Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can I get an AMEN!

Amen!

Montana- I know that you moved for your son's benefit, and are home schooling him. that means that you are together much more than the average 16 1/2 year old is with his mom. No wonder you are exhausted.

He is almost an adult. You should not have to be pushing him to do his schoolwork. What he needs to learn now is to take responsibility for his own behavior. If he doesn't, ten years from now, you will find yourself with a 26 year old kid.

IMO you need to talk to him about changing the ground rules. Is there anything that you are doing for him that he can do for himself?

Could you check into a hotel for a few days, take a book, get tickets to a play, or just pamper yourself? You certainly need a break, and you will come back refreshed.

Single home-schooling mother and dutiful daughter--you have your plate full. At least everyone is potty trained.

From an outsider's point of view, you shouldn't ask for private time--you should make private time.

You say that your son doesn't grasp the concept. Could this be because you've always--or usually--given in because of guilt or exhaustion?

State the problem once more, Mom to Man (or Mom to 3/4 Man): "I need time for myself." Pick a chunk of time--90 minutes a day, a full afternoon once a week, a weekend once a month--or all of the above. Then take the time. Leave the house if you must. Lock the doors if you can. Refuse to be interrupted--and if he tries like a little boy to grab your attention, treat him like a little boy and send him to bed early.

Remember, you're at the end of your rope, but you are still the Mommie in the House and Mommies are in charge.

Hold your dominion.

Yup.

Another thought... how many socializing opportunities does your son have? That's really important for 16 year olds, and I know in the US there are many, many groups and cooperatives that schedule activities for homeschooled kids. Or the local parks department, or the YMCA -- I don't know what sorts of equivalents there are in Canada, but there has to be something. Getting him out doing something interesting and social will have a double benefit, for him and for you, as you have scheduled time away from him to do your own thing.

This is huge for me with a 3 year old! She has one class that is 45 minutes a week, solo, and oh how I love those 45 minutes.

Guilt
You have some good advice from the posts listed before mine. He is old enough to do things for himself and if he wants to act like a kid, treat him like a kid. Don't ask for time, take time. All these are good ideas. So, the only thing I would have to add would be to leave the guilty feelings behind. You've done alot. Maybe too much. You can actually hurt someone by taking care of them too much. When it comes time to be on his own, he won't know how. So, don't feel guilty about demanding time for yourself. Everyone can use a break no matter how small or large it is. Everyone needs time alone. He needs to start learning how to grow up. So don't feel guilty. Don't feel guilty. Don't, and I know you'll want to, but don't feel guilty.

Montana, you've done a great job, and even teachers get weekends and summers off!

That's the trouble with home-schooling or even work at home, it needs to be very disciplined for it to work, and that goes for the teacher too!

Take your benefits girl, they're yours to keep and use accordingly!

Also with your mother, montana. She doesn't drive and is thus dependent on you. She doesn't, I presume, live near a bus? You are very wired in. I am not sure 3 days would be restful for you. You have no practice at it and would be fidgety and just be beginning to enjoy minutes at a time of being by yourself (of the whole time, of which you would possibly feel guilty x amount), when it would be time to go back. You need a month. Or, as someone else suggested, a series of weekends, a regularized time for self.

Not to knock your mother, not knowing her needs that bring dependence, but I am probably her age, and wondering. Do you all need to move to town somewhere?

If nothing else, can your mother watch out for your son?

I agree that your son needs some weaning time, in terms of your always being at beck and call.

Do I remember that your son has ADD? Is there no local support system???

Not to carp, but you need a break.

I understand what you all are saying and the time will come that I will be free. I took my son out of a disruptive situation to bring him to a place where he could live without being controlled by the system. I knew that it would be hard on all of us, but the time has come where I need to find a way to live foe myself. I have damanded for that time, but it dousn't always work that way. I know my son is old enough to know better, but he is still a kid who doesn't have many friends, so I deal with it.

Thank you all for your advice ;-)

Montana, he is almost ready to go on his own. Hang in there and then time will bring change. You are getting anxious knowing your freedom is just around the corner, you can see it coming.

God will not give us more than we can handle

Amen.

