I agree with Montana and Sozobe... I sense skeletons in the closet. Trust me, no one who has just married sneaks around at 3 a.m. without telling their wife... without a secret motive. I'm worried for you, too.
I may be looking at this through a cops glasses, but it seems very possible he may be into some illegal activities. If he isn't having an affair, then that would be my guess. Do you know if he does any drugs? Just offering a different perspective.
That's a good point, too.
(Poor stran! None of these options are very cheery.)
Hire a detective to see where he goes and what he does. You might consider your own safety as well, i.e. personal protection and I'm not just talking about condoms.
Humm, no kidding, the deeper we get....into this, the prospects of whats going on is looking grim.
I agree with sozobe. It might very well be that he's hiding his sexual preferences by using you as cover.
And as Montana said....he married you. No excuses...him trying to get used to the idea of marriage. If I'm not mistaken this is something he should have thought about long and hard before he popped the question. And his lil' comment on "HIM" doing any sacrificing is crap. You have sacrificed as well. Moving to a different country, being there without close relatives, friends or much to do. You have gave up everything for this man, and this is the appreciation that he's showed you? I feel for ya.
Everything, everyone has had to say makes sense. Just mulling through it to figure out what the true root of the problem is going to take you time. Just be careful....cause like Dave said also....could be something illegal. I wish we could all help do more for you then give advice...........
Dave brings up a very good point as well about him maybe being involved with drugs either using, sell or both. The fact that he hasn't been having sex with you set off an alarm with me thinking it could be an affair, but as cjhsa stated, there is your safety to consider either way. You don't want to get caught in the middle of a drug deal gone bad, or end up with any STD's. I also tend to wonder if the bars are open that late if he may have a problem with alcohol. Does he come home drunk or seem to be on something?
As Makemeshiver said "you made plenty of sacrifices for him as well", so that's just a lame excuse.
If you watch his behavior closely it could tell you a lot of things about what he's up too.
I also wanted to ask if he is abusive at all, either verbally or physically?
Keep us posted and the very best of luck to you.
This incident is probably one of the most worrying that I've ever came across. I mean, if it weren't something serious, I am sure that he would not act so suspiciously. If anything further goes wrong, and you want to get out of this relationship, I know some girls in Kuala Lumpur that could take you out of his grasp. A marriage should be about trust, ans this kind of behaviour is a complete breach of that...
The fact that you've only been married for such a short time gives further worries. Why did he decide to move to Malaysia???
We all feel for you, stran. This has got to be a tough situation.
thank you
thank you for sending your thoughts. It helps me a lot. Because sometimes I feel I'm so bad wife.
I start to be nervouse.
Yes it will take time to know what is going on. My husband dose not drink alcohol at all. When he drink just a little bit he feel very sleepy and he dose not like it. I don't think he use drugs I never notice anything like that. But resently I got his handphone bill As he always trying to put his handphone the way I can't see who is calling him and some weeks ago he set it as he is on meeting and I can't never hear who is calling. He dose not talk on the phone anymore infront of me only to some friends. I notice it because before he talk a lot on the phone. So I look at the bill and I notice he is always calling to one of the hotels. Sometimes he call to others but always to the one. I notice something wrong after we went to the shopping complex next to this hotel and he said he will leave me and come back after 45 minints because he has an appointment. Some days ago we went to the same place and he said he wants to see a friend who is working there in shopping complex I said I will follow him because he is my frind too. He was so scared I will follow him and when I did not see he run away from me to see this friend. he came back shortly but it was so strange. When we pass by the hotel he said me"thi is a nice hotel and not expencive" When I asked him if he has been there he siad no. When I look at bills they show he call from inside the hotel. And he keep calling there. I already feel when he is going there... or may be somewhere else . May be I'm too suspiciouse . But I'm loosing my mind . I become so nervouse. I don' t want to leave him before I know for sure what it is.... And he says he loves me and I'm the best and I understand him more than others ... I'm so lost ... If a man love can he pay somebody else to have sex ???
when I start talk bout our sexual life he says everything is ok don't push I have to do it on my own. He says he is married to me and I still want him to be excited?
What is it? If a man is married he is not interested anymore in sex with wife?
Pls help me to understand it
I wish I could help you understand it. But, I don't really understand it myself.
It seems to me that you have a need for support from somebody, or, better than one person, an organization in your country that can help you. I think you are in the middle of a very troubled situation and that you are an innocent bystander that may be hurt.
I don't know anything at all about Malaysia, or your city or town there. Is there any social aid society, any legal aid society in the phone book.? Well - before you look and just grab at any number, maybe someone else here will have a more specific idea of who you could call for help.
stran - you need more help than we can give you. I suggest you contact a counselor, a lawyer, or even your clergyman, re how to proceed. It sounds to me like there are major (perfectly justified) trust issues in your marriage. It also sounds like your husband is cheating on you. Whether that's with women, men, hookers of either gender or some combination is not possible for anyone to ascertain from this end, but it appears that you need to take action. If it isn't cheating, then it may drugs or some other form of illegal activity.
Like I said, we can't help you from here. You'll need to take action. We can support you but we can't take these steps for you. Your husband may be perfectly innocent, but the facts as you have laid them out to us all point to one inescapable conclusion, which is that, at the barest minimum, you're being lied to. I'm sorry; I wish there was something better I could come up with, but there isn't. So, you need to decide if you want to keep being deceived, or if you want to do something about it.
It's easy for me, here in the U. S., to tell you what to do, but I am not living your life and I am not in your circumstances.
At the very least, contact your family and tell them what you've told us. Best to you.
Stran
I agree with Jespah. It sounds very much to me that your husband is cheating and I just can't get past that feeling. I'm also sorry that I can't help you from here, but agree that you need to figure out what you're going to do.
The very best to you.
bill
A month ago my husband told me he is going to another state about his project. I notice something strange in his behavier. He said he is going with a collegua but he did call him ... Well a lot of more stranges. I did not tell anything. Today I receive a phone bill and look at it. He called me 1.00 am just from the other city. And after he left the house he called to 6 hotels not far from our area! When I asked him the day he left why don't he book any hotel he said the company has booked and his friend has all the documents. I was ready to see what I have just seen in the bill. And Now I'm sure he is lying . Now I'm thinking shall I tell him all this ? Will it be a proof?
Your original post does not describe a man in love. Nor do any of your subsequent posts. I feel sorry for you if you love this man.
If you are very attractive woman, maybe he likes status of having attractive woman to call his wife. That is not love.
You already new he was dishonest when you signed up here at able2know. You will not change a man by catching him. You must accept this terrible behavior or leave it.
Is there some reason other than love to stay with this man?
Is your immigration status linked to your marriage?
Is it worth the sacrifice?
Do you have money of your own?
Can your family help you if you need it?
If this is marriage by mail or internet; I strongly suggest you try a new one. This one is no good and you know it. The sooner you accept the truth, the sooner you can start enjoying life again. I do wish you the best of luck regardless of what you decide.
