im pregnant and he cheated

Did you see the movie 'Knocked Up' ?

What's there to say?

Apparently you don't trust him - based on his past behavior. And you married him anyway. Then he says he did it because he was drunk.

Does he have a drinking problem? If that truely is the reason he cheats, then just stopping the drinking should at least be a start.

well, do you love him?

there's a few things that is taking place.

i'm not sure how old you two are but both of you need to realize that the problem is not the partner, but lies within you.

sorry if you feel as if i am a critic, but i will just list my opinion.

first of all, you.
you are OBVIOUSLY not attractive to him. he is used to you. and don't blame him. really. it is very difficult for people, especially in the western society, to keep up the interest of the other since they USUALLY (not saying this is your case) not mature enough to build a lasting, loving relationship. it is often build upon fiery sex, lust, greed, and excitement. When that fades, what's wrong with him getting straying eyes? understanding this effect is your first step in understanding your lover.
You can confront him and argue about this, "How can you cheat on me!?" and get nothing resolved, since you did not fix the problem, you just fixed the result. Or you can take the initiative; do things for him. NOTE; you can NOT put this against him if he does not respond with topics such as, "I've put so much into this relationship, and you do nothing," or "I've done all of this and you don't even appreciate me." if this is how you are going to react, don't do it in the first place. you're doing this out of love and for yourself, for you are a human, and it is human nature to procreate, and communicate. You got one down, do the other. Also understand that the reason he is looking at other girls is his nature. Men is genetically built to spread his sperm in as wide spectrum as possible. It is just ridiculous to think that we can all the sudden change our needs for food, sex and polis just because we want to, so cut him some slack. women on the other hand are made to look for the one man that can support them, for naturally, they are going to be in a vulnerable state for 9 months, and years after that to care for the child. so understand your differences as a man and woman, and that is the first step in amending with your new situation. it's no big deal. it's not like he wants to, it just happens, and though he usually tries his best to look only at you, sometimes, when times are tough, he can't keep up all of the responsibilities he is usually keeping up. Don't you sometimes skip brushing your teeth, or washing the dishes when you're extremely tired? If he's falling apart, help him, that's why we have two people working together, to support, to build, to be happy. Just as he is naturally made to look for multiple partners, he is also naturally genetically made to care for you and his children don't stress too much. men are dumb, we need women to bring us back to the path as we stray.

have you tried talking to him?

im not sure how you two handle issues, i'm not aware of your maturity levels, or where you live in that matter, for culture and environment will shape how people handle issues (albeit universal way of yelling or conversing is present across the world, unless there is a region where emotions do not exist).

talking, understanding, is the key to resolving issues.

why is he texting?
is he tired?
Is he lacking spark?

you can just let him do it.
let him resolve his issue by himself, if you trust him that is, and i hope you do.
Does he want time to himself?
Do you ask him to do things that you think are "obvious things he, the man, the husband, my lover SHOULD do"?

the problem for you is a problem for him. and in this case the vice versa, problem for him is becoming a problem for you.
i guess the first step of your relationship challenge is this one.
try to approach this with love, trust, hospitably, and sympathy. not blame, accusations, ideology, and assumptions.

you're confused. he's stressed. both of you two are in a agitated state as humans, try to understand these feelings and stay humane.

Your real problem is a lack of self-respect and you picked a man who knows it. You married a guy with history of cheating and now you're surprised a piece of paper and some wedding cake hasn't changed his personality. He thinks cheating is no big deal because he was drunk - which actually means he has many more problems. He's not mature enough to own up to his actions and he doesn't take marriage or fatherhood seriously. I suggest you prepare to be a single parent or a wife and mother who shares her drunken husband with other women. I think you should get a good lawyer and make sure he pays child support. Really, this is no brainer. Believe it or not, there are some really good men out there. You just didn't find one of them.

haha, yes.

Thanks, i really needed that. I guess the truth sounds better coming from a complete stranger because its true i figured he would change.. But i guess not.

Because he's a selfish prick that will tell you anything and play you for a fool. Usually it's once a cheat, always a cheat.

ya know that saying is so true. thanks.

