help me understand why

Stop working so much and start working on your marriage.

Ask if she will go to counseling, especially for the kids and their well-being.

It's hard to get a person to fall back in love with you. This does not happen overnight. And neither does the falling OUT of love.

You need to look at the marriage and make a more honest assessment of what was going on.

Sparky, I replied to you here:

http://able2know.org/topic/124616-1#post-4282899

I only worked because she wanted me to, and only during the summer months.

I have asked and she has said she will not. She feels that the children will suffer more if we stay together.

She says she still loves me but she is missing that "intimacy" in the bedroom. I have since gone to a counselor and he has suggested "nice guy syndrome" as a reason why she may have done this. Apparently my lack of conflict with her has created this issue? I do not understand but am going to counseling to address any issues on my end. Hopefully she will do the same for the childrens sake.

I'm really sorry this has happened to you - it's a horrible feeling that hurts; and that hurt doesn't stop. Over time it'll get better, count on it, but it'll never stop hurting completely. So your first task ought to be getting yourself together; absent of that feeling of desperate pain. We tend to turn to jelly at such times, and can act in very bad ways - resist it.

Chances are that the motivation for what she's done has little to do with you, but more to do with herself; problems, issues, discoveries, age, the situations, attractiveness, insecurity, curiosity.. hell, there could be a million reasons. What I suggest here, first off is that not blame yourself; unless she tells you that you otherwise (in which case take it seriously and humbly; no man can improve wrongs he's done when in denial).

I was a cheater once, to unbelievable levels, then it happened to me in a particularly bad way - and in that instant I realized what suffering I'd been party to from the other side and now live with that regret daily. But of the married women I was with, there was often very little wrong with their husbands; nor with their relationships. This was something they had to go through, for one reason or another that was of their own motivation, their own 'issues'.

If you love her, fight for her with patience, honesty and forbearance. Don't get mad, don't get mean. When you hurt, show it, but do so respectfully without imposing yourself. If its within her to right the wrong, heal the pain, she'll be back - as long as you show yourself able to be mature and understanding. If its not within her, no hurt, no imposition, arguing, prompting or pleading will change that. Remember yourself.

Good luck - that's a tough, tough place to be. Be strong for your children

lack of conflict = boring, pitiful, unexciting in bed, needy, withdrawn, unadventurous, no fun.