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Fri 28 Nov, 2003 04:17 am
I want the worst, most offensive ones you can find. Heard one a few years ago, to the tune of "Twelve Days of Christmas" which included reference to a "Princess in a cemetery". Funniest I've heard but I haven't been able to find it. Have found some good ones though.
The Twelve Days of a Redneck Christmas
.
On the first day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
Some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the second day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the third day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the forth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the fifth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the sixth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the seventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eighth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the ninth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the tenth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my old lady gave to me,
12 pack of Bud
11 rasslin' tickets
tin of Copenhagen
9 years probation
8 table dancers
7 packs of Red Man
6 cans of Spam
5 flannel shirts
4 big mud tires
3 shotgun shells
2 huntin' dawgs
and some parts to a Mustang GT.
Things Are Swell (Sung to the tune of "Jingle Bells")
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(As sung by Dubya Bush)
Flashing the word "Go,"
Get Saddam out of our way.
Oilfields we go,
Strafing all the way (rat-tat-tat!)
Kill Saddam, and bring
Oil profits' height.
Our neo-cons all love to sing
Their slaying song to fight, so...
Things are swell, things are swell.
We'll go all the way.
Ol' Saddam will cringe and hide,
For it's him we've come to slay-ay...
Things are swell, things are swell.
We'll go all the way.
Ol' Saddam will cringe and hide,
For it's him we've come to slay.
A year or so ago,
My daddy did confide:
"Hey, son, you're not too bright.
You need folks on your side.
Your polls are in the tank,
So Rove must hatch a plot,
To launch a war to guard your flank
To keep all that you've got."
Now...
Things are swell, things are swell.
We'll go all the way.
Ol' Saddam will cringe and hide,
For it's him we've come to slay-ay...
Things are swell, things are swell.
We'll go all the way.
Ol' Saddam will cringe and hide,
For it's him we've come to slay.
Control by the Right
Is now all but done.
Dems lack nerve to fight.
They can't delay us long.
Saddam is in our way.
His oil meets our need.
Not too long after Christmas Day,
We'll whack him like a weed.
Now...
Things are swell, things are swell.
We'll go all the way.
Ol' Saddam will cringe and hide,
For it's him we've come to slay-ay...
Things are swell, things are swell.
We'll go all the way.
Ol' Saddam will cringe and hide,
For it's him we've come to slay.
Dubya Got Run Over By a Reindeer
(Sung to the tune of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer")
Dubya got run over by a reindeer
Walkin' 'round the White House Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Ashcroft, we believe!
He'd been drinking too much eggnog
The Oval Office, full of puke
Making crank calls to the North Pole
Had to calm Vlad Putin down so he won't nuke.
When we found him Christmas morning
Condi Rice screamed, "Oh my Lord!
There's a puncture from an antler!"
And Karl Rove said, "You mean, the man was Gored?"
Dubya got run over by a reindeer
Walkin' 'round the White House Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Ashcroft, we believe!
We're so very proud of Jenna.
She's been taking it so well!
See her in there drinking highballs
While Laura sprays a can to hide the smell.
Cheney needs the Oath of Office.
Is he dead or just asleep?
And the thing that's really scary
Is that Jeb says he's entitled to be Veep.
Dubya got run over by a reindeer
Walkin' 'round the White House Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Ashcroft, we believe!
Missile defense is on the table
And the cutting of the tax.
Bad economy? Bah, humbug!
Unemployed men can enlist up for Iraq!
We've asked all the Secret Service
"How could Santa get so far?"
We'd like to blame this on Bill Clinton
Or the ghosts of JFK and FDR!
Dubya got run over by a reindeer
Walkin' 'round the White House Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Ashcroft, we believe!
Sing it, Poppy!
Dubya got run over by a reindeer
Walkin' 'round the White House Christmas Eve.
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Ashcroft, we believe!
Stumble It!
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