Do I just let it go?

@HexHammer,

Quote:

e counseling part, you say the boyfriend in question only needs counseling, which I doubt is the solution to the problem, as I see couseling as a weak and unrelyable tool, and to illustrate that I used the prisoner metaphor

When the psyche becomes disturbed all we have are weak and unreliable tools to address it, however sometimes counselling and support works better than the punitive criminal justice system. You will find that I argue this point directly in Firefly's rape thread...

At the end of the day you gotta do what you can do, use the tools that you have to the best of your ability even knowing before you start that you will not be completely successful, and might not have any success at all. Once we are no long willing to do that we are toast. And we need to accept that neither we nor anyone else is perfect, we all have issues, we all have the capacity to do harm, most of us even do really stupid **** that hurts ourselves. I dont believe in pretend, so I start from this position.

1 Reply

@Teena1963,

Everyone has a set of problems, Teena, some we can live with, some not. Maybe you can learn to live with a man who can't have an orgasm when the two of you are intimate, (yet can watching porn) but most women could not, would not. It could take years to realize this man's deep-seated problems. You could shorten that time if you sought counseling for your self. Maybe counseling would help you understand why you would stay with such a man, one who seems to think it's OK to just ignore your confusion over his strange behavior. His hysteria says much.

1 Reply

@Pemerson,

did you miss this part?

Quote:

But he treats me like a princess and my child

and Jesus, if we are going to condemn hysteria we would have to commit most women. Getting hysterical from time to time or about certain phobias is not unusual, especially for women. Men have been taught to be more like women, you gotta expect that to come with both the good and the bad parts.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

did you miss this part?

Quote:
But he treats me like a princess and my child

and Jesus, if we are going to condemn hysteria we would have to commit most women. Getting hysterical from time to time or about certain phobias is not unusual, especially for women. Men have been taught to be more like women, you gotta expect that to come with both the good and the bad parts.

Did you miss this part by HexHammer
?
Such hysterical selfcenterd people who can't take critisism and less, talk about it, are often overly generous and loveable which is their force that often blinds the partner.
Everything will go smoothly as long as his ends are served.

Maybe it's only his sexual need that is overstimulated, and that's it, thereby you should be able to have a reasonable relationship with him, but if his egoism and hysterical attitude also spans to other things, you should drop him ASAP like a bad habbit.

1 Reply

@Pemerson,

Quote:

Everything will go smoothly as long as his ends are served.

this is true for any functioning relationship, as the definition for functioning is "works for both individuals". Your claim that being self centered is a negative is BS too, as no relationship works where the individuals are not at least somewhat self knowing and self centered, and willing to fight for what they need. Intimate relationship at is best is both cooperative and combative, which obviously is news to you.

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Why are you staying with this person?
You are staying because of the princess bits?
Are you afraid of being by yourself?
You want to hang with him for the next forty years?
Do you need him to pay your way?
You think little of yourself? (I am guessing if you do you are wrong)

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@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

When the psyche becomes disturbed all we have are weak and unreliable tools to address it, however sometimes counselling and support works better than the punitive criminal justice system. You will find that I argue this point directly in Firefly's rape thread...

At the end of the day you gotta do what you can do, use the tools that you have to the best of your ability even knowing before you start that you will not be completely successful, and might not have any success at all. Once we are no long willing to do that we are toast. And we need to accept that neither we nor anyone else is perfect, we all have issues, we all have the capacity to do harm, most of us even do really stupid **** that hurts ourselves. I dont believe in pretend, so I start from this position.

That's not the objective in this thread, it escapes you. The question "to keep or to leave", and I still insist on the "leave" part.

1 Reply

@HexHammer,

Quote:

The question "to keep or to leave", and I still insist on the "leave" part.

NO, the question is "to work on the relationship in the hopes that the relationship will in time work for me, or chuck it and leave now". I vote to work on it. Last we heard the woman was of the opinion that this can be worked out.

Things would go better for you if you worked on your reading comprehension.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

hawkeye10 wrote:

Quote:
The question "to keep or to leave", and I still insist on the "leave" part.
NO, the question is "to work on the relationship in the hopes that the relationship will in time work for me, or chuck it and leave now". I vote to work on it. Last we heard the woman was of the opinion that this can be worked out.

I'v now reread the entier thread of OP, and you are right. Dunny why I have mixed it up with other threads.

0 Replies

Do I just let it go?

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