funny jokes

She was looking over your shoulder when you typed that,..aye?

still together i presume?

Nominated as the nest short joke of the year--


A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
'Mom', he asked, 'Are these my brains?'
'Not yet,' she replied.

Now that is a good joke, even the wife laughed.

Curmy, I am surprised - I would have expected this from Mrs. Curmudgeon.

Thankfully, yes...and happier than the day we met.

Have any advice so we can avoid your mistake?

Yes - do not be hasty, take your time, sample a lot of honey until you fine the one with the sweetest taste.

Get your life and career on track first. Save some money, own a home - then find someone that enhances your life rather than detracting from it. I never had so much fun or was so successful in life until I met my wife.

I'd go the other way, I was a bum until I met my wife. We had our daughter which gave me the drive to make something of my life. I owe that to my family.

Hey, it's all good as long as you are willing to commit.

Yes, this is what i've been hearing, sounds like good advice.

A bride and groom are standing before the priest completing the marriage ceremony.

Afterwards, the bride says to the groom "I see 4 beautiful, sweet, children in our future, 4 brown haired boys and 1 little blonde girl", the groom says "how do you know that"?













the bride says "because we have to stop by my mothers and pick them up"!!!!! hahaha

A man and wife go into a resturant, the man sits down and looks at the menu, shocked by the prices he turns to his wife and says,















"So Chubby, what are going to have"?

Man walks into a shop and speaks to the Shop assistant.

"Can i have a kitKat Chunky?"

So the Shop assistant hands him a KitKat Chunky

"No! I want a normal KitKat you fat idiot!!"

This isn't quite a joke, but it's hilarious:

"Picksburg", home to allaus yinzers.....

For anyone who hasn't had the Pittsburgh experience, watch the video... it's a conservative picture at the least :rollinglaugh:

YouTube - Yinz The Movie

Why did the Baker have brown hands?

He Neaded a Poo/ Sh!t

I was depressed last night so i called lifeline.

Got a dam call centre in Afghanistan.
I told them i was suicidal.
They got all excited and asked me if i could drive a truck.
The bastards :eek:

The two thousand member Baptist church was filled to overflowing capacity one Sunday morning. The preacher was ready to start the sermon when two men, dressed in long black coats and black hats entered thru the rear of the church.

One of the two men walked to the middle of the church while the other stayed at the back of the church. They both then reached under their coats and withdrew automatic weapons.

The one in the middle announced, "Everyone willing to take a bullet for Jesus stay in your seats!"

Naturally, the pews emptied, followed by the choir. The deacons ran out the door, followed by the choir director and the assistant pastor.

After a few moments, there were about twenty people left sitting in the church. The preacher was holding steady in the pulpit.

The men put their weapons away and said, gently, to the preacher, "All right, pastor, the hypocrites are gone now. You may begin the service."


I quite like this

[SIZE="7"]Why Eve was created[/SIZE]


Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And the #1 reason why God created Eve...

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, "I can do better than that!"

A chinese guy walked into a bar in Hollywood and saw Steven Spielberg.He
rushed over and asked for his autograph.

Spielberg said, "No way, You chinese attacked our Naval Base at Pearl Harbour."
The astonished Chinese guy replied, "It wasn't the Chinese that attacked Pearl Harbour. It was the Japanese." Spielberg replied, "Chinese,Japanese,Vietnamese; no difference!"

The Chinese Guy retorted, "You or a relative of yours sank the Titanic. My Grandma was on that ship."
The shocked Spielberg replied, "It was an iceberg that sank the ship. It wasn't me or a relation of mine."
The Chinese guy said, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg; same thing!"