Perhaps he's just a simple maniac. It amazes me still that he continues to post here regarding this girl, with the seemingly honest desire for advice, then gets top-notch wisdom from the best of our crew here, then completely ignores it. Fred will do as Fred does, it seems.
get away from her
Don't be friends with your ex. It doesn't work. There are too many memories, too much resentment and jealousy to contend with. Its better to make a clean amicable break in my opinion. That way, you free yourself up to new and better possibilities for the future. Life is too short. You broke up for (presumably) a good reason. Trust your decision and make it a whole decision by moving on.
I agree with cav. Please marry this girl so you both don't spread your insanity to anyone else in the general population.
I also don't understand your continued posts. You are free to do so but it really seems to make no difference to you. Posting rants might make sense at this point but asking for advice from the people here is insulting. The people on A2K are very nice, patient and caring. However, you don't need that - you either need to live with whatever decisions you're making and stop whining or start paying someone for therapy sessions.
Perhaps we should start charging
If my posts bother you guys that bad I am sorry!!!! Its just this is my first love ever and I dont want to let that all go just yet! Lastely between her and I, it has been "I love you, I hate you" Well lately we also have been finding a balance with in that a middle point! Which is something we have never had before. I know that I am dumb for talking to her still I get that from my friends! But when it comes to her it seems like everything else doesnt matter. I am head over heals in love with her not obsessed. Even still to this day when she kisses me I get butterflies all over and get weak in my knees. And every moment I spend with her is like and eternity of happiness. I am in love what can I say my heart over powers what my mind tells me is wrong. So sorry for my posts and sorry that I made you guys waste your time reading them
Fred....if both your friends and a bunch of folks on an anonymous forum are telling you this is wrong, doesn't that send you a message? You are not wasting our time, we are really really trying to help you out here, but you don't make it easy.
Fred
I agree with Cav. The longer you stay with her, the longer you will hurt in the long run.
Fred,
You might give some consideration to the thought that you might be in love with the idea of being in love and not necessarily this specific person.
It feels wonderful to have someone to snuggle and cuddle with and even better to have them return the affection. Since this is your first time, you'll need to take extra care and be sure you are in love with the person and not just with the idea of having someone to exchange affections with.
Truth is being spoken here. We're objective observers (as are your friends) whose judgments aren't clouded by sex and stars in the eyes. And we are trying to help you, but you're making it awfully difficult. You talk about leaving her, but it feels like lip service to us, as you then go running back to her and of course we only read about it after the fact.
It's your life. You're an adult. You can do what you wish. We are only attempting to help you and give you the benefit of our collective years of experience and our own heartaches and triumphs. And one thing I can tell you for sure is, people who are in love with one another, and I mean really in love and not just panting for one another and all starry-eyed - those people do not do an "I love you, I hate you" kind of dance. The hate part never factors into it. Consider that and become an impartial observer in your friends' relationships and you'll see what I mean. Do they really care for their significant others? Or do they treat them poorly? Are they put through the wringer? Or do they date people who are there for one another?
Consider 2 relationships: Alan and Betty, and Carl and Diane. Alan and Betty talk a lot about how much they love each other, and they're talking marriage, but Alan works late and Betty does nothing but complain about that, rather than understanding that he may be trying to build them a future. Betty goes out with her friends to all hours and all Alan does is worry. He knows, or at least thinks he does, that she's not cheating on him, but he can't be certain and so he doesn't 100% trust her. Betty's mother doesn't like Alan, but Alan doesn't care. He figures Betty will just one day choose between her mother and him, and he figures he doesn't have to anything to try to win either Betty or her mother over. He feels he's already put in his time, so he's got it made.
Carl and Diane seem to have a quieter relationship. They see each other a lot, but not all the time. She also goes out with her friends (and he goes out with his), but they check in with each other on occasion and the time with their friends doesn't dominate their lives. They make an effort to see one another, but they also make an effort to keep up with the other people in their lives. Carl is concerned that Diane can't find a good job, but he's not upset about it, because he knows Diane is being choosy so that she gets the kind of work that she likes and that pays well. He sees the forest for the trees, the big picture, and figures it's okay, so long as her unemployment doesn't go on forever. Diane, for her part, watches her money and doesn't take advantage of Carl's kindness and generosity. She keeps looking for work, but the economy is bad (there are definitely some things that are beyond anyone's control). She also tries to make things easier for Carl, as he's the one paying for everything. She doesn't order the most expensive dish on the menu when they go out. She doesn't ask for expensive gifts for Christmas. She and Carl take an interest in one another's families, and try to get along with them, because they know it's important to the other person. They are looking at the long-term view.
Now, Diane and Carl might not have what anyone would call the glamorous and exciting relationship (and they have less money than the other couple), but they're a lot more likely to last if they do wed. And if they don't, they're a lot more likely to remain friends. As for Alan and Betty, marriage is a stupid idea if they can't trust one another, and they take advantage of one another's feelings, and it doesn't help if the families don't approve and no one's even trying to rectify that problem.
I've been in both types of relationships, and I'm happy to say that not only am I not in the first type (Alan and Betty), I also feel I've outgrown it. There are a lot of Betty and Alan relationships out there - they're a big part of why the divorce rate is so high - people in love with the idea of being in love, and getting married. People who don't make a good effort. People who don't care about important things, like trying to keep peace in the families. People who don't see the future and don't plan for it.
