New Grandma

First, I gotta agree that it is kinda stupid for a parent to keep track of how often the grandparents get to see their grandchildren in order to equalize the time both sets have with the grandchild. If you lived down the street from them and the other grandparents lived a thousand miles away, would she not allow you to walk a block to see the kid just because her parents couldn't? Stupid I tell you.

That said, there really is not much you can do about it. I would suggest talking to your son about it. But without knowing the dynamics of he and his wife's household, that may not help either. But it would be worth a try.

It could be that your daughter in law is concerned that the kid will grow up loving husband's side of the family more than hers simply because of the time spent with the kid. She just doesn't want her parents feeling as though she is favoring you. Who knows. I'd talk to your son and then just don't make too big a deal of it if nothing happens right away. Give it some time. She may come to her senses and ease up a bit.

500 miles... that means you stay with them when you visit, right?

"At least every six weeks" seems like asking too much, to me. It's very possible that your daughter is using the equal time thing as an excuse, instead of just saying that three times a year is plenty.

I think the equal time thing is bullshit, too. What if the other grandparents weren't that interested? You also don't say where they live in relation to your g/d. Soz has a point, too, about whether you're staying with them.

My granddaughters live 3000 miles from me and my daughter is always begging me to come out. Her father and his wife go once or twice a year, as I do, but I would go oftener if I could. I really wish I lived nearer to them.

I think Coastal Rat summed it up best for me - it's an asinine 'rule'.

It may change over time, though. My daughter and her husband had a bunch of stupid 'rules', too, but they've now relaxed a lot of things. For example, I wasn't allowed to tell any of my sisters (who all live 3000 miles from them and his parents and don't know them anyway) the gender or name of the baby until they'd told his parents. WTH? They'd never even know about it. Stupid! I just ignored it and she was really peeved but I didn't care a bit. It's just stupid.

thanks for all the input! The Other grandparents live 300 Mi. away.
When we visit, we either do hotel, or camp. Once in a while we use the pull out sofa. We all try and pitch in to help in any way possible. Dishes, etc. My one friend summed it up and thinks it is a favorites item Re: love. They don't want the baby to Love one set of gr parents more than the other becuz they get to see her more often. I still think it's nuts. The other grparents have the funds and they can make time if they want to go see her. Thanks for the help!! We never stay more than 2 nights...

wabbitwady- Have you spoken with your son about this? From your words, I am getting a double message. On one hand you say that you stay in a motel or camp. Then you say that you use the sofabed. Which is it?

Both your son and DIL work. Is it possible that they consider a visit from grandma and grandpa a bit much? They have only the weekends to enjoy themselves as a couple and child. Is it possible that too much family "togetherness" is a strain for them.

I am past the stage where I have to be concerned about visits from in-laws. I know though that when my MIL used to "invite" herself, it was stressful to me to the point of an asthma attack.

Be open with your son. Try to get to the bottom of what your DIL is really saying.

Addendum: My son used an expression, "FFF- Forced family fun". This is where a person really doesn't want to see someone, but it's family, and he feels obliged. I don't think that it would be good for your relationship with your DIL if she were feeling this way about frequent visitors.