There's another old saying that I think is especially true in this case:

Women marry men thinking they will change, but they never do.
Men marry women thinking they will never change, but they always do.*

(*We get stronger. You will, too. You'll see.)

thanks. =)

Well Jude Law has gotten together with Sienna Miller. Can Jude Law reform?

This is just a suggestion that might or might not be useful but if your husband happen to have a father in a stable happy marriage with your husband mother maybe he could have a man to man talk with his son about the important of being faithful to his wife.

the lack of honesty and the apparent lack of a deal that works for both of you is the problem here, not what he did other than the lying part. This is a stressful time for both of you, and it is only going to get worse as you are trying to raise a baby. What you need to do is push for you two to get onto the same team, to get to where you can trust each other and both get your needs met, little by little as you also deal with everything else you have going on.

What is he curently not getting that is pushing him to wander? What can you do about it? Why is he not talking to you about this already and what can you do about that?

Hawkeye!!
"What is he curently not getting that is pushing him to wander?"

Are you blaming HER because he's a drunk and a cheat?

Really!??

I was more aiming for wondering what if any part she plays in him not being satisfied at home and for not talking to her about what he wants/needs. I am not defending what it appears that he has decided to do to get what he needs. I am not responsible for what my wife does nor for making her happy, but it is my responsibility to do what I can to allow her to get what she wants/needs. Do you see the difference?

Wow, remind me to not come here for personal advice.

She's 8 months pregnant and you say his cheating is her fault?

I don't think so. What happened to trust. He should be so overjoyed about the coming birth that she should be beautiful to him simply because she is carrying his child. He's flirting with another woman with a pregnant wife? Hmmmm. Shame on him.

He exchanged texts? So what. What does that mean. He should be forthcoming with what the texts were about. Honesty. If he was flirting, then you have a legitimate complaint. He should know better. His attention better be toward the soon to increase family. Both of you should be focused on the family. not yourselves.

You need to learn to communicate with each other and trust each other. Don't assume the worst over a text message and he should not be texting to another woman behind your back. You were both wrong, depending upon what the texts were really about.

All this needs to come out in the open. Secrets and anger over unknown actions have a nasty way of causing real anger and distrust.

Parenting is hard enough, it is harder if you are single. You need to get this partnership working. You both should be committed to that. The child is your priority, not your individual needs.

I think you both need some thoughts about responsibility and commitment.

i love how you first state up front that it's not her fault, yet later you suggest that it can be her fault

"...you say his cheating is her fault?"
"you were both wrong, depending on what..."

i also love your "should" 's and "you need to learn," 's. very enlightening.

"she's 8 month pregnant and you say his cheating is her fault?"
what do you know about this relationship other than what she wrote? you do realize he can be such a sweet heart like you, but she is a total psycho, right?
of course this is an assumption in the negative, but see how you are making generalizations, assertions, interpretations about the entire story this couple has, as if you know everything about them, which allows you to say this quote.


"I don't think so. What happened to trust. He should be so overjoyed about the coming birth that she should be beautiful to him simply because she is carrying his child."
yes... that is the problem, which is why she is asking for help, or some answers and reasons to this anomaly.

" He's flirting with another woman with a pregnant wife? Hmmmm. Shame on him."
please, i am not understanding your sarcasm. did you just state the obvious or is there a whole another level of complexity in this statement, i must be too stupid to realize this was the issue. thank you for stating this for me.

"He should be forthcoming with what the texts were about."
but he's not, which is the problem did you actually read her post? she knows he should! which is why she even bothered to mention it...

"If he was flirting, then you have a legitimate complaint."
he did, which is why she is posting this legitimate complaint.

"He should know better."
..no... really... no really, pleases someone stop this man, he is giving away all the secrets...

"His attention better be toward the soon to increase family."
no i think he should divert more attention to the other girlfriend, but that's just my opinion.

"Both of you should be focused on the family. not yourselves."
oh yes, a child born in a mom and dad that do not talk to each other, leaves the unresolved issue of secret sex lives, and pretending to not care about that in the name of unifying unconditional love of taking care of a child. yes, the child will grow up so well and loved.

"You need to learn to communicate with each other and trust each other"
oh, i thought we were talking to someone that actually graduated middle school. YES SHE KNOWS...

"Don't assume the worst over a text message and he should not be texting to another woman behind your back."
good thing you said that cuz until you said this now, she actually thought it was a good thing that he was texting behind her back, problem solved!

etc...
sigh

my first ad hominem reply, it was almost fun
sorry you were my prey irfrank, no hard feelings.

i actually think everything you said was valid so don't take this personally, i wasn't attacking you, just practice attacking a person ( you in this case).

-55hikky

I'm sorry what you have been though during your pregnancy. I'd like to share with you some tips if you still love your husband and you want to spend the rest of your life with him.

The most important thing is to protect your baby, if you're sad and insecure, your baby can feel it.

(English isn't my first language, please never mind if I make mistakes.)

In my opinion, your husband loves you and he still does.
If your husband said, "Nothing bad happened," I'm pretty sure that he still cares about you the most, and he doesn't want you to worry about his stupid misbehaviors.

I could assure you that he didn't really care about that woman. In short term, that woman was merely a toy. Now you might be unbalanced again. Why d0 men need toys from time to time?

The truth is, most men were not born to be faithful husbands. They need some special education from their wives. A man can be very faithful or un faithful but it really depends on how the wives educate them.

Here are some tips:
First of all, you would need to understand your husband and accept him and love who he is. Allow your has different views/common sense from you.

You would be so surprised about those findings below:

1.Most men don't really understand why their wives take their casual affairs/fun/flirtings so seriously.

For men, they don't understand why their wives care about those dumb things they do. They just do randomly but wives take those dumbshit seriously.

2.Most men don't even feel guilty.
Your husband only feels guilty when he is being caught by you.
He felt guilty because he saw you crying, heartbroken.
Because "you cried", he felt guilt. Not because of "his dumb behaviors".

3.The only difference among men is, some men are more skillful and careful when some men are dumb idiots, being caught by the wives all the time.

Those skillful men are highly trained, they know how to hide things from their wives perfectly without being caught, when some men are still learning how to play the seek & hide game with their wives.

4.Acutally it's your fault.

Most women keep training their husbands to become a better players, instead of educating him.

Ask your self, what method did you use to confront your husband when he's caught?

Negative Methods-- Negative results.
When you made a big fuss, crying like a nut and questioning him like a police, you're actually telling your husband, "Hey you dumb idiot, why you had been so careless and got caught by me, now you should pay for it!"

If you use a negative method to confront your husband, your husband will learn how to hide better from you next time.

Use a positve approach instead,
You need to be calm down and confront your husband wisely. You must confront him as if you're just an innocent puppy that got abused by him. Your heart is borken and yes, you should crying sliently and let him finds out that you're cying and wait him come to ask you what happened.

Then, only speak the facts that you noticed, for example, I saw you texting a woman... (tears) I wanted to trust you because I love you so much, but I don't know what to do...(innocent and hopeless)

In this case, because you love him and he loves you, because he wants to protect you from any harms, he would learn how to love you.

Note: Never questioning him like a police or shouting to him aggressively, you can cry but innocently and poorly. Think about a puppy getting beaten. The puppy won't bite but just cried poorly and hopelessly. You just want to protect the puppy and hug it.

Know your man:

Please understand men are not afraid of fighting. That's why they can go for war and kill. As a woman, you don't want to challenge his pride. Always give him face, he would be very appreciated. Every man wants to be a hero saving his beauty. Let him!

Never get pissed and showed your angry face ready to fight with your man, it's really the worse method to lose your man quickly.

I don't mean to down grade yourself and become his dog.
Men take time to be disciplined and controlled by their "lovely" wives, make sure you're lovely enough.

Taboo:
Don't nag at him like his mom.
He already doesn't listen to his mom, you think he would listen to you that easily?

If you like my comments, please add me as your friend at [email protected]

if you love hime,try to correct his thought
if you don't,leave him away
if there is a love do exist, you will get him back and he will be back to you
sometimes we want to travel to another place when we live a place for a long time, that is only because of the bornness of the life.
love is love, live with whom and live with how many is not related to the love

for you ,i should say you are unlucky

but at the same time if he is bad, you can see his badness so early and you won't stand more pain from you decision