I think your son may need to feel a bit guilty himself, instead of you always bearing that, Montana. I agree with Noddy, set time for yourself, and if he disturbs you, rather than jump, tell him how horrible he's making you feel, how much your time alone means to you, and how he is breaking a promise he made to you. Nothing is more effective than a guilt trip from mom.

text book marking

Phoenix
You're right. I do spend much more time with him than your average 16 1/2 year old and my nerves are wearing very thin. I feel responsible for him being so alone because it was my choice to move here, so I must keep that in mind. I hink the reason I always have to push my son is because my mother (as dear a person as she is) has spoiled him his entire life, which is one of the reasons why I get so angry. If my son says he's hungry, she jumps and makes him something to eat even though I am constantly telling her to stop catering to him. She also cleans his room and it drives me strait up the wall. I have told my mother a million times that she is not helping him by doing everything for him and in fact, she's making things harder for me. I have gotten so angry with her that I have actually yelled at her and she still doesn't understand that she isn't doing him any favors and is making my job much harder than it needs to be. My mother is a wonderful person, but it sure isn't easy living with her sometimes.
I wish I could afford to check into a room for a few days every now and then, but until I start working, that just isn't possible :-(
When he turns 18 and I go back to work full time, my plans are to go to a spa once a year alone for 3 days and get pampered from head to toe ;-)

Noddy
You're right. I need to truly put my foot down and demand that time I so desperately need for myself. I have been setting up a spare room upstairs for myself to have a place to hide and the room will be ready sometime this winter, so I'm looking forward to that. Also, my son has his permit and will have his license next summer, so that should help. In the mean time since I'm the one teaching him to drive, my nerves are frazzled from that as well. When he gets his license he wants to work part time which will give mom here some needed space and he can also run some of the errands. In the mean time I will be sitting down with son and mother (AGAIN) to tell them there needs to be some changes around here.

Sozobe
Unfortunately, there isn't much for him to do around here, but my cousins son who is the same age as he is comes over pretty much every weekend and spends the night, so that helps a bit. My cousin Crazy also comes over often and takes my son out to the car races, hockey games, movies, etc... which is also nice, but I still don't seem to have enough time to myself. Working on it though ;-)

MichaelAllen
Actually, my mother is the one who caters to my son and if anything I am constantly having to stop her. It's very frustrating to say the least. I have told my mother a million times to stop, but she just doesn't listen :-( My mother has always been this way and I wish she'd see that while she's trying to help, she's defeating her own purpose. We need a long serious talk.

Misti
Thanks. Sometimes I feel so unappreciated and it means a lot to me to hear you say that ;-)

Osso
Unfortunately, there is no public transportation in my area and I would rather shoot myself before I move back into a town or city. I do love it where we are and I really don't have a problem with running the errands for the most part. It's just those times when I just don't feel like it that bug me. Really not a big deal. I would love to take off every now and then, but the money just isn't there. I know that when my son starts working he'll meet tons of people and probably be out with them most of the time, so I'm counting the months until he gets his license. In the mean time, I will have a family meeting and try to get them to understand the changes that are needed around here so I can have a life as well. Wish me luck ;-)

Ruach
I think you're right. My time is getting so close that I can taste it, so that might be part of it. Thanks ;-)

Cav
I have told him how horrible he makes me feel sometimes and he does end up feeling guilty, but then I feel guilty for making him feel guilty, lol. I just can't win for trying. I did sit him down yesterday and tell him that I was burnt out and needed some time to myself without being bothered. So far he's given me my space, so we'll see how it goes from here ;-)

Montana--

You take care of your son and your mother and your car and the house--one more responsibility: Take Care of Yourself.

Now, let me get this straight: Your mother makes your kid's life too easy....and you feel guilty when you hand your spoiled kid a guilt trip?

That boy comes from a long line of doting women. He's probably worth it, but you deserve some R&R as well. Take it.

Have you considered having someone else teach your son how to drive? You all desperately need a break from each other. Gotta say, it doesn't sound like a healthy set-up for any of the three of you.

Noddy
You're right and I am going to take it ;-)

Beth
Problem is mom is retired, my job is home schooling and my sons job is his school work, so we are all home all the time and are getting under eachothers skin. The living situation is actually ok except we are all always home, so as soon as both my son and I start working I know things will even out.

In the mean time I will take deep breaths, lol!

Montana--

Good. Can you start tomorrow? You want your privacy routine in place before the snow flies.

You let your son hang out with someone called Crazy, Montana? Sometimes, I worry.