How do I stop smoking when partner won't quit?

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I've been worrying for weeks that I'll die of lung cancer unless I quit because I have felt bad pain in my chest. I'm fine on my own all day, it's just I know my boyfriend will be back home soon and then I can ask him for a cigarette. I give in but I have to be stronger. Btw he smokes outside when I ask him to. Is it down to will power alone or does anybody have any tips please? Thanks.

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[+3] - Intrepid - 08/08/2010[quote="mark noble"] Hi Caroline! One cannot simply 'give-up'. It is a matter of transferring one obsession to another. Addiction is mental, not physical. [/quote] Yes, they can...

@Caroline,

Caroline wrote:

I've been worrying for weeks that I'll die of lung cancer unless I quit because I have felt bad pain in my chest. I'm fine on my own all day, it's just I know my boyfriend will be back home soon and then I can ask him for a cigarette. I give in but I have to be stronger. Btw he smokes outside when I ask him to. Is it down to will power alone or does anybody have any tips please? Thanks.

U might consider hypnosis, if u r a decent hypnotic subject.
Some people have used that successfully.
Google it; maybe u 'll find something about it.

U can supplement that with nicotine patches,
to satisfy your lust for it.

David

1 Reply

It's down to willpower alone, Caroline. I quit smoking after 28 years. My husband couldn't do it and still smokes cigars. You have to view it as mind over matter and allow your mind to be stronger than your addiction.

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@eoe,

Thanks eoe, that's what I do, mind over matter, I say no when he offers me his cigarette but a lot of the times I cave and go to bed disappointed, (and scared of lung cancer), and try to soothe myself by believing I'll do better tomorrow and I've just been going around this circle for weeks, it's so easy to give in, yes I must try harder. Thanks.

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@OmSigDAVID,

Yes I might try that, I'll try anything, it didn't work on my parents but that's no reason it wont work on me, thanks for the idea.

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@Caroline,

Caroline wrote:

Yes I might try that, I'll try anything, it didn't work on my parents
but that's no reason it wont work on me, thanks for the idea.

How long have u been addicted ?

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Well I started when I was 14 due to peer pressure and having no sense but that would be 1 or 2 a week. I would say I was addicted from the age of about 16-18 which means I've been smoking for 20 years. Now I really regret starting and believe the government should not sell them at all but that's not going to happen because they make so much money out of them. I just dont want to die so this is a major issue in my life right now. Every night I say to myself don't do it, the next day I always smoke, it's like I can't break out of this pattern. All I got to do is stop but I find it hard, it's habit more then anything else, I don't wait long enough to feel withdrawal. I just don't want to end up on my death bed at 38 over something like will power, I am a strong person but I always fall at the first hurdle. I guess I have to try harder, even the possibility of a painful death hasn't spurred me into stopping, you'd think it would but no not me I'm just stupid.

1 Reply

@Caroline,

I hope that u'll try the hypnosis and nicotine patches, to quit.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

OmSigDAVID wrote:

I hope that u'll try the hypnosis and nicotine patches, to quit.

David

Yeah you've certainly given me food for thought, thanks for the advice.

0 Replies

@Caroline,

Caroline wrote:

Thanks eoe, that's what I do, mind over matter, I say no when he offers me his cigarette but a lot of the times I cave and go to bed disappointed, (and scared of lung cancer), and try to soothe myself by believing I'll do better tomorrow and I've just been going around this circle for weeks, it's so easy to give in, yes I must try harder. Thanks.

Like eoe, I quit on my own too. After 35 years of smoking. That was in 1997. You have to want to quit. You have to have the will to quit. You have to be strong. You say that you are strong but follow that up with the fact that you cave in. Sorry, but that is not being strong.

One of the problems seems to be that your boyfriend offers you a cigarette. Is he aware that you want to quit? If so, he is certainly not being supportive.

You have to go day by day. Hour by hour. I won't tell you that it will be easy. It will not. Is it worth it? Yes, it is.

I have seen so many people who have used the patch, hypnosis, accupuncture etc. fail. The only thing that can really accomplish the goal is your own mind.

Good luck.

1 Reply

@Intrepid,

Sorry I meant I'm a pretty strong person in general, you're right, definitely not where the cigs are concerned. He doesn't offer me if I tell him I'm quitting but I cave in so he doesnt know where I'm at but he cant be that supportive because he loves to smoke, sometimes I think maybe not see each other for a few weeks so I stand a fighting chance, to me he it's his association with cigs that makes me ask him for one when he comes home. I find it sad that I dont have the will power that I'm so weak. Yes I thought it mainly boils down to will power, I guess I'm looking for support too as I dont get much from him other than he smokes outside. I will keep trying, thanks Intrepid for the good advice.

1 Reply

@Caroline,

The ultimate would be if he decided to quit smoking as well. That way you would not only be doing it for yourselves, but for each other as well.

Health and a good relationship are much, much better than smelly cigarettes any day.

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@Intrepid,

Intrepid wrote:

The ultimate would be if he decided to quit smoking as well. That way you would not only be doing it for yourselves, but for each other as well.

That's what I wish for, it would be a great help. He made a feeble attempt to quit coz I was but I knew it was just for show, it didn't last, I would have some serious words but I know he loves to smoke. The thought did cross my mind that I should make him choose, the fags or me.

Intrepid wrote:

Health and a good relationship are much, much better than smelly cigarettes any day.

Yes I hope to aim for better health and aren't they smelly, I cant stand it just after he's had one. Thanks.

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@Intrepid,

Intrepid wrote:

The ultimate would be if he decided to quit smoking as well. That way you would not only be doing it for yourselves,
but for each other as well.

Health and a good relationship are much, much better than smelly cigarettes any day.

My only cigarette was at the age of 9; it stunk me out.

That was my last one.

David

1 Reply

i can't imagine trying to quit and living with or dating someone who still smoked

i quit cold turkey, but i only had me to tempt me so it wasn't so bad

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Sensible choice.

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@djjd62,

Yeah it's definitely less tempting if your partner doesn't smoke. I suppose I'll keep trying harder but man I suck at this.

0 Replies

@Caroline,

Forget about "willpower" or "staying strong". Willpower is a myth.

It's about motivation. It's about whether you want to quit more than you want to smoke.

You have to find the approach that works for you. For some people it works to just stop smoking, go through the withdrawal, and be done. For some people it works to cut back a little each day, and then stop when you're down to one cigarette each day.

If you're still having chest pains, then I urge you to go see a doctor.

2 Replies

@DrewDad,

Yes, got all the way to the last post ("nobody's said get to the doctor yet..."), then DrewDad said it.

Quite aside from the question of how to best quit, if you're having these chest pains, you should get 'em checked out.

Good luck...

2 Replies

@sozobe,

sozobe wrote:

Quite aside from the question of how to best quit, if you're having these chest pains, you should get 'em checked out.

Good luck...

I'm a coward, I'm too scared that'll be bad news, the plan was to quit and hopefully my chest will heal, I'm such an ostrich. Thanks.

2 Replies

How do I stop smoking when partner won't quit?

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