postpone "grounding" when a special event comes up. He still has to make up the time later and miss things that are just as important to him, but not to us. But overall, I agree with everyone...there must be some consequence for Ms. Finikee, and it must be as important to her as the field trip.

I was lucky in the way that my son loved veggies, but if he didn't I couldn't see myself forcing him to eat them. I guess I'm alone in my thinking :-(

Onyxelle--

I suspect those two adorable, strong-willed children take after their mama.

As far as the field trip goes, you have promised to chaperone and you don't want the teacher scrambling for a chaperone at the last minute--she's be sure to tattle to Santa ON YOU.

Anorexia is not a characteristic of pre-schoolers. All the same, your daughter probably senses you are concerned about your weight and cutting down on portions. If you turn her diet into a battleground, she just may play in the big anorexia league when she hits her teens.

Meanwhile, by rejecting and wasting food, she's learned to push your buttons and play you like the mighty Wurtlizer Organ. Tell her that YOU have decided that food will no longer be a battleground. SHE can control what she will eat, but YOU are the adult and YOU will be sure that she doesn't fill up on junk. You can't make her eat vegetables--but you can deprive her of junk (at least until she's more physically independent). SHE must have some vegetables in order to grow healthy and strong.

Three bites of vegetables (and make them small bites). For canned and frozen vegetables, check the package labels and inform her of vitamin and mineral content. For fresh vegetables check out:

http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/cgi-bin/nut_search.pl

This isn't you against her--this is you helping her cooperate with the USDA and the NIA and the Ancient Archives of Maternal Common Sense.

Also, lady, how do you like your vegetables? Only for show? Only with lots of butter? Strong willed toddlers imitate strong willed mothers.

Remember, the idiot that announced that just before Christmas children "are as good as they can be" didn't know much about children.

Good Luck. Have fun with Santa. Hold your dominion.

Hey Onyxelle, I'm with everyone here, on some level, especially Noddy. You cannot cave in. Maybe I'm crazy here, but a strong-willed child with a strong-willed mother may have to come to some sort of compromise. Maybe something along the lines of "eat the vegetables, and you can have....whatever" but you control the portioning, and the type of reward. Sure, it's bribery, but until she gets a bit older, it's always best for mom to control the deal-making. If she doesn't want to eat something, say "okay, we'll save it for tomorrow." You have to set the rules, and I should say, Mr. Onyx needs to back you up as well on your decisions. A united front does wonders for kids.

You could also be a little permissive with the veggie preparations. Most kids will eat broccoli if there is a little cheese sauce on it.

No, I agree, and I think littlek was getting at that, too.

I tend to take a whole different tack pretty much from the get-go, to the point that I don't think any advice I might have would be useful to onyxelle. Consistency, as others have noted, is absolutely key.

ADORABLE kids! Thanks for posting the pics.

I was thinking about this as I came to work this morning. Seems like Onyxelle picked a consequence that she thought mattered more to her daughter than it did, or her daughter knew that the consequence wasn't going to be imposed.

Onyxelle boxed herself in, with the assistance of Finikeeee.

Seems like Finikeeee won this round, handily.

'Course I know squat about child-rearing, but I did want to comment - mondo-cute children. Looks like Miss F has a look about her - "I'm adorable and innocent. How could you possibly get angry with me?"

Anyway, to throw in my dos centavos, mealtime is a battleground for a lot of parents and children. Too much, too little, wrong stuff, etc. One thought: perhaps she'd be less inclined to want to toss food if it was something she helped to make?

AwWWWW.......soooooo cute!!!!!

I agree that your girls are adorable :-D

Onyxelle - I know I'm a day late here, but as a general comment:

My mother kept her word on every threat she ever made. That's the tricky part. I got spanked as well and smacked, which wasn't nearly as bad as some of her threat-follow-throughs.

If she said I could go on a field trip, I could. No matter what. She gave her word and I went. However, she'd also know I wanted to go see my cousins, or play with my friends or whatnot but permission hadn't been given yet. So, she'd say "You want so-and-so to come over this weekend? Forget it!" And she stuck with it.

As for taking things away, go for it. She's not going to die without a computer or tv or whatever for a day or a week or a month.

I don't blame you for wanting to punish her and to be honest, I don't think your methods are wrong at all.

Always keep your word and stand firm. I know it's hard, but I always respected my mother for it. (well, I feared her first, and then it grew I was a very well-behaved child and I have a good relationship with my mother. You sound like a good mom - good luck!

Sugar, your relationship with your mother sounds like my father and me. I feared him for a long, long time before growing to respect and appreciate him. While all around me, young people were getting into all kinds of things, I was way too fearful of his wrath (more imagined than real) to step too far out of line and was always aware of what was expected of me as his daughter.
Onyxelle, you've gotta wrestle that little headstrong baby to the ground and let her know who's boss in your house. Temper that with love, a sweet spot that she can sometimes reach, on as good day, if she's lucky, and unrelenting support in everything she strives for and you won't go wrong.

here it is: I let her go on the fieldtrip. the kids had ice - cream - she did not. the kids had cookies - she did not. She's in a no-pc zone for the day. Here's the trip.....she wants to watch the disney channel today - I told her no (she is forced to watch some video her sister picke out that she hates). And, of course, smaller portion of green beans last night - which she ate.

Onyxelle--

No treats on the field trip yesterday.
No computer time today.

and

No television choice today.

Obviously, you are in charge. Now I am an old fashioned punitive parent, but might you be overdoing the punishment a little? She's only four--and she ate her green beans last night.

Granted she tossed food and told inept lies....but hasn't she paid for at least 24 hours?

Remember, this is a hard world and there is always someone to tell a mother she'd doing something wrong. Still....don't you want to forgive and forget?

Hold your dominion--in spite of bossy old ladies.

well, the punishing is over. she's watching disney channel now

Onyxelle--

Remember Portia in "The Merchant of Venice" advocating that Mercy season Justice?

What vegetables are you serving tonight?

Hold your dominion.

My thought to add is about sneakiness. I would not force a child to finish the food, and would separate not finishing food with throwing it in trash. Unfinished food becomes a leftover (if only for a while) so it is not wasted. If she is allowed to not finish she will not "have" to trash it. I think you want her to clean her plate and she doesn't want to and sneaks to trash it so you won't see she hasn't finished. So, you have wasting and sneakiness going on, with a filip of defiance.

I think battles about food do become troubled territory resonating in teen life and adulthood too. I still remember sitting at the table until I finished my milk, which made me gag I hated it so. I didn't drink milk for decades later, not a good thing. As an aside, it turns out that I didn't like whole milk, I am fine now with low fat or skim milk.

Also finishing the plate can get to be dangerous. My business partner can never leave a morsel on her plate and is constantly going up and down in weight, which is not good for you, in a cycle of eat platesfull and then diet. Given that in many restaurants they are serving increasingly huge portions to people, it is a recipe for weight gain as stomachs get larger to accomodate the load, and hunger is less sated with a nutritionally adequate portion than it would be if one hadn't gotten used to eating more.