Fiancé female friend

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My fiancé has this female friend where he met over 7 years ago. When she left CA 2 years ago to go home after college, he told me he was sad, and she could have been me. What was that suppose to mean! We went to asia 2 years ago (where she live), he demands that we meet up with her. I told him only once, but of course he made plans to meet her more than once. She and her younger brother came to the US a few weeks ago. I told him that I do not want to see them...she asked if they could stay at our place...without asking me, he agreed. Good thing I got him to tell her no afterwards. When I told Him that I do not want to go hang out, he was like 'she has been here for 2 weeks, and I haven't spent any time with her.'.according to me, so what! I wouldn't care if she didn't even tell us she was visiting. What should I do with them. When I asked him not to talk to her anymore, he said he doesn't have a lot of close friends, but she is one of them.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 7 • Views: 1,214 • Replies: 10

[+3] - ehBeth - 07/23/2010[quote="Falling"] She needs to know when she is not welcomed. [/quote] this is your attitude to one of your fiance's only friends? bflynet is right. You've got a bigger problem...

@Falling,

You have worse problems in your relationship than your mother-in-law's meddling in your wedding plans. (See her other thread for details.)

I hope you will take a few steps back to review your relationship to be sure this is a situation you can be happy with. Now, before the marriage vows, would be the best time for that.

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@Butrflynet,

What Butrflynet said

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I have no doubt that he loves me. I just do not like how he handles this whole situation.

He made me go out with them last week, and I totally put it in her face that I do not like her. Maybe that will teach him a lesson of not to make me do something that I do not want to do.

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@Falling,

Falling wrote:

I have no doubt that he loves me. I just do not like how he handles this whole situation.

He made me go out with them last week, and I totally put it in her face that I do not like her. Maybe that will teach him a lesson of not to make me do something that I do not want to do.

Maybe you should, I don't know, try being friends with the person?

You don't like her b/c you feel a sense of jealousy, that maybe your hubby would rather be with her than you. This is a common, yet silly, feeling. I mean, do you honestly believe that you couldn't have loved or ended up with someone else, had you never met your partner? Of course you could have!

You ought to embrace it instead of pushing it away - it won't go over well, I guarantee you, to try and run his life by telling him who he can and can't be friends with.

Cycloptichorn

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@Falling,

The fact that "he made you go out with them" seems to indicate that his interest is not being alone with her.

"Putting it in her face" is not a very mature thing to do. You indicated elsewhere that he is 29 and you are 24. Is this other person older than you? Not that it has any real bearing, but you certainly don't want to come across as more immature than she is.

There seem to be a few issues beyond this one.

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I tried to be friends. When I first met her, he asked me to go pick her up on my way to see him from school (I went to school about 75 mins from his house). From school to her house would be 45 mins drive. I called her before I left, and told her my ETA. When I got there, she just started her laundry. I was like..WTF, I called you 45 mins ago (actually longer--traffic), and you just started laundry. So I had to wait for an hour for her to put her clothes in the dryer and then fold her clothes....What do I look like? She has a car, she can drive herself.

She wanted to buy wine...she asked my fiance to go with her..does she not know what a Safeway is? The people there can tell her more about wine than he can.

I do not intent to be friends with her, ever. She is going back home next week (finally).

She is younger than me, but that doesn't matter. She needs to know when she is not welcomed.

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She's going home next week.

Just be gracious.

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@Falling,

Falling wrote:

She needs to know when she is not welcomed.

this is your attitude to one of your fiance's only friends?

bflynet is right. You've got a bigger problem than your mother-in-law to be.

You're going to need to work on being a gracious friend and wife to your fiance.

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@Falling,

Falling wrote:

What should I do with them.

If you don't want to hang out with your husband's female friend, don't. But just because you're married to your husband doesn't mean you get to veto who his friends are, or whether he can see them. Not even if they're female. Some uf us men have female friends, and some of these friendships mean a great deal to us. I think you'll just have to suck it up.

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@Falling,

Falling wrote:

I called her before I left, and told her my ETA. When I got there, she just started her laundry. I was like..WTF, I called you 45 mins ago (actually longer--traffic), and you just started laundry. So I had to wait for an hour for her to put her clothes in the dryer and then fold her clothes....What do I look like? She has a car, she can drive herself.

Actually, that would piss me off, too, but I would have just said, "I'm going home (or wherever) now, you coming or doing laundry?" That's quite inconsiderate of her since you did telephone your ETA and she didn't tell you she had laundry to do.

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Fiancé female friend